


Stitches

by margotmuses



Category: Choices: Open Heart, Open Heart (Visual Novels)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, But I stole some stuff from canon, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Friends With Benefits, Hurt/Comfort, Medical Procedures, Mentions of Death, Not Canon Compliant, Reunions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-06 21:01:02
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 77,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26365354
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/margotmuses/pseuds/margotmuses
Summary: Suki Moore is about to start her intern residency at Edenbrook Hospital. What happens when a certain surgical intern catches her eye?
Relationships: Bryce Lahela/Main Character (Open Heart)
Comments: 200
Kudos: 47





	1. The First Time...?

**Author's Note:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my beta readers: Pine, RealityOfTheMatter, and AlphaBanana! You’re all fantastic and I appreciate your help so much🥺
> 
>  **Chapter song:**  
>  I Wanna Be Adored - The Stone Roses

It was no good having nerves on day one. Day one of thousands. But she couldn’t help it. This was the real test, the real tell of whether or not she would make a good doctor, and it was all she’d ever wanted. It didn’t help that she was running late, either. _On day fucking one_.

She walked with a sort of half run as she neared the doors to Edenbrook, trying to quell her nerves by counting her steps. It was modern and intimidating, glass windows piling on top of each-other, intercepted by the occasional wooden plank. She had aced college and med school, but actually practising medicine was a little different. She swept through the doors and up to the front desk, where a kind looking woman was waiting with a clipboard.

“Ah! An intern?” She asked. “I’m Dr Ines Delarosa. I’m your resident for the year.” Ines was instantly calming, and suddenly all worries about the upcoming year and about being late were dispelled from the intern’s head.

“What’s your name?”

“Suki. Suki Moore,” she smiled confidently and pulled out a hand to shake Ines’. Ines shook her hand with a warm smile and made a few notes on her clipboard before rounding the desk to enter into the computer. Seconds later she brandished a freshly laminated name tag.

Dr. Suki Moore, it read. _Dr. Suki Moore_. 

Her confidence came rushing back as she clipped the badge to her clothes, even though she’d have to transfer it to her scrubs shortly anyway. Ines then directed her to the staff changing rooms and Suki rushed over with a new spring in her step. _Time to ace this internship_.

She cradled her cornflour blue scrubs in her arms as she entered the staff changing rooms. They appeared to be empty at first, before Suki rounded the corner and crashed right into a chiseled, honeyed chest.

“Oof!”

“Well hello there,” the voice audibly smirked.

She could smell body lotion and cologne, it was lovely. She unburied her face from the chest and stepped back to look at the man. He was tall, and very, very attractive. His smooth golden skin highlighted the tight abs on his stomach, and muscular chest; his shoulders and arms were broad and strong looking. His hands crossed over his chest as he leaned against the locker next to him. This man definitely took care of himself. Suki scoped her eyes up to his face. And oh. My. God. She wasn’t sure if she’d ever seen a prettier man in her life, and that was no exaggeration. His jaw was defined below an absolutely encapsulating smile, even if it was slightly mocking, white teeth shining against plump peach-golden lips. His deep brown hooded eyes were warm and inviting, humour sparkling in them, and his eyebrows were thick and defined. His hair was brown with natural looking blonde highlights, swooped back and to the side floppily. And he had a strong, straight nose. But there was a rugged edge to his good looks. Something familiar about the wolfish grin he bore struck something in Suki. _Probably because he’ll be just like every other asshole who came here from an Ivy League_.

She quickly averted her gaze, she may have been looking a little too long. There was an absolutely furious blush on her cheeks.

“You know, you’re going to have to get used to seeing naked people if you’re going to be a doctor.”

She tried to conjure up a good comeback, without having to look at him, but she could only stutter out a scoff. Suki was confident, but easily flustered. Finally, she came out with something.

“I’ve seen plenty of naked people, thank you. That doesn’t mean I want to bowl face first into your…chest.” She had to stop herself from focusing on how his chest had felt, the smooth warmth and the enveloping scent. _Now is not the time for you to be thirsty_ , she told herself.

He chuckled, seeming pleased that he’d rattled her. _Yeah. Typical Ivy League medical intern jerk_.

“I think you’re an odd one out,” he smirked, clearly used to the attention. 

Suki tried to avert her gaze from him as she began to change out of her own clothes into her scrubs. It was clear the guy was struggling to not look too, as he slipped his scrub top over his chiseled chest. She’d just have to get on with it. Now was not the time to be shy. She was late already, and she would be changing in front of these people for years to come anyway. With a clearing of her throat, Suki quickly pulled up her Henley and replaced it with her scrub top. Just as the guy was looking like he was about to leave, face trained on anything but Suki, the door fluttered open. A pretty but serious looking woman stood at the threshold.

“Scalpel jockey, you’re late!” She called into the changing room. “Hi,” she gave a quick smile to Suki before trying to usher them out of the room. 

“Coming, Jackie,” the guy shot Suki a wink as he left the room.

“Come on!” Jackie encouraged Suki, with motherly strictness, as the guy strode past her and out of the room. Suki rushed her joggers off and her scrub trousers on, clipped her name tag to the pocket and hurried after Jackie out the door.

“We’re lucky,” Jackie muttered as they neared the lump of interns standing in the main foyer of the hospital. She obviously wasn’t copping for introductions just yet, so Suki kept her mouth shut as they joined the group on the right side. Next to them, was the guy from the changing room. He smiled at Suki once more, confident and flirty. She nodded in return.

Ines was stood at the head of the group, and started her speech to welcome everyone to Edenbrook.

After a few lines from Ines, a glamorous, attractive woman strode up to the spot in front of everyone. Ines nodded to her.

“Everyone, this is Chief Harper Emery.”

The group quivered with quiet mutters and some awkward shuffling. She must be a big deal. Chief Harper Emery went through a gruelling speech about the upcoming year as an intern, challenges they’d need to face, instincts they’d need to follow, and standards they would have to meet. 

After the long (and kind of terrifying) talk from Chief Emery, she left for Ines to partner off interns to work on their first case together. There was a little reprieve where Ines shuffled through the papers, a harsh looking man glancing over her shoulder.

Suki turned her attention to the interns around her. God. She’d known how many there would be, but seeing them all in a group like this was so intimidating. She wondered if she’d even get the chance to befriend anyone. Maybe Jackie would be a good friend when there wasn’t a time limit. She looked to her right at Jackie, who was chatting to a guy in a wheelchair in front of her. She wasn’t the type to butt in halfway through a conversation. 

Reluctantly, Suki turned to look to her left. Her delicate features scrunched up in uncertainty as her eyes raked over the sculpted man. There was definitely something about him that was giving her déjà vu. She tried to get a glimpse at his name tag, but it was just at the angle where sun was reflecting off it, and moving her head too much might be cause for suspicion.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” She breached the air around them.

“You mean, aside from like five minutes ago?” He turned to her and gave a megawatt smile, one she was sure charmed all the ladies and gents and everyone else he came across. “I don’t know, do you?” He shot her another wink, before Ines was calling for everyone to quiet down so she could assign partnerships. _Sigh_.

The surgical residents were beckoned over to one side, and the familiar man left her side with a farewell grin.

“Don’t go bumping into too many chests, I might get jealous,” he muttered in a deep voice before leaving. She wished she could have come up with a witty response, but alas, he was gone. 

Ines started to read down her list, before;

“Moore and Emery.”

_Emery?? As in, Chief Harper Emery??_

“Uhh,” Jackie hesitated beside Suki, looking a little worried for her. There were mutters throughout the group of interns as Suki gave Jackie what she thought was a reassuring smile, and made her way to Ines. Then, a stunning, organised woman stepped up. She looked a little angry.

“Aurora Emery,” she introduced herself. Suki breathed a sigh of relief.

“Hi!” She smiled, and introduced herself to Aurora.

—-

The day went by, Suki and Aurora talking to patients and treating them. Aurora turned out to be Harper’s niece, but she seemed like she didn’t like to talk about it. She was pretty focused and serious, but Suki could tell that was her mask of professionalism, and that underneath she was just a normal girl, frustratingly overshadowed by her successful aunt. Her work ethic was fantastic, and she was smart, and Suki tried extremely hard not to feel intimidated. Luckily, they were able to work together well to come to conclusions and treat their patients. At one point Aurora was called to her Aunt’s office for a little while, but it wasn’t too long and soon enough she was back to working smoothly with Suki. 

Then, Suki caught Jackie in the corridor at one point.

“Hey, Suki Moore,” Jackie grinned down at her name tag.

“Hi, sorry I didn’t introduce myself earlier but…timing and all,” she laughed comfortably. Jackie smiled.

“I got it. Hey, some of us are heading down to a bar called Donahue’s after our shifts, celebrate day one kind of thing, want in?”

“Yes! I’ll definitely need a drink.”

“Tell me about it. Meet us in the lobby and we can all head down together.”

—-

The end of Suki’s shift came soon enough and she was heading to the changing room to slip out of her scrubs. She’d packed a nicer outfit in her bag in case of something like this, so she changed into the skirt and bodysuit. They might be interns now, but they were still med students at heart, after all. The changing room was empty, and Suki thought back to her awkward encounter that morning. She was going to spend the next however many years seeing bare chests, so why had this one flustered her so? She supposed she had bowled right into it, which was, quite embarrassing. Especially when she’d never met the man before. She sighed and left for the lobby.

There was a group of tired looking interns gathered around the seats in the lobby. Jackie was there, along with the boy in the wheelchair she’d been chatting to that morning, Aurora, a sweet girl with a plait, and a thin, blonde boy. She was grateful at the absence of chest-boy, but she remembered he’d gone with the surgical interns, so he probably wasn’t known to this group. Aside from Jackie somehow, that was. Still, she was grateful not to be further embarrassed. 

“Hey! Everyone, this is Suki,” Jackie smiled as Suki walked towards the group. They all greeted her and introduced themselves, the boy in the wheelchair was Elijah, the sweet girl Sienna, and the blonde boy Landry. They all chatted as they made their way to the bar, which wasn’t far at all. They talked about their first days, and bonded over patients. Sienna had been partnered with Elijah, and Jackie with Landry, which she hadn’t seemed to happy about. He was probably too weaselly for her.

Once they’d reached Donahue’s, Landry grabbed them all a table, a booth in the centre, and Jackie went to get rounds. 

“Tequila!” Jackie sang as she came back to the table.

“Oh, no…” Sienna said. 

“Give me that,” Suki grabbed a shot. She clinked it with Jackie’s and they downed their shots. Suki’s face scrunched up at the strong taste, meanwhile Jackie was deadpan. They continued chatting for a while, each of them taking turns to get each round, some opting for safer options than others, such as beers. Only a short amount of time in, Suki already felt comfortable, like she knew these guys were going to be her closest friends through her time at Edenbrook, and even after that. She also basked in the warm glow of the alcohol coursing through her, forgetting all her worries.

She felt her throat jump as she saw him waltz in. _Oh god, time to be further embarrassed_. The boy didn’t even have to acknowledge her at all for her to feel utterly mortified, but something told her he would anyway. He walked in confidently, laughing attractively with a group of friends. Other surgical interns, probably. He looked good in more casual clothes, wearing a patterned button-up and black jeans. _Not as good as he’d looked un-clothed, though_. She watched for as long as she could, before he was too close and she had to avert her gaze for fear of being caught.

Much to Suki’s chagrin, about five minutes later he was swaggering up to their table.

“Ah! It’s the odd one out!” He grinned as he placed down the tray of shots. “Thought you guys might need these.”

“Thanks,” Suki stuttered and threw a shot back immediately.

“Woah, girl. Take it easy,” Elijah chuckled. The boy eyed her up with an impressed look on his face.

“You two know each other?” Sienna asked. 

Suki could feel her face growing red, and she was praying the nameless boy would explain, even if he did say something embarrassing.

“Yeah, she was admiring my bare chest this morning,” he winked.

“What!?” Landry spat out his drink, the insinuation a little much for him.

“Not like that!” Suki scrambled. “It was just in the changing room… I didn’t see him…”

“Ahaha!” Jackie cackled, “ _That’s_ what was going on when I saw you two this morning! I thought you looked a little flustered.”

Suki looked at the boy, taking in his features once more. _Who are you?_ She couldn’t outright ask his name, that was far too clunky, but she had to find out somehow. She highly doubted ‘Scalpel Jockey’ was his actual name. Thankfully, Jackie jumped to her rescue.

“This is Elijah, Aurora, Sienna, and Landry. And you’ve already met Suki,” she snorted, turning to the group at the table, “Me and Bryce met this morning on our walk into Edenbrook.”

Bryce. _Bryce_. Hmm. Not an uncommon name, but it wasn’t Chris or Alex or anything. She’d definitely known some Bryce’s in her time. Bryce smiled at the mention of Suki’s name.

“Yes, I know Suki,” he smirked. But the way he said it seemed to hold more than just their meeting that morning. Did he know? Had they met before, and he wasn’t telling her? Her name flowed off his tongue like it was familiar. Ugh. Suki had spent so much of the last ten or so years studying hard and meeting so, so many people, that placing his face was just, difficult. 

“Well, anyway, I should get back to the other surgical interns, you guys enjoy your shots. And your night.”

“Yeah, see you man!” Elijah grinned, as Bryce stepped back to his former group.

“So uh, what’s the deal with him?” Suki asked Jackie in her best attempt at sly. 

“Bryce? No clue, like I said, I only met him this morning. He’s quite full of himself, nothing unexpected from a surgical intern.”

“Hm, okay.”

—-

After a couple of hours filled with drinks and shots, Suki was laughing and dancing with all her new friends without a care in the world.

“I’m gonna pick a song on the jukebox!” Suki grinned to her friends, before making her way over to the old jukebox in the corner of the bar.

She scanned down the list of songs, coins at the ready.

“Pick something good,” the voice came from behind her neck, hot and making the hairs stand on end. Suki turned to look at the culprit, already knowing who it was. 

“‘Good’ is very subjective.” There was an odd twinge to her voice which only came out when she was drunk. He laughed, his own honey skin showing a sheen of sweat over his forehead.

“This,” he pointed at a Beatles song, “overrated. But this,” his finger slipped down to a Stone Roses song, “much better.”

“Noted.” She bit her lip as she weighed up her options. He watched fondly at her focus. Eventually she picked the same song Bryce had pointed out.

“Do you?” He asked as she turned to him.

“Do I what?”

“‘Wanna Be Adored’?”

“Doesn’t everyone?”

He flashed that wolfish grin again. “You don’t need to want it if you’ve already got it.”

He was cocky as shit, sure, but it was utterly captivating. He was ever so slightly blurred by her alcohol intake, but his deep eyes bore into hers as they had briefly that morning. Something about starting her internship reminded Suki of being a freshman at college, inhibitions low and desire high. 

If he’d been a standard guy, him but without all the mystery and mortification, in all his beauty and flirtatiousness, she would have no doubt taken him home. They would’ve been out of there faster than ever; but there was hesitancy, stemming from the niggling at the back of her mind over who this guy was. 

“I think you’re confusing adoration with something else.”

“Admiration?”

She chuckled. “You certainly have the whole cocky jockey thing, huh?”

“It’s Scalpel Jockey, actually.”

“Duh, so you’re a surgeon?”

“I’m going to be the best surgeon Edenbrook has even seen.”

“I’ll believe it when I see it. Bryce, right?”

“That’s me. And you’re Suki.”

She squinted at him and bit her lip again. “Do you have siblings or something? Or, have you ever been to Santa Fe?”

“That where you’re from?” He asked, raising his eyebrows and very definitely avoiding her questions. She let it slide: after all, if he was going to play that way, so was she. She was too buzzed anyway to push.

“Yeah, lived there for a bit before college. Where are you from?” Okay, maybe not to push a little. 

“Your dreams,” he winked. Damn this boy was full on. She found it amusing, though, and she wasn’t exactly avoiding his flirtations. “You wanna dance?”

“Alright, then.”

She noticed as they walked the short distance to the space where people were dancing, (it wasn’t exactly a dance floor) her friends were watching her and Bryce and whispering amongst themselves. Sienna shot her a wink.

Bryce grabbed Suki’s hand from behind and spun her round to face him, his face more serious but still with a playful air. She tried to suppress the gasp which unconsciously came at the sudden movement, but Bryce noticed the surprise in her eyes anyway.

Her stomach fluttered as he pulled her body to press flush against his, in much of an echo of their position that morning. This time, however, his hand held hers down to the side while his other warmed the small of her back, and she leaned up to rest her free arm against his shoulder. Intimacy with a practical stranger wasn’t unknown to her, but it still sent jolts of scandal through her, especially with the way he was looking at her in that moment. And something about it being him in particular. 

“You getting déjà vu right now or is it just me?” He joked.

 _Man, I’ve been getting déjà vu all day_.

“Yeah, thanks for reminding me.” Her cheeks were hot from the memory of her embarrassing morning.

“You made my morning, the look on your face…” he trailed off into a laugh. 

“I wasn’t exactly expecting the first intern I met to be a shirtless guy walking into me.”

“Hey! You walked into _me,_ ” he laughed, and rubbed his thumb up and down a little on her back. The movement sent electricity up Suki’s spine, so subtle, yet so intimate. They bobbed side to side in time with the song, very close to grinding on one another. Since it wasn’t exactly a slow song, but it wasn’t hugely upbeat either, their dance was chilled, with occasional comic moves. 

Bryce’s hand was warm, and large, and the palm slightly rough. Suki thought about how he was going to be using this very hand in surgery, its precision and stillness aiding his art. Hell, _it_ was art. She moved her own hand so that her fingers slowly threaded in-between his, watching as he gently reciprocated. The sensation crackled like an open wire exposed to a puddle, pulsating all the way through her arm. Sneaking a look at his face, Suki watched as Bryce’s smile widened, and his eyes sparkled.

Dancing with Bryce felt right, and freeing, and exciting. But all too soon it was over. The bar was closing, and Suki’s first day as an intern at Edenbrook was reaching its end.

“That’s our cue,” she cleared her throat as she reluctantly stepped away from Bryce.

“I guess it is. You uh, alright getting home?”

Suki looked behind her, where her friends were collecting their belongings from the table.

“Yeah, thanks. I’ll see you ‘round.”

His eyes scrunched up in the corners as he smiled.

“Yeah, see you Santa Fe.”


	2. Suki’s Flip-Flop, Intensive, Very Long Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki has a tough time at work, and someone unexpected is there for her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Feel Real - Deptford Goth

On a pretty big whim, Sienna, Jackie, Aurora, and Elijah had decided to look at apartments and move in together on the walk home from Donahue’s. Turned out none of their current living situations were ideal, and as crazy as it sounded, Suki felt like this might just work out. Weirder stuff had happened, right? She’d lived with complete strangers in college, so this was no huge thing, really. Over the following week they scored themselves an absolute bargain of a stunning top level apartment which overlooked the classic Boston skyline. Somehow, they’d managed to convince the landlord to rent to them for cheap, and soon enough everyone started to move their stuff in.

To celebrate their gorgeous new apartment, the group decided that they would throw a housewarming party at some point in the next few weeks. Planning was immense - everyone wanted to do something different, plus finding time where everyone would be off work was difficult. Elijah had never thrown a house party before, so he was overlooking most of the planning, while Sienna and Suki did tasks such as stocking up on cheap booze. Aurora didn’t really want to get involved in the planning side of things, too focused on her studies, but was looking forward to the party all the same. She was crazy grateful to be able to move away from her overbearing aunt. Jackie also wasn’t so involved in the planning, but more out of lack of interest in making plans. After a week or so, they’d decided on a date. All that was left to do was to invite everyone. And, yeah, that pretty much meant _everyone_. 

Suki’s mind had been pretty occupied, mostly by a certain sun-kissed surgeon who’d swayed her to The Stone Roses. Since that first night, Suki had only seen Bryce in passing in the corridors, always taking lunch breaks and the like at different times due to the different demands of their jobs. He’d wink or grin at her and for a moment she’d be completely focused on only that. Not to mention the all-consuming sexual chemistry they had with each other being sparked each time they merely passed by one another. She was continuously bothered by the strange familiar feeling she felt with him, increasingly frustrated that she couldn’t pin it down. 

About two and a half weeks in, Suki was suffering from an absolutely awful day. None of her patients were looking at a positive outcome, and she was feeling utterly helpless about it all. _Existentialism: Doctor’s edition_. She’d shut herself away in a supply closet to be alone with her thoughts. And to cry. _What good was being doctor if you couldn’t save lives? And everything felt like a minefield. One wrong move and it could all implode_. Misdiagnoses were so easy to make and so incredibly dangerous, she could prescribe someone a medicine they were allergic to and make their symptoms broaden, or even just upsetting someone because there was nothing she _could_ do. She worried she wasn’t ready for this job. It was all very well reading up about illnesses and treatments, but actually putting it into practice? Dealing with real life people? So incredibly intimidating.

Abruptly the door creaked open and Suki jumped back.

“Oh! Sorry, I didn’t… think anyone was in here.” It was Bryce. _Of course it was_. He looked just as good as ever, framed in the dark by the light from the hall. “I just needed to get some suture kits...”

“It’s fine, just shut the door,” her voice cloyed but she tried to subtly wipe the tears from her eyes. 

He did as she asked and came closer towards her. Even though it was dark, he noticed the red rings round her eyes and wet cheeks.

“Hey, hey. What’s going on?” His voice was soothing and gentle, his usual cocky demeanours put on a shelf.

“It’s just… I feel like I have too much power. I pretty much get to decide who lives or dies. I get to decide which words to use to ruin someone’s life I-“ she couldn’t help it as the tears began to pour out again. She wasn’t sure why she was baring her soul to Bryce, but something in her knew he would know what to say. He stood and listened, watching patiently. Bryce stepped in so he was closer to Suki.

“If I tell someone I’ll save their life, but I can’t, how am I supposed to live with myself? How do I tell a parent their six-year-old will never see it to seven? Bryce…” she continued, her eyes were wide and glassy as she stared up at him. Hearing her say his name like that stirred something in Bryce he wasn’t quite comfortable admitting.

“I know. But you’re damn good at your job, Suki. If you tell someone you’ll save their life, and you do, how do you not believe in yourself? How do you tell an old man he’s in remission? There are so many good parts to this job. It’s hard as shit, yeah, but we knew that. It was never going to be easy.” He lifted up his free hand and ran his thumb softly along her eyes to clear her tears.

“But it’s my fault. If I fail a patient... Maybe I shouldn’t be here.”

He laughed a brief hearty chuckle. “You made It through med school, climbed your way to the top of the medical interns at Edenbrook, and you really think you’re in the wrong place? I’ve seen those rankings, Moore. You’re good crop.”

She gave him a lopsided smile. His confidence had a way of rubbing off on her.

“Every doctor has their moment of doubt. It’ll pass,” he continued.

“How do you do it?”

He shrugged. “I just know I’m damn good at what I do. It’s still early days, Suki. Just let it come and go.”

She nodded and felt the desire to hug him. Lucky for her, he held his arms out to her and she collided with his hard chest, again. She still had her arms crossed in front of her, but moved to cradle her head into the crook of his neck, shifting her body so she was leaning into him. Bryce’s arms enveloped her, like a large, hard, teddy. She felt like a baby, cocooned and cooed at by the light soothing motion Bryce was drawing down her back. It felt like the most natural thing.

“Shit. I guess you _are_ damn good at what you do,” she said. Her voice was muffled by Bryce’s scrub top, but he heard her all the same, and couldn’t help but grin at the girl in his arms.

“I told you, I’m a talented guy.”

She pulled her head back after a minute, looking up into his brown eyes, which were honey like his skin usually, but deep and alluring in the dimmed light of the supply closet. His arms still cradled her.

She suddenly wanted to tangle her fingers into his hair and kiss him passionately. Because despite the snark, the ego, the cockiness, he’d made her feel better after an incredibly difficult day. And there was definitely something scandalous about being in a supply closet together. The thick sexual tension that had been whirring for two weeks now was at an all time high. Her eyes flirted down to his plump lips, still ghosted with a smile. Her heart was pumping right out of her chest, she was surprised he couldn’t feel it against his own. The chemistry could be cut with a knife. She tightened her arms around herself as she made the flash decision. Without giving him too much time to back out, Suki swiftly moved forward and pressed her lips to his. 

He hesitated at first, still as stone, giving Suki a moment to freak out – _shit, he doesn’t want to be doing this. I made the wrong call_ \- before he pushed his lips back into hers with fervent want. They reacted to each other like it was something that had been simmering for way longer than just two and half weeks. Their mouths clambered almost clumsily around each other. Bryce’s hands moved up her back and to her neck with a caress, before he steered her round and pushed her up against the shelves. A few bits of equipment fell down, but they didn’t care. Suki pulled him as close to her as she could, hands gripping his waist. She could feel his muscles move under her fingers as they kissed, which sent a jolt through her stomach. _She was actually kissing him. _For some reason, the idea felt unattainable and the fact that it was happening felt fantastical.__

__His lips were soft but applied pressure, his tongue demanding and dominating. Suki let out an unintentional moan, causing a gruff noise from Bryce’s throat, and she could feel him smiling against her lips. Caught up in the passion of the moment, and wanting to savour every part of this, Suki lifted up a leg and wrapped it around Bryce’s hip. He responded by pressing his body tighter against hers and removing a hand from her neck to support her leg, copping a feel of her backside on the way there._ _

__Suki didn’t even care that the shelves were digging into her back. All she cared about in that moment was getting as much as she could out of Bryce. Because, _god_ , was he hot. His kisses were practised and skilled, clearly something he’d done a lot. She pulled him closer towards her, and he removed his lips from hers to burrow his face into her neck and suck at that sweet spot. She gasped at the sensation, earning a cocky chuckle from Bryce. If he gave her a hickey, she was dead._ _

__To avoid that possibility, she pulled his face from her neck to meet her lips again, deepening the kiss, and finally threading her fingers through his floppy hair in the way she’d wanted to before._ _

__A loud creak and unexpected light falling on her shut eyelids indicated that the door had been opened. Suki opened her eyes wide and looked over to the door to see an older Doctor. Oh god. She knew this guy. Dr Zaid Mirani – her attending. The leg which had been round Bryce’s hip dropped immediately._ _

__“Can you give us a minute?” Bryce asked, frustrated, eyes shut and forehead against Suki’s, not giving a single shit that they’d just been caught in the act, not even bothering to see who it was._ _

__“I need some scissors. Don’t let me stop you,” Zaid snapped._ _

__At this, Bryce sighed and stepped away from Suki. Suki tried turning away coyly so that Zaid didn’t see her face, moving away from the shelves to give him access. There was a deafening awkward silence as Zaid rummaged through the shelves to find what he needed, Suki looking anywhere but at either of the men in the room. Bryce’s eyes watched her, flattening her hair down on her head and smoothing down her clothes._ _

__After what felt like far too long, Zaid left without a word. The door shut behind him and Bryce and Suki were sent back into dim light. She looked over to Bryce finally, who was leaning against a cupboard with his hands in his pockets, a humorous smile playing on his lips. Even in the dark he looked good, hair ruffled from her fingers and lips swollen from relentless kissing. _Ah, shit. He looked so good_. Unlike Suki, he hadn’t taken the time to refine his appearance. But, she kind of liked it that way._ _

__“That kinda killed the mood,” he said, pushing off the cupboard._ _

__“…yeah. We should get back to work, anyway,” replied Suki. She was hot from embarrassment, _again_. This boy sure knew how to get her flustered, both unintentionally and intentionally. _That kiss sure had some intention behind it_. It had been a nice distraction, and admittedly she felt much better, but it was time to get back to reality. _ _

__He chuckled and scratched his thumb over his chin. He didn’t seem embarrassed at all. Then again, asking a resident to leave so they could continue their steamy make-out didn’t strike Suki as something someone who was easily embarrassed would do. Unluckily for her, Suki was a stickler for humiliation. Maybe hooking up with Dr Bryce No-Fear wasn’t something a blubbering blushing mess should repeat._ _

__Bryce walked toward Suki, and she almost jumped back, worried he might try again. For a couple of reasons: worried they’d be caught again, and Suki would never live it down with herself, but also worried she wouldn’t be able to stop at a sensible place. He was too sexy, and too experienced. But he reached behind Suki to grab a suture kit. The whole reason he’d even been here in the first place. He held it up to show her, before making his way to the door._ _

__“You’ll kill it out there, Dr. Moore,” he reassured before opening the door, letting the light flood the room again, and shutting it behind him once again leaving Suki in the dimness._ _

__She crept out of the supply closet, not looking where she was going and accidentally ramming straight into Jackie._ _

__“You look a mess!” Jackie laughed, noting Suki’s scruffed up hair and creased scrubs._ _

__Suki cursed herself internally as she once again started to sweat._ _

__“Oh! Long day, is all. I’m only halfway through, too!”_ _

__Jackie side-eyed her blustery response. “I’ve got to get this shot to this patient. You’re lucky this time, Moore.”_ _

__—-_ _

__A couple of hours later, Suki was finally grabbing a bite to eat when she received a page from Aurora._ _

__Suki rushed into the room, where Aurora was already debriefing the resident. _Shit_. It was Zaid. She prayed that he hadn’t caught her face before, that it had been too dark and she’d turned away quick enough that he hadn’t recognised her._ _

__“Hey, Aurora. What’s the situation?” She breathed out, exhausted from speeding up there. Aurora looked grateful as she turned to Suki._ _

__“Moore,” Zaid greeted tightly. Something told her that he had definitely seen her face earlier. He didn’t seem like the type to bring it up, though._ _

__“Ms. Redford was admitted for a broken neck, but her blood work looks incredibly strange…”_ _

__—-_ _

__“So, Dr Mirani’s a pretty grumpy guy, but why do I feel like there was a reason he was short with you earlier?” Aurora asked as the walked down the corridor to their next patient. Damn her for being smart and perceptive._ _

__Suki weighed up whether or not to tell Aurora. It might be quite nice to have someone on her side, to tell all the awkward stories. She hadn’t done the whole secret make-out since college, and back then, she had a roommate to gossip about it with. At the end of the day Suki still barely knew Aurora; sure, they lived together, but they hardly even had a chance to be at the apartment together with their different shifts and the like. And when they weren’t at work, they were sleeping or eating. Maybe that meant telling her would feel like less of a big deal? Then again, even the idea of saying it was making her cringe. Plus, Aurora was great but she might not be too impressed that Suki had been taking time out of work to make-out with a surgical intern. In a supply closet which anyone could walk in on. And, had walked in on. A senior attending. She decided against it._ _

__“I don’t know. I just don’t think he likes me much.” She wasn’t a very good liar, which Aurora seemed to glean; but she didn’t push further._ _

__—-_ _

__After what felt like the most exhausting day ever - having difficult patients, a mental breakdown in a supply closet, a hot make out session in the same supply closet, being caught by her attending, and then having hours more of gruelling work – Suki threw herself onto her bed dramatically. It felt like her whole body, including her internal organs, was on fire. She eventually got up to change into her pyjamas, clean her face, and brush her teeth. There was a knock on her door. She opened it to reveal it was Elijah._ _

__“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, it looked like he’d been home a while. Suki was happy to see him nonetheless._ _

__“Just winding down after work, you know.”_ _

__“Yeah, today was a long one,” he added awkwardly._ _

__“Tell me about it.”_ _

__He seemed like there was something he knew, or wanted to say, but didn’t._ _

__“Movie?” Elijah asked._ _

__“Sure, I might pass out though.”_ _

__She followed Elijah to the sofa and let him load up Netflix. She pulled off the fluffy blanket from the arm and snuggled into the crook of the sofa, next to Elijah’s chair. They put on a classic romcom and settled in to watch it, everyone else either asleep or working. Suki and her other roommates had become close quickly, but she still felt she wanted to bond more with them, get to know them better. She truly loved each one of them, and they each had their own personal qualities which enriched the group._ _

__“So-“ Elijah finally came out with about a quarter of the way in, only to turn and see Suki had passed out._ _

__Elijah tucked her in on the sofa and shut the TV off so she wouldn’t be disturbed. He would have to talk to her again another time. He wheeled away into his own bedroom._ _

__—-_ _

__Around an hour later, Suki woke with a stir, taking a moment to recognise her surroundings. She must’ve fallen asleep here, and she noticed how she was tucked into the blanket. _Elijah_. How was she ever going to bond more with her flat mates If she couldn’t even stay awake to watch a movie with them? She sighed, folding up the blanket to place on the sofa arm again, and made her way into her own bed._ _

__In the dark of the night, Suki’s thoughts wandered to Bryce’s lips on hers, his hands on her neck, his _lips_ on her neck, his body close to hers…_ _

__She thought about that smirk and that laugh, the way his hair felt under her fingers, his taut stomach muscles under her hands. The way he tasted clean, faintly minty, the smoothness of his lips on her own. The feeling of her leg wrapped round his hip. If Zaid hadn’t interrupted when he had, Suki wasn’t sure she would’ve been able to stop. Truthfully, it had been a while since she’d slept with anyone, and a while since she’d actually been so sexually attracted to someone._ _

__But she tried not to think about it. He’d helped her out of a tight spot earlier, and she’d thanked him. Now, she would have to put in all her effort to be a better doctor. _Not_ try to sleep with the other interns. No matter how sexy their body and face and demeanour was. She wondered why he’d been so kind to her, taken the time to reassure her and validate her thought. Perhaps just a ploy to get that kiss, or something more, but Suki wasn’t really sure she cared if it had been. Even so, he’d seemed genuine. She supposed he was a doctor after all, helping people was second nature to him._ _

__Come to think of it, the way they’d kissed in the supply closet struck that odd feeling in her again. How did she know him? Did he know her? Was she just superimposing someone else on to him to make him more appealing to her carnal desires and more of a mystery to solve? Maybe it was that if she let herself get hung up in this completely farcical idea, she could ignore what she was _really_ thinking about deep down: her failures as a doctor. _ _

__So, maybe she didn’t know Bryce at all. She just liked how he looked and _wanted_ there to be something. They say if you desire something, it pops up everywhere. So, those feelings of déjà vu, maybe they were all in her head. Or maybe she was just spiralling, after the ridiculously lengthy and eventful day. Her eyelids started to drop unintentionally. Maybe she would think about this tomorrow, instead…_ _


	3. It Clicks Into Place

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group’s housewarming party rolls around, and Suki remembers what she’d forgotten.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  Magnets - Disclosure, Lorde

Soon enough, difficult day after difficult day, the group’s housewarming party rolled around. They all had work during the day, so had set up some of the stuff the night before, such as drinks on the table and making sure the apartment looked ok.

Work was long, arduous, but just as rewarding as ever. The group went round last minute inviting as they saw people throughout the day, even though they’d already invited a bunch of people. Elijah was starting to get worried about the apartment being overrun, but Sienna was confident it would be controlled. Famous last words? Positively for Suki, the party planning had meant the group had gotten closer, which she was very glad about. Elijah gave her an occasional look she couldn’t decipher, but they became fewer and further between as the days went on.

After Suki got home, she showered off the day and changed into a lacy black top and some blue denim mom jeans. The classic jeans and a nice top never failed. After a once over in the mirror she stepped out of her room, being sure to lock it before going to the main room. God forbid someone mistake her bedroom for the bathroom.

For that moment, it was just the residents of the apartment, and they were able to squeeze in a nice bonding chat and a couple of drinks before the hordes arrived. Jackie laughed about their landlord Farley’s reaction if a lot of people were to turn up, earning a nervous chuckle from Elijah. Suki and Sienna made a bet that if the apartment ended up overrun, they’d pour each other a mystery shot.

The guests started arriving in waves as soon as the start time came around. There were nurses, doctors, lots of people Suki didn’t even recognise. Maybe they’d gone a little overboard with the invites. After only a small while there was a sea of heads waving through the apartment.

They all played host, mingling round the various groups, chatting politely, making small talk about the hospital, getting drinks.

And then through the door, over the sea of heads, swaggered someone Suki wasn’t expecting to see.

 _Oh god_. It was Bryce. Gold streaked hair and deep beige skin instantly recognisable. Wearing black jeans and a blue Henley, rolled up to the sleeves, Bryce looked very different from the scrubs she’d gotten used to. But it certainly wasn’t a bad different. He was with a couple of the surgical interns Suki recognised, laughing at something one of them said and scanning his eyes around the party. She watched to wait and see if his eyes crinkled up the way they had when he was with her before. Almost instantly her stomach flipped and she could feel his hands on her body: where his large, rough hands had held her neck, her leg, grazed over her waist and backside. In that moment she considered just going over and kissing him again, just for another taste of his lips. To wipe that stupid smile off his face. Or to flatten the crinkles at the corners of his eyes as he laughed. But she didn’t. She manoeuvred herself into a group to hide herself, but she could still see him.

She distinctly remembered not inviting him, she hadn’t even spoken to him since the supply closet. Unless you count him coming to take her patient into surgery, the patient calling him ‘Ken Doll’, and Bryce winking at her before leaving. There had been a pretty clear reason. She’d been far too embarrassed, and honestly, she wasn’t sure how he’d react to her inviting him to the party either. Some people might take that kind of invitation as a date, and that definitely wasn’t what she wanted him to think. It was just a hookup. A one-time hookup which had been very, very nice, but that was all. But he was here anyway. And here she was again, hot in the face. After all, all her housemates had met him at Donohue’s, so one of them must’ve invited him. Suki needed a drink.

She grabbed herself a vodka soda and wedged herself pretty deliberately into a conversation with a group of nurses. It wasn’t the most riveting conversation, but Suki took it to sip rather substantially at her drink. They were discussing an episode of a TV show Suki didn’t watch, so she nodded and laughed. After about five minutes, she politely excused herself to go and find Sienna. She’d promised her shots, after all – the flat was well and truly packed.

She spotted Sienna leaning on the kitchen counter talking to a handsome nurse, her sweet features plastered in a warm smile. Suki decided it was maybe best not to interrupt her, but she needed a top up anyway, so headed that way regardless. As she squeezed through people toward the drinks, she spotted Bryce talking to a couple of girls not so far away from her destination. Hm, no big surprise there. It would save her a lot of anguish to sneak past without him noticing her, at _least_ until she had a few more drinks in her system.

Just as Suki tried to sneak past, eyes staring at the spot she was going to, an intern to her right stepped back with a laugh. Since she wasn’t looking, or expecting that, Suki was knocked from her feet and shoved to her left.

Right into Bryce.

He broke her fall, thankfully, but she wished to whoever might be listening that she might be able to go one week without being embarrassed around this man. Had she pissed off some seriously influential people in a past life? His reflexes were quick, but not quick enough to have been able to catch her when he’d had his back to her. Which meant he must’ve noticed her before. Her paper cup laid trodden in on the ground beneath them.

“We have to stop meeting like this,” Bryce said behind her in a low, quiet voice as he gripped Suki’s shoulders to steady her. 

“Trust me, if it was by choice we wouldn’t be meeting at all,” she bit back. She wasn’t entirely sure where the venom in her voice came from, and it definitely wasn’t true. She at least liked to look at the guy, eye candy wasn’t something to complain about. Perhaps it was a defence to get ahead of herself.

“Oof,” he mocked a face of pain, hands still warm on Suki’s upper arms. “Don’t tell me you’re ignoring me now.”

“How can I be ignoring you when this is the first I’ve seen you in a while.”

He moved his arms downward to Suki’s forearms and leaned in closer to her face, ghosting above her. One move and he could kiss her.

“You mean since my lips blew your mind.” 

She scoffed. “I think you’re overestimating.”

He chuckled, a smug grin spreading across his face. “That definitely wasn’t the impression I was getting.”

“Hm,” Suki wasn’t sure how to respond, and took to looking around at the partygoers nearby.

“I was probably the best damn kiss you’ve ever had,” he whispered, just loud enough for her to hear. She felt one of his hands lose the grip on her arm, one of his fingers curling under her chin to turn her face to his. He seemed slightly buzzed, his natural confidence elevated.

“You’re practically a stranger.”

He lifted the finger up her face, and dragged it seductively down the side of Suki’s face. She tried to hide her shocked intake of breath. All signs of the gentle, comforting surgeon when he’d first stumbled into the supply closet were gone. Only the cocky, flirtatious airs floated around their interaction, an aroma of tequila wafting warmly over her face.

“I just _know_ you’ve kissed strangers before. And I can tell I was the best.” There was a hypnotising glint of mischief in his eyes. 

He was right, of course. About both of those facts. It had been a while before Bryce but she could still remember never having kissed someone quite like that. Except maybe that one time in college when she’d been drunk at a frat party. But certainly not sober. She had never had time for serious relationships, so she rarely got with the same person twice. She chuckled, stepping back from him and with it letting a rush of cool air wash over her in replacement of his body heat.

Her head seemed to clear a little.

“You can make all the assumptions you like, you’re not getting anything out of me,” she teased.

He clicked his tongue playfully at this and said: “a couple more drinks and I reckon you’re a bit of a blabbermouth drunk.”

“Isn’t everyone?”

“Touché.”

Just then, a hand landed on Suki’s shoulder.

“Is this scalpel jockey bothering you?” Jackie grinned.

“Always,” Suki laughed, shooting a grin at Bryce to let him know she wasn’t serious. He chuckled and greeted Jackie.

After a while longer, a large group of them were chatting: Suki, Bryce, Jackie, Elijah, and one of Bryce’s surgical intern friends called Fred. Sienna was still talking with the cute nurse, and Aurora was nowhere to be seen.

“So when I was at Harvard,” Fred began, he’d been driving the conversation for a while now, and it was pretty obvious that everyone was getting a bit bored of it. “We had absolute ragers, you know, _proper_ parties.”

Jackie sneered at him. “If you’re not enjoying yourself you can leave.”

Fred laughed, but it seemed a little uneasy.

“No, I was just trying to share my college stories.”

 _College stories_. Suki had a few of those. Jackie crinkled her nose at Fred but supplied her own story anyway.

“Well, thank god I never knew you at Harvard,” Jackie said to Fred, playfulness in her voice however. He laughed and they started their own little conversation about their college days. The other three stood a little awkwardly, now cut from the discussion.

“Time for me to get a drink I think. As we know my UChicago days weren’t all that exciting,” Elijah looked a bit flustered, and wheeled away with a wave to Bryce and Suki. 

Bryce turned to face her, both of them considerably drunker than before. His eyes sparkled in the blur Suki was seeing him through.

“They called me Party God in college,” he bragged, smirking cockily.

And there it was. At his words it all came flooding back to her in cascades. _Oh my god_.

“I’ve figured it out. Where I know you from!”

He raised an eyebrow. “Do tell.” The red cup in his hand looked incredibly at home, fitting into his large rough hands.

She scoffed and shook her head. _How could she forget?_ How on earth had it taken her so long? She supposed he did look quite different, but _still_.

“Stanford. You went to Stanford.”

He mocks a gasp. “I did?”

Bryce Lahela had been the life of the party without ever actually having to get involved with things. He’d managed to be everyone’s favourite frat boy despite not being part of a fraternity. Everyone there had known him by name.

His hair was lighter and shorter now, and he seemed to have gotten even more handsome, and certainly more muscular. But it was definitely him. _God_. She was so stupid to not have worked it out yet, to never have gotten his last name.

And _oh god. Oh fucking hell_. She watched him in horror as the memory of essentially their only interaction from college dawned on her.

They’d made out once. At a stupid frat party. 

That’s why kissing him had felt so familiar!

—-

_Suki was drunk. She was finally letting herself loose for once, taking a moment away from her studies. It wasn’t like she was a robot or anything, she was just incredibly determined. No complaining about a party – but a frat party? Maybe slight complaining. But her roommate had insisted she come, and she couldn’t say no. Kiana had this thing going on with a frat boy, so she just *had* to go._

_So Suki put on a nice floral dress and a bit of makeup, hoping it would be enough to let her in. She didn’t even want to get into the ridiculousness of Frats’ looks based systems. The whole Greek system was fucked. No mind though, Suki was only there to get her degree to go to med school, and eventually become a qualified doctor. And sometimes get a little too drunk and take home a stranger. She had to blow off steam somehow. So she and Kiana pre-drank a little before heading down to the venue._

_Kiana grabbed her hand as they walked up to the huge frat house. There were stragglers outside, and the house was lit up by lights systems and pounding music. They were let in and the inside was foaming with beer and drunk college kids. Suki was already stumbling, no way she was planning to attend a frat party even remotely sober._

_Abandoned for Kiana’s frat boy, Suki aimlessly wandered the large, teeming house, until she found some drinks. A group of guys nearby were playing beer pong._

_“Hey, you! We need one more for the team, you in?” One of the guys noticed her watching and called out to her._

_“Why the fuck not,” she slurred, throwing her hands out to the side of her._

_She wasn’t very good at the game, and the guy she was up against was very good. This lead to many more beers downed by Suki._

_“Oops,” the boy grinned as he sunk another ping pong ball into one of Suki’s cups. “Sorry, I’m kind of good at everything.”_

_She was taken aback by his confidence, and was even more determined to land her shot. And… score!_

_He winced playfully as he watched her take her perfect shot, and the wide, heavy lidded grin which spread across her face as a result._

_“Alright, alright. I like a good challenge.” He was playful, smooth, no slips in his demeanour despite the intoxicated buzz emanating from him. Or, perhaps, it was more a buzz of Suki’s slow intoxication from his manner._

_He sunk the ball and once again Suki was throwing back the wheaty liquid. Then, the next two players took the table and Suki was thinking she should maybe take a momentary break at least from the drinking. She should at least check Kiana was okay._

_“Hey, you okay? You sunk quite a few cups back there,” her beer pong opponent stepped out from behind the table to where she moved toward the door to another room._

_“No thanks to you,” she teased, leaning against the nearby wall to balance herself. He mirrored her._

_A leather jacket hugged his slim frame. Suki scanned her eyes down his white shirt, blue jeans, and black Dr Marten boots. Now he was closer, she could see his sculpted features clearer, and she’d seen those before._

_“You! You’re in my anatomy class,” she slurred, pointing a curved finger between his eyes. He momentarily crossed them as he looked at her finger, giving a moment for Suki to drunkenly admire the warm deep brown of them._

_“I’m very good at anatomy,” he swiped a lock of long hair behind an ear and shot Suki a cheeky grin._

_“I know, you’re veeeerrryy smart,” she slurred. He chuckled, the double entendre of his words going straight over her head._

_“Not as smart as you.” He leaned against the wall, sipping from his red cup. She knew this guy was popular, and she could see why. He was confident, attractive, and damn smart. He always had a gaggle of girls and guys surrounding him before lectures, the only reason she even knew who he was was because everyone did. Even if you’d never met him, if you were the 2014 graduating class of Stanford – you knew the name Bryce Lahela._

_She couldn’t help herself stutter at his compliment; she knew it was flirty bullshit, and that he probably had no idea who she was, but it was delightful to hear. And he was looking at her with those deep brown eyes from under his eyelashes, plump lips tugged up in a mischievous grin, ghosting gentle dimples on his cheeks. And the room might’ve been spinning, and he may have been a blur, but she knew what she wanted to do._

_One of his hands reached out to brush across her jawline, eyes trained on hers and lips still teasing her with that smile._

_And then she was kissing him. Her fingers threaded through his long brunette locks, and he held her waist tightly. He responded assumingly; he had known this interaction would end this way._

—-

“Yeah, I did,” he repeated, more sincerely this time. He gave her a shit eating grin. He must’ve known this whole time, he must’ve remembered her. The way his eyes flitted down to Suki’s parted – from the shock - lips told her all she needed to know. 

“I told you I knew you.” 

“Well, college was a long time ago now, and you know how many people attend one University. I don’t remember everyone who went there,” he shrugged, eyes sparkling teasingly. _Okay. So he was going to play it like that?_

“Uh-Huh. Well I wasn’t much at college but you certainly made a name for yourself.”

He shrugged, “I can’t help that everyone loves me.”

She looked around the apartment dramatically, craning her head over Bryce’s tall shoulders and behind herself.

“I don’t see people lining up to talk to you…” she sucked air through her teeth mockingly.

He chuckled.

“Yeah, alright alright. You just wait a minute.”

There was an electric moment where they both simply stared at each other, light grins playing on their faces.

The night went on, Suki and Bryce breaking off to chat with different people, and do a little bit of dancing. There was an awkward moment when Suki was having a conversation with Ines and Zaid walked up. He eyed Suki with judgement, and watched Bryce where he was over by the bar chatting with a group. 

Now that Suki knew what she’d been trying to grasp for a while now, it was like a whole buffet was laid in front of her. She had all these possibilities of what she could do with this information, how she could act about it. And as she got drunker, and drunker, she figured out exactly what it was she wanted to do.

The apartment was clearing out by that point, so as to keep their landlord off their backs, and because many of the attendees had shifts coming up or simply needed time to recuperate.

When the apartment was pretty much fully empty, the group started clearing up. Much to Suki’s surprise, Bryce was filling bin bags with red cups and empty beer cans. 

“Woah, thanks for helping clear up.”

“No sweat,” he shrugged like it was the most natural thing in the world. 

“I’m going to bed,” Jackie groaned across the room. “No one wake me.”

“Me too,” chimed in Sienna, giving the surface one last swipe with the antibacterial spray.

“Me three,” said Elijah. The apartment looked almost the same as it had pre-party.

“Did anyone see Aurora all night? I texted and she read it…”

But Suki’s question fell on deaf ears, everyone had already retreated to their bedrooms. She sighed. Bryce stood in front of her, tying the top of the bin-bag, gorgeous features furrowed with focus.

“Hey, you can head home. The help is very appreciated.”

“Okay, I guess I’ll see you ‘round the hospital?” He stepped away from the bin-bag and towards where Suki was stood.

She nodded, not quite in control of her legs which were stepping toward him. 

“Yeah, I’ll see you then.”

“At work. No where else. Definitely not hiding in supply closets…” Bryce was practically whispering now, voice low with desire. His eyes switched between hers, and down to her lips for a split second. Suki was drumming her fingers against her thigh in a sort of nervous rap, but the alcohol meant she could keep her eyes trained on Bryce’s god-like face. The movement also pulled Bryce’s eyes down to her thigh for a moment, and he swallowed hard. 

“Nope. I don’t want anyone finding me in there again…”

By now their faces were so close they could feel the other breathing.

“Although, there are a few things that could be started in a supply closet and not so much finished…”

“Yeah? What’s that?” She lifted a corner of her mouth up.

And the next second Bryce’s lips were on hers. Rough, desperate, fervent as they had been the last time. He no longer tasted like fresh mint, this time of tequila and secret moments. 

His hands found her waist quickly, tracing up from the spot she’d been tapping at a minute ago, her own hands cupping his neck. She could feel the muscles in his neck move each time he kissed her.

They walked backwards towards the hall, stumbling and feeling for objects because they didn’t want to break apart.

A fairly loud bang rang out across the apartment as Bryce pushed Suki up against her bedroom door.

“Shhhh,” she giggled into his mouth, causing him to quietly laugh as well. It felt like they were teenagers doing something forbidden at their parents’ house. Their lips connected again, hungry, needing.

Suki felt around beside her, and found the doorknob to her bedroom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my beta readers: Pine, RealityOfTheMatter, and AlphaBanana! You’re all fantastic and I appreciate your help so much🥺


	4. Late Night Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce and Suki discuss the future of their relationship.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Late Night Feelings - Mark Ronson, Lykke Li

Grappling with the doorknob, she realised that it wasn’t going to open. Suki cursed herself for having locked the door earlier. So much for trying to keep partygoers out of there. Reluctantly removing her lips from Bryce’s, she turned around so she could see the lock, even if it was spinning a little.

Bryce took this opportunity to pull her backside tight to his body, swiping hair from her neck so he could kiss down it. They were soft kisses but left tingles in each spot he sucked on, warm and gently bruising. At each spot Suki could still feel his lips there, even though he’d moved to another location on her neck. She wanted to reach a hand back to tangle through those sun-streaked, soft, strands of hair. To encourage him to keep going. But if she wanted this to continue she would have to get the door unlocked. 

“Bryce…” she whispered a laugh, grappling her hand towards her back pocket, “my key’s in here.” She slid her hand between their bodies to slip out the key, grazing Bryce’s thigh on the way.

He let out a quiet moan of complaint, but kept slowly sucking at the underside of her jaw. His soft kisses and tight hold were leaving her absolutely breathless. After struggling with the lock for longer than either of them wanted to wait, and a few cuss words, Suki was able to push open the door to her bedroom. Almost as soon as the door creaked open Suki turned back around to lock her lips with his again, pushing her hands flat against his pecs. The door closed automatically behind them, causing a louder slam than expected and a little jump from the two interns. Nevertheless, they continued to kiss their way back towards the bed. 

Suki broke apart just before they reached the mattress, slipping off her shoes ever so slowly. Bryce followed, but watched hungrily, desperate for contact once more.

She pushed him back on the bed with one hand, following to climb on top and straddle him. He instinctively brought his hands up to dig into the sides of her thighs. _Far too many clothes right now._

“Nice,” he grinned. 

“No more talking, Lahela,” she breathed. She placed a finger to rest it on his mouth in a ‘shushing’ motion, where he gave it a cheeky lick. She laughed at the action but didn’t move.

“Not a peep,” he winked, pulling her finger from his face and using his grip on her hand and thigh to flip her over so he was on top. Entwining their lips again, Bryce teased his fingers up the hem of her top, feeling the warm contractions of her stomach as they kissed. Suki’s hands lightly grazed Bryce’s neck, keeping him where she wanted him.

Suki spun them around again so she was once again straddling Bryce. His hands found their space on the outsides of her thighs once more. She pulled her top over her head, earning a low whistle and chuckle from him. Then she started to pull Bryce’s top over his head, each tug revealing a new ab muscle. Bryce moved his arms above him to let her undress him, all the while regarding her with the smuggest grin ever. 

“I can see why that patient called you Ken Doll…” Suki breathed out as she traced her fingers over the contours of his chest. He really looked like he’d been taken straight out of a Calvin Klein advert. 

“I thought we weren’t talking?”

“Shut up,” she laughed, forcing him to be quiet by attacking his lips with hers again. They scrambled around with their trousers as they kissed, clumsy and desperate.

Soon enough they were in their underwear and touching all over each other’s bodies. At feeling her lacy underwear, Bryce wondered if maybe she’d known something would happen. He pulled her off him momentarily.

“Hey, you okay with this?”

“Yeah. You?”

He grinned wolfishly like the fact she’d even asked was ridiculous. Then they rejoined and continued on into the night, mulling in their pleasures and ecstasies. 

—-

The next morning Suki’s eyes creaked open with difficulty as though she was peeling back a sticky label. She’d slept through the night fully with no interruptions. There was a heavy weight over her waist, and something pressing into her back. Light breaths tickled and warmed her neck.

 _Ah_. Suki remembered the nights events, and sure enough, as she looked down ever so slightly, she saw the large rough hand draped over her body was a deep honey-coloured, highlighted by the sunlight streaming through the gap in the curtains. She could see in her head the way it held her last night, gripping at her waist, digging into her thighs, and running itself through its owner’s soft gold-streaked hair. _Nice_. She echoed his own words from before.

Suki had done many one-night-stands before, so she wasn’t bothered with the fact they’d slept together. And after all, she had bagged the most attractive man she’d ever laid eyes on, and she hadn’t been drunk enough that she couldn’t remember everything they’d done in the dim witching hours. She could definitely recall the way he’d held her, his hot kisses, the stars he’d made her see. Only, he’d stayed the night. They worked together. They had weird history. What if he expected more? More than Suki could give him. She didn’t have time for feelings or dating, her job was her life now. She wasn’t even sure she was capable of feelings these days, it had been years since she’d been in a relationship. 

But maybe she needn’t worry; Bryce was a perpetual flirt after all. In fact, of course she was being silly, of course he wouldn’t expect more. She’d known the guy, like, a month. _Well, unless you counted their singular meeting at college_. This was just what it said on the tin: a no-feelings, fucking amazing one-night-stand. She sighed in relief, slowly attempting to edge her body away from Bryce’s.

Suki felt Bryce stir behind her, grunting quietly. The bed creaked slightly as he moved. Her stomach contracted with nerves at the thought of him waking up. Okay, so they’d done some things last night – there was a LOT of looking and touching - but that didn’t stop the fact that Suki was cringing at the thought of Bryce seeing her naked that morning. That was just who she was. It didn’t matter that she saw other naked people at work all the time, but the fact that it was her own body in the sober light of day was different. Intimate. She cradled her comforter over her chest the best she could, trying to dispel the nerves from her head. _It doesn’t matter. He saw it all last night, anyway. He more than saw it…_

Another grunt from Bryce caused Suki to jump; she’d definitely woken him now. She tensed as though she could see his eyes blinking open behind her.

“Good morning,” Bryce said, his voice gruff and scratchy, his first words of the day settling on Suki’s ears. Well, unless they were working on technicalities, of course. She could practically see the smirk on his face, despite facing away from him.

Composing herself, Suki turned to lie on her back so that she could see his face, all the while clutching the sheets around her body. Bryce’s hand had remained loosely around her waist, but as she’d turned he’d brought it back into himself. There he drew shapes on the mattress, controlled yet elegant. Suki thought once again how Bryce would use that hand in surgery, steady and artful. 

“Hi.”

The streak of light from the curtain was now drawing a line across Bryce’s right eye, down his straight nose, and over the undulations of his plump peach lips. His hair was scruffy, truly sex hair. The smirk which she was now convinced was a natural expression washed over his face, white teeth baring lightly at the movement. If there was ever a man fit to play an ancient God, it was Bryce Lahela. But, like, the rugged, bad boy God. And if Suki was honest with herself, he looked absolutely delectable, and she wanted to take another bite.

“Hi? Have I left you speechless?”

“No, Bryce. That’s how people greet each other.

He snorted, but didn’t retaliate. They laid for a minute, Bryce drawing circles on the mattress in front of him and looking directly at Suki, and Suki staring at the ceiling above her, trying not to stare at sexy Hades.

“Well, it might be Sunday but I should still probably get up and ready in case I get a page.” He stretched, pulling his bicep upward with a hand on his head.

“Yeah, of course.”

There was a slightly awkward silence as Suki tried to not watch Bryce pull his black jeans over his gorgeous ass. As he was turned back she pulled on her underwear and a pyjama top which had been ejected from her bed the night before. Suki stepped closer to the door over her bedroom where Bryce was just finishing rolling up the sleeves of his Henley. _The Henley she’d peeled off him ab by ab_. She raked a hand through her hair, and cleared her throat. 

“So, I have four roommates. You’ll have to be really quiet.”

He chuckled. “We weren’t very quiet last night.”

He’d done it again. Suki felt the familiar fire in her cheeks. 

“Yes. Well.” She motioned to the door, unsure of what to say. Bryce simply laughed again and put a hand on the doorknob.

He looked back at her bemusedly for a pause before turning the knob and stepping out into the corridor. 

Suki caught the door and shut it behind them quietly so as not to wake her roommates. The apartment was eerily quiet, but clean – it was undetectable that they’d had a party the night before. That was, aside from Bryce’s abandoned bin-bag by the sofa.

They got about halfway across the living room when they started to hear a key in the lock.

“Uh…” Suki froze. She couldn’t exactly run back to her bedroom, whoever it was would hear the two sets of footsteps anyway. Bryce shrugged nonchalantly - this didn’t put Suki’s nerves at ease in the slightest.

And then before she’d had time to make a decision, the door swung open. Aurora stood at the threshold, eyes flitting blankly between Suki and Bryce.

“I- uh- had to go and see my aunt at the hospital…help her with a case…” she trailed off, keys loose in her hand as she took in both of their messy hairs and the awkward gap between their bodies. Aurora also noted that Bryce was wearing the same clothes he had been wearing last night before she’d had to run off. She knew _exactly_ what was going on here.

Suki’s eyes darted between Bryce and Aurora, wanting the ground to swallow her whole. 

Bryce just watched Suki squirm with a shit-eating grin, arms crossed in a relaxed way across his broad chest. 

It felt like the silence went on for hours.

“Shame you missed the party,” Bryce eventually broke the silence, winking at Aurora. She smiled sadly, and finally stepped into the apartment, leaving the door open for Bryce.

“Well, I’m glad you had fun.”

Bryce snorted, once again staring at Suki who was very pointedly avoiding his gaze. He walked over towards the door to begin to leave. He stopped for a minute, looking at the two girls again.

“Thanks for the sex,” he grinned with a wink, starting to saunter away from the doorway. “Let’s do it again sometime.”

 _Christ_. That was the third time now she’d felt inconsolably embarrassed because of Bryce Lahela. Not counting the many small spells. The door banged shut and Suki wished it would shut out the awkward encounter, too.

Suki turned slowly to Aurora, whose face was even more shocked than it had been before. She gave an embarrassed little smile, and what was meant to be a nonchalant shoulder shrug. Instead she ended up looking like an un-oiled robot. 

Would she ever catch a break? Her little moments of fun with Bryce all seemed to have ended in someone else walking in and embarrassing her. She wasn’t even sure what she could say to Aurora. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but she didn’t want Aurora telling the others either.

As if she was reading her mind, Aurora said: “Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

Suki smiled gratefully at her friend, who looked tired from her night. So her worries now were not only on the accidental fact that she and Bryce were apparently not sly at all, but also at her friend for missing their awaited party and having to work all evening. And then coming home to find a semi-strange man in the apartment.

But even more so than her worries, Suki’s thoughts turned to Bryce’s departing words. _Had he meant that? He wanted to do it again?_

Yes. Yes he had. 

—-

The next week Suki was caught first and foremost by Bryce after a night at Donohue’s. Their electricity whirred back up again like a generator coming to life as soon as they’d interacted again. And then they had a few drinks, inhibitions were lowered, and once again sexual desire took over. The roommates left early that night, but Suki and Bryce had stayed. They had stumbled into Bryce’s apartment attached and stayed that way for the rest of the night. Suki left before sunrise, she didn’t want to risk a repeat of their first time, her body couldn’t take getting so embarrassed again. 

Over the next few weeks, Bryce and Suki thrice stole moments here and there, and as the moments grew more frequent, they became less careful. The thing was, that was the only time they’d see each-other. Small-talking in the halls or joining the other for lunch or coffee wasn’t something either of them were interested in.

“Just sex, right?” She’d asked him sheepishly as she pulled her scrub trousers back up the first time in the on-call room.

“Just sex. I’m sure neither of us have time to deal with any more than that. Just a reliable relaxation method.”

The third time, Bryce ambushed Suki in the corridor and pulled her into an empty room. It was getting frantic as the work and pressure piled up on them both, and they were hooking up _at least_ once a week. Third work-hookup, third week. Bryce had started to kiss down her neck and tug at the hem of her trousers before she could wrap her head around it. She’d told herself she wouldn’t do this so quasi-publically again to avoid combusting if anyone found out; but he was there, and she wanted him more than anything. _Jesus Suki, sort yourself out_. 

She had to admit to herself that this would be their fifth time, and thoughts about a one night stand were long dissipated.

Just as their makeout was getting heated and Suki’s hands were grabbing at the bottom of Bryce’s top for him to remove it, there was a knock at the door. _A knock_.

“Shit…” Suki mumbled, breaking away from Bryce. She pointed to the cupboard on the corner of the room, “get in.”

“In there??”

“Yes!” She whisper-shouted, shoving him towards the cupboard. He climbed in, eyeing her with disdain, and Suki smoothed herself down before going to answer the door.

“Oh!” He was surprised. It was the same nurse Suki recognised had been talking to Sienna at the housewarming party, holding a chart. He craned his neck around the room, seeing it was empty. “Oh, sorry. I thought my patient was in here. I must’ve read it wrong.”

“No problem,” Suki smiled, “I was just taking a breather.”

The nurse nodded kindly and left back out of the door.

Bryce burst out of the cupboard, looking a little put-out, but humour still painted over his face.

“Really?” He asked.

“Well, did you want another situation?”

He laughed and it echoed off the walls of the hospital room.

“I think I need to change my scrub top,” he smiled, lifting it up on one side where there was a large rip through it.

“How did that happen?”

“Coat hanger. Kind of backed into it.”

“Okay.” She said.

—-

Suki wasn’t sure why she was following Bryce to the changing rooms, but she was. He kept looking back, amused, as she moseyed behind him down the corridors. 

When they finally reached the staff changing rooms, Suki looked round to check they were free, and began to speak behind him.

“Um… I think maybe we should work out some rules. Draw up a kind of list.”

“Seems a little much, don’t you think? For two people who just sleep together sometimes?”

“Nuh-uh, that’s three times now this has been a problem, that we’ve been caught in some kind of compromising position. We need to make rules so that we don’t break them. To keep this as straight and simple as it can be. If we’re going to do this, that is. You can back out any time.”

“You think I’m going to turn down free no-strings-attached sex with an incredibly attractive doctor? You’re insane,” he chuckled, “Okay, so I’m guessing number one is be a little more discriminating with our when’s and where’s?”

“Number one should be no work-place hook ups period.”

He blew air from his mouth like a fish. “Damn, Santa Fe. I suppose I’ll have to agree. We need to focus here, no distractions. I can’t be sneaking off with you if I want to stay the best surgeon at Edenbrook.”

Suki rolled her eyes playfully at his cockiness. Him agreeing to make this little arrangement official was a relief to Suki, though. Now she could concentrate on work and had an itch-scratcher on call. One who knew what he was doing.

“Okay. Number two – we don’t stay the night. It gets messy, I don’t need Aurora to catch you again.”

“There’s no one to catch you sneaking out at my place,” he grinned smugly.

“ _Bryce_.”

“You’re right, it’s probably not a good idea.”

“Hold on,” Suki pulled her phone out of her locker, fiddling about on it for a moment. “I need this written down for posterity.”

He laughed at her thoroughness, but didn’t protest.

“We should have a signal, too. If we’re with other people or over text,” he suggested.

“That works. What sort of signal?”

“An ‘I want to have sex’ signal.”

“Yeah, I got that much. But what should it be?”

Bryce tapped his chin in thought. “What about touching your nose with your middle finger.”

“…what?”

“You know,” he demonstrated for her, “like that.”

She shook her head at him disdainfully, restraining herself from mimicking his actions. 

“Fine, if that’s all you can think of. I suppose it’s both random and believable enough as a normal sort of movement. For texting we could use the nose emoji.”

Bryce threw his head back in a laugh. “Sexy.”

“Hey, it was your idea! Anyway, it kind of looks… phallic. In ways.”

Bryce pressed his hands together like he was praying and placed them on his mouth, thumbs supporting his chin, and shook his head slowly. He could _not_ believe she’d just said that. After regaining composure, he added:

“Alright, how about: no drunk texting for a hook-up unless we know the other is also drunk, because it’s not gonna happen.”

“Of course, goes without saying.”

“Always gotta check.”

“No hickeys. No visible marking of any kind.”

Bryce chuckled under his breath as he remembered the opportunities he’d had to mark her, her neck muscles bobbing up and down. 

“Agreed.”

“So this isn’t an exclusive thing, of course – you can sleep with whoever you want – but I’m going to need proof you’re clean if you have been going around.” She crossed her arms over her chest, all business.

“I’m a Doctor, what do you think of me?”

“Yeah, and all those douchebags at med school are probably doctors too, now.”

“Point taken. You can trust me, I’ll provide proof if necessary.”

“Likewise.” Suki knew she wouldn’t very likely be sleeping with anyone else, she wouldn’t actually have a chance to meet anyone really. But she didn’t want to rule out the possibility. 

“Anything else?”

“Nothing I can think of, but we should be willing to add stuff on.”

He nodded. Suki tapped away at her phone for a few minutes, sorting out the list.

“I’m gonna need your number, scalpel boy.”

He winked exaggeratedly at this. “Oh?”

“To send you the list, obviously.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU to my beta readers: Pine, RealityOfTheMatter, and AlphaBanana! You’re all fantastic and I appreciate your help so much🥺


	5. The Tale and The Missed Moment

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Halloween and things are getting more complicated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Sudden Desire - Hayley Williams

Bryce and Suki’s Fuck Buddy Agreement **:**

  1. No work-place hookups.
  2. No staying the night.
  3. Always use the signal. 👃
  4. No drunk texting a sober person.
  5. No visible marks.
  6. Proof of sexual health.
  7. Keep it casual.



—-

**Santa Fe** : this is Suki hello

 **Santa Fe:** i’ve sent the list

**Scalpel Jockey** : 👃

**Santa Fe** : that’s it, 👃

**Scalpel Jockey** : 👄

 **Scalpel Jockey** : shit I meant 👃

 **Scalpel Jockey** : big thumbs oops!

_Seen on 15 th October_

—-

The following weeks felt like months. Work was long, it was stressful, and it was exhausting. Sometimes all Suki wanted to do was curl up into a ball in bed and sleep for as long as possible, letting the stress of working long hours in hospital compress out of her. Sometimes, she wanted to bundle up on the sofa and watch movies with her roommates. But sometimes, Suki wanted to release her tension in other ways. Ways that involved Bryce Lahela.

They left before the morning, were careful with their grip and kisses so as to not leave any marks, and they kept work at work. The arrangement was working out perfectly, and the rules proved successful as well.

So, on paper, everything was going fine.

And everything was still fine when Halloween rolled around and the roommates planned a relaxed evening at Donahue’s followed by horror movies. They didn’t really get a chance to dress up due to work schedules and a lack of time, but they were dressed up in spirit.

They arrived early and snagged a booth: Jackie and Suki squeezing in on one side and Sienna and Aurora on the other. Elijah wheeled his chair under the head of the table. They chatted for a bit before Sienna jumped up to order a round.

A few beers and shots (courtesy of Jackie) later, the group were having some in depth conversations, making jokes, and generally enjoying each others company. 

There was a rowdy, annoying group of surgical interns stood nearby the entrance. No sign of Bryce there, however. Suki was somewhat disappointed, it was an amusing thought to her to see Bryce out the open again since they’d made their rules. She’d been to his a couple of times since then, but they hadn’t seen each other all that much really. Those times had been quick and at the end of long work days too, so Suki was looking forward to being able to draw things out a bit more at some point soon. She’d been quite obviously avoiding hookups at her house if it could be helped, because there were too many risk factors.

Plus, with him being a surgeon his hours were completely different to Suki’s, and actually stealing moments could prove tricky. She might’ve been one of the best medical interns, but word at Edenbrook was that Bryce was excelling over all the surgical interns, actually being able to watch a few surgeries, too.

That being said, she was glad he wasn’t there. She was able to enjoy a lovely evening with her roommates without thinking about only her carnal desires.

But as though the world was sending her a sign, the bell over the door rang to indicate someone entering. Bryce entered by himself, walking straight past the rowdy group of surgical interns and heading right for the roommates. He was wearing a plain black tee and distressed blue jeans, a very different look to his green scrubs.

_What was he doing here, if not to see the surgical interns? Had he come to drink… alone? Or had one of the roommates told him they’d be there?_ They had invited him to the housewarming party, after all.

Then again, if it wasn’t for that party, they never would have come to their little agreement.

There was a knowing smirk on his face as he got closer to the group.

Suki felt her stomach contract a little; they hadn’t really interacted that much as a group since the two had devised their little plan. She wasn’t going to let anything slip, but she couldn’t promise she wouldn’t be maybe a little awkward. Just a tad.

“Hey man! Come join us,” Elijah invited. Bryce grinned and squeezed in beside Suki on the bench.

She cleared her throat uncomfortably, not looking Bryce in the eye as she gave a greeting nod. His leg pressed against hers where they sat, and he was now so close that Suki could smell his cologne. Of course, nowadays, she only smelt that when they were having sex, so the smell brought her head right back to all those moments.

“Don’t you have friends over there?” Suki asked, motioning her head to where the group of surgical interns were congregated. They were now laughing obnoxiously about something.

An odd expression flashed over his face suddenly but was quickly warped into a smirk. “Well I’d rather spend time with you lovely nose wipers.”

“Oi!” Protested Jackie.

“Welcome! Enjoy our Halloween celebrations. They’re pretty lowkey this year, I wish we could all dress up and go to a party or something but, work calls,” Sienna rushed, smiling at Bryce opposite her.

Now that he was closer, and his hands lay casually on the table in front of him, Suki could see a few silver rings assorted over his long fingers. _Interesting_. She had an impulse to reach out and brush her fingers over them, or to have them dig into her own fingers, her body. And from that moment, she was screwed for the rest of the night. _Serves you right for being so goddamn thirsty._

A few hours later, more drinks down and the thoughts having continued through her head, Suki nudged Bryce gently with her shoulder. They’d all been talking as a group for the night, so they hadn’t spoken one-on-one at all yet. He looked over at her, his face pretty close due to them sitting in such proximity. She brushed her nose with her middle finger - she could pass it off as a simple scratch. Bryce smirked. His eyes flicked subtlety down to Suki’s lips, and he chuckled under his breath, moving a thumb over his bottom lip and hanging his head when he looked away from her.

Just as he was about to slide off the bench and make up an excuse to leave, Sienna shouted:

“Guys! According to google maps there’s a walking ghost tour nearby. We should go!”

“I’m kinda spent-“ Bryce began.

“No! No way you’re bailing on this, Lahela. You’re one of us ‘nose wipers’ now. We bought you drinks!” Sienna cut him off, her sweet features contorting into mock anger.

He blew air from his cheeks, but he didn’t seem annoyed. “Is everyone going?”

“I… guess?” Added Suki.

“I’m… not sure,” hesitated Elijah.

“They’re not scary, Elijah. It’s just a load of paranormal bullshit,” Jackie said.

After a bit of coaxing and a couple more shots, the group headed out of Donahue’s. They walked down a few roads before they found a man in a long leather coat holding a lantern. Sienna bounded up to him and handed him some money, the others pointing out they’d pay her back later. He introduced himself as Henry and noted that they’d wait for some more people.

Bryce and Suki kept glancing at each-other, knowing their previous plans were probably not likely to happen. Nonetheless, Sienna’s excitement was rubbing off on everyone, and even Elijah seemed into the idea. Jackie and Aurora were discussing whether or not they believed in ghosts.

Soon enough, a large group had formed around Henry, and he went into an animated sing-songy tale about the ghost history around that area of Boston.

“And in this very alley…” Henry said dramatically a little later, “is where the ghost resides. AH!” Henry let out a loud shout, causing Suki to jump back into Aurora.

“You okay?” Aurora laughed. Suki nodded with a flustered chuckle, then Henry continued leading them down the road.

_Well, that wasn’t at all embarrassing._

“Awwww, don’t tell me you’re scared, Santa Fe?” Bryce sidled up beside her.

“Of course I’m not scared!” She protested, “it’s easy to be shocked by a jump scare.” She turned her face ever so slightly, obstructing the tell-tale look on her face from Bryce’s gaze.

Henry was a fantastic story teller, emphasising the right parts and using his face and body to convey the different emotions; the group found themselves being swept up in the story. Or, facts, if one believed in the supernatural. Things were calming down a little in terms of the group being freaked out, and every now and again Bryce would lean over to Suki and whisper some kind of commentary about Henry’s story. She could just tell he was the type to talk through movies. But she didn’t mind, and actually found it quite amusing.

Then, just seconds later, a young group of guys were walking past and noticed the ghost tour, and simultaneously jumped and shouted at the touring group. It was a poor attempt to scare them. At this, however, Bryce himself yelped loudly and backed into Suki. She caught him, even though he was heavy.

“Awww, don’t tell me you’re scared, Scalpel Jockey? And of _teenagers_?” Suki mocked in an echo of his words before, holding the backs of his biceps in support. He had no jacket on, so his arms were chilly and she could feel the faint goosebumps on his skin. She found herself hoping her grip might warm him up a little. She was a doctor, after all. After a few seconds Suki let go of Bryce and the two scrambled a little to catch up with the group.

“How was I supposed to know they were just kids?!”

Suki threw her head back with a cackle as the image of Bryce cowering away from a group of teenage boys replayed in her mind. She raised an eyebrow at him, pulling her lips into her mouth.

“I wasn’t scared, obviously. No ones scared of teenagers. Well, maybe those people Gerard Way was talking about,” he laughed, his cocky demeanour flooding back into his words and face.

“And old people. Actually – lots of people find teenagers scary.”

“Well, not me.”

“Wouldn’t have pegged you as an MCR kid, though.”

“Only on the down-low,” he gave her a wink, “I was far too cool for that at school.”

“Right,” she scoffed, “Just too cool. Cool enough that you basically shat yourself at a random guy fucking with us.”

“You jumped a minute ago!”

“Yeah, along with half the tour group.”

He harrumphed. She shoved him playfully with her shoulder, partly as part of the conversation, but partly to put a little distance between them. There was still some alcohol lurking in her system and she just wanted to pull him into the alley from before, but, she couldn’t. He didn’t come closer again after the nudge.

“Shhh!” Chastised Jackie from in front of them, who was utterly engaged in Henry’s commentary. Bryce and Suki exchanged a look and tried to keep their laughter as quiet as possible. 

—-

Later on, the group were walking up toward their apartment, discussing the night’s events. Everyone had a great time, even if it might not have been the Halloween they were all used to. They walked in a staggered lump, moving fluidly between each-other. Their voices carried down the empty Boston residential blocks, yellowed streetlights illuminating their smiling faces, setting the mood for the comedown of the night perfectly.

“… _The Shining_ , duh. And we can’t forget _The Conjuring_ , or _The Texas Chainsaw Massacre_. These are classics, Aurora,” Elijah babbled along to the group.

“I vote _Halloweentown_ ,” piped up Sienna. Aurora laughed and dug her keys out of her pocket.

“Bryce, you coming in for movies?” Asked Elijah.

“Ah,” he looked over at Suki very briefly, “best not. It might be Halloween but I don’t function well on no sleep. Plus, I’ve intruded for long enough.”

Suki knew that if Bryce stayed there was every chance he’d be ending the night in her bedroom, and she’d been avoiding that since the Aurora situation.

“Killjoy,” chuckled Jackie, giving him a friendly smack on the back before entering the apartment building.

“See you next time!” Sienna pulled Bryce in for a hug, her tiny frame dwarfed by his six odd feet and broad stature. Elijah and Aurora chimed in with their farewells.

“Well… goodnight then,” nodded Suki. She didn’t go in for any kind of farewell, it wasn’t really their style. Particularly not in the company of others.

“Yeah. See you around.”

There was a moment where they kind of stared at each-other that felt like it went on for hours, but in reality was brief.

And with that, Bryce walked off down the road. There was an odd pang in Suki’s chest at the missed opportunity as she watched his figure get smaller and smaller. She’d been waiting since she’d given him the signal at Donahue’s for a chance to sneak off, trying not to look at him too much during the ghost tour or walk too close to him. There was just something ridiculously engaging about paying too much attention to Bryce Lahela that made her lose all her other thoughts. Even if she didn’t really want him to come in given everyone else, there was a sort of disappointment that _he_ hadn’t seemed to want to come in. He’d only given her the briefest look and there was no signal, no attempt to continue the night. But it obviously just wasn’t in the cards for her to get laid that night.

That being said, Suki had enjoyed herself way more than she’d anticipated: the tour itself was entertaining, and of course spending time with her friends. And… Bryce wasn’t all _that_ bad. Maybe sex wasn’t all he was good for. But either way, she couldn’t let herself get too tangled up in the other aspects of his personality, it would get messy.

“Come on then,” Sienna ushered the rest of them inside.

—-

“Hey,” Bryce’s voice rose up from behind where Suki sat eating a sandwich in the cafeteria. She turned to face him, bread stuffed in her mouth, and followed him with her eyes as he took the seat opposite her.

“Hmi,” she tried to say through her mouthful.

He barked out a laugh and pulled a shiny red apple from his pocket, flipping it round in his hands.

“When you’ve finished your mouthful,” he wiggled his eyebrows, “you free tonight?”

“Yeah, why?”

He gave her a disbelieving smirk. “You know why.” He took a casual bite from the apple, the crisp crunch ringing in her ears over the ruckus of the cafeteria.

She laughed, realising. “Sorry, still in Doctor mode. You could’ve texted, you know.”

“Eh, you were here, I needed a seat to eat my apple in. So?”

“Yeah, I’m free. I’ll drop by after my shift.”

“Cool.” He took another crunch from his apple and stood from the table, gave Suki a nod, and then swaggered off out of the cafeteria without a look back.

“See ya,” she muttered to herself.

_Didn’t he just say he wanted to sit down and eat his apple?_

—-

Suki exhaled breathlessly as Bryce rolled away from her body. They were both left in a sheen of sweat and exhausted. After a couple of moments for the duo to catch their breath, Bryce turned to face his body to her, propping his head up on his hand.

“So, not to be a bed brag or anything but… you just had sex with the guy who’s assisting on Dr Tanaka’s next surgery.”

Suki let out a breathy chuckle.

“You _are_ a brag.” Then she turned so that she faced him from the other pillow, also propping up her head on her hand, “Well done, though.” Her voice went softer, and her face took on a disarming sincerity.

Bryce was taken aback by her genuine praise, but he couldn’t let her know that.

“Thanks,” he said, eyebrows furrowed with humour, “I’m actually really excited.”

“What’s the surgery?”

“Only an appendectomy.”

“ _Only_?”

He laughed, sinking his head back down onto the pillow. His hands cradled under his head.

“Yeah, it’s not particularly advanced. Still, gonna be fun.”

They were talking as though they were friends, which wasn’t really a label Suki had felt appropriate to ascribe to their relationship.

“When is it?” _Suki, stop asking him questions!_ Then again, at this point it would be awkward if she just up and left.

“Next week. Pencil it in your calendar because you are going to have the best sex of your life that night.”

Suki let out a cackle. “Is there anything you _don’t_ think you’re amazing at?”

Again, Bryce propped himself back up so that he was facing Suki. There seemed to be a restlessness to all this changing of positions.

“I’m not lying though, am I?” As he said this his voice was low and sultry, deep mahogany eyes watching her from under his lashes. Those were sticking together slightly from the sweat, Suki was close enough to notice. He brought one of his hands down under the covers and rested it on Suki’s hip.

“If you’re trying to get me to boost your ego - It won’t work.”

He smirked, knowing that the answer he’d been looking for was hidden in those words. And she _did_ agree. He was amazing in bed.

Bryce drew barely-there circles on Suki’s hip, before pulling it towards him. Then he leaned his face right in, so that it was inches from hers.

“I don’t need you to say it because I can see it in your eyes,” and yes, he was looking straight into her eyes. But she felt sort of drunkenly infatuated with it, her desire growing by the second. “and feel it on your skin.” His grip on her hip tightened, the sweat condensing between their skin-on-skin contact. Now they were close enough that they could do it all over again if they wanted to.

Bryce trailed his finger up from Suki’s hip slowly, tickling her skin and giving her goosebumps, over the dip of her waist, the rise of her ribcage; all the way up to her neck. He splayed his hand out flat over the front of her neck, and tightened his grip. Just enough that she could feel it. Face still inches from her, he said:

“I just have an effect on people.”

And then in one swift movement, and a melodious laugh, Bryce pulled his hand and his body from hers, falling once again on his back at the pillow beside Suki’s.

_Fucking hell. Talk about flustered!_ Suki tried to pretend she was unaffected, also flopping back onto her pillow. He _did_ have an effect on people and he knew full well by now that Suki, despite her best efforts to conceal the fact, was not someone who handled being flustered well. And let’s be honest, she wouldn’t keep sleeping with the guy if it wasn’t something she was enjoying.

Despite that, though, there she was, lying in Bryce’s bed post-lay and completely naked, and not worrying about it. Not in the way she’d worried their first morning, shuffling to cover herself with her bedsheets. She supposed by now he knew her body inside and out, and that emotional intimacy she’d been scared of had warped into a purely carnal intimacy. Plus, the fact that she hadn’t just woken up next to him, slightly hungover, probably helped.

“Yeah, you keep telling yourself that,” she practically choked out, as though his hand was still splayed over her neck.

He could tell he’d affected her, and that classic smirk spread wider over his face as he stared at his bedroom ceiling.


	6. Bad Luck Bryce

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another night at Donohue’s ensues madness and some unintended consequences.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> You’re The One That I Want - John Travolta, Olivia Newton John

By now it was just under a week into November, everything was getting colder, and the hospital was getting busier as it did in the winter months. As a result free time was getting more scarce.

One chilly night after too long away, the group were at Donohue’s - to the surprise of absolutely no-one.

They sat in much the same positions as they had on Halloween: Suki and Aurora across from Sienna and Jackie, and Elijah at the head. He was engrossed in a lengthy story told to him concerning one of his patients’ crazy life.

“…and the bouncers caught her! Right at that moment!”

Jackie exhaled, “I can’t tell if she’s actually just insane or bullshitting you. What was she in hospital for, again?”

“Uh, an ear infection,” Elijah looked sheepish as he said this.

“Hmm,” Jackie mused while everyone else burst out laughing.

“Probably bullshitting you,” grinned Aurora.

Soon enough, the conversation turned to a hottie at the bar.

“Nope, never seen him before, he definitely doesn’t work at the hospital, said Jackie.

“I’m certain! I think he works at the cafeteria,” Sienna said. “Suki! Go and ask him.”

“Why me?”

“Well, you’re so busy all the time I think it would do you good to get dating.”

Suki knew part of the reason Sienna was doing this was because she herself had been out on a date with the cute nurse from before, Danny, and wanted everyone else to be happy too.

“Yeah I’m good, thanks Si.”

“Suki, he _is_ cute. And you _are_ really busy,” added Jackie.

“I’m just not really into dating at the moment.”

“Okay.”

The topic was dropped. Or at least, Suki thought so until Jackie headed to the toilets and Elijah to the bar, leaving Sienna, Aurora, and Suki alone at the booth.

“I don’t understand why you’re not putting yourself out there more,” Sienna said, “I mean you’re single, beautiful, smart, did I mention single?”

Suki laughed. “Sienna, I’m married to the job, I don’t have time for a relationship.”

“I didn’t say you needed a relationship, just… to relax a little…”

“Who says I’m not already sorted?” She tried to cut Sienna off quickly to avoid the subject.

Sienna narrowed her eyes for a moment, then laughed. “You’re not.”

“How would you know!?”

“Because I’ve never seen a single guy sneaking out of your bedroom.”

At that, Suki tried her hardest not to flush like a beetroot, pointedly avoiding Aurora’s sly smirk out of the corner of her eye. Sienna obviously hadn’t cottoned on to the fact that Suki had been ‘working’ a lot of nights.

“Drop it, Sienna. Suki’s obviously just more interested in the hospital,” Aurora said with a cool but knowing smile. Suki gave her a light nod back as thanks.

“Oh, fine. But if you ever need a wingman…”

—-

Since Halloween, Bryce had become a permanent fixture of the group. If it wasn’t Elijah inviting him along, it was Jackie. Gradually Suki became less uncomfortable at his presence, and less worried that they’d be caught out.

So he turned up at the bar a little after the rest of them, once again sinking into the booth beside Suki. The group fell into a comfortable rapport. It felt like they’d all known each-other for years as opposed to the two short months.

As Jackie was diving into a roast of one of the other interns, Bryce edged closer to Suki so that now each part of his side was up against her. He placed a hand on her thigh, and Suki noticed he was wearing those silver rings across his hands again. She tried to make her intake of breath as subtle as possible, but didn’t try to get him to move his hand away, either. In truth, she liked it there. It was hidden under the table, so no one else noticed.

“Suki knows a thing or two about how sexy I am?”

“Huh?” Suki had been momentarily out of the conversation, and the sentence which she was pulled back for was not a relaxing one.

Bryce smirked when he realised he’d got her attention, and squeezed the spot on her thigh. “On day one, when your face met my chest.”

“Oh! Oh, yeah,” she laughed awkwardly, hoping no one noticed how rushed it was.

Aurora noticed Suki’s rush, and explained: “he’s trying to convince us to go to the gym at the hospital. He says it’s how he got, quote, ‘so hot’.”

“Yeah, not gonna happen Lahela.” For the first time in a while Suki turned to look at him, instantly feeling less embarrassed. It was like when she knew other people were there, it was embarrassing, but if it was just him? It wasn’t so bad.

“Your loss.”

“I’m sure.”

“Well, I’m gonna grab a round. Don’t miss me too much,” he winked, mostly at Suki, but to quell suspicion spun his eyes round the whole group, too.

As his figure disappeared towards the bar and the spot on Suki’s thigh started getting cold, she cleared her throat.

“Okay. Are we gonna talk about this insane chemistry between you and Bryce?” Sienna whispered behind her glass opposite Suki, but it wasn’t very sly. Luckily, everyone else was engrossed in their own conversations.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Suki! A blind person could see it. He’s good looking and an amazing surgeon apparently! He’s maybe a bit cocky but…”

“I thought you said you were going to drop this.”

“Right, sorry,” Sienna looked at Suki apologetically, it was probably the alcohol which had made her forget so Suki wasn’t mad. She _was_ confused though. By ‘chemistry’, Sienna obviously meant ‘sexual tension’, but Suki hadn’t thought it was obvious to anyone else.

Bryce eventually returned and the group fell back into their routine. They sat and laughed through various terrible karaoke performances, until Elijah got the guts to go up and do his own. The group got up from their booth to stand closer to the stage area to cheer for him.

Turned out Elijah could sing, and he glided through a smooth rendition of Bonnie Tyler’s _Total Eclipse of The Heart._

When he returned to the group, everyone was congratulating and whooping for him.

“Bryce! You’re up now!” Sienna tapped him on the back enthusiastically as though she was gearing him up for a ring fight. 

“Oh yeah, I’m awesome at karaoke.”

“Suki you go with him!” Encouraged Sienna.

“Si-”

“Enjoy!” She pushed both Suki and Bryce towards the stage with each of her hands.

They bumped into each-other slightly as they were bumbled up the steps.

“S-sorry.”

But Bryce just rested his hand on the small of her back and guided her over to the centre of the stage. He gave her an eyebrow wiggle before stepping over the the jukebox and picking a song.

Then he brandished from his jeans pocket some gaudy pink sunglasses with yellow detailing and stick-out pineapple trees on the sides.

“…Bryce- where the hell did those come from?”

“I always come prepared.” He slipped them on as music began to flood from the jukebox.

_Oh no._ Suki knew this beat.

Bryce handed her a microphone and began to tap his foot energetically, grinning at her.

“ _I got chills, they’re multiplyin’, and I’m looooosin control, ‘cuz the power you’re supplyin’ - it’s electrifying!_ ”

And honestly? His voice wasn’t bad at all. But that didn’t change the fact that Suki was absolutely mortified to be stood up on a stage at a local dive bar singing Grease with her fuck buddy. She wanted to crawl into a very small hole and hibernate for at least a week.

But she couldn’t, because her line was up.

She looked over to Bryce, who was doing some awkward standing dance moves as he sang, all confidence as usual, looking ridiculous in his palm tree sunglasses. But he was looking _at her_.

Well, she presumed so. It was hard to see under the sunglasses.

All the same, the thought calmed her, and she couldn’t help but smile as she sang:

“ _You better shape up, ‘cuz I need a man! And my heart is set on you_.”

Suki was… unfortunately definitely not a singer. She was somewhat in tune, but that was about it. Bryce’s confidence was rubbing off on her, though.

By the time the chorus came around, she was loving every minute of it. This was _not_ the Suki that usually reared her head. Doing embarrassing things in public was something she would ordinarily avoid at all costs. The crowd had slipped away and it was just her and Bryce being ridiculous. They faced each-other as they sang.

“ _You’re the one that I want_!”

They could hear their friends cheering from not far off, egging the whole silly thing on. Then with the next verse, they were back to back, laughing as they sang. At this point Suki was finding the whole thing absolutely hilarious.

They kept singing through the song, frequently drawn back to each other’s eyes for some reason.

“ _I need a man, who can keep me satisfied_ ,” Suki blushed at the implication of the line, trying not to look at Bryce as she sang it. But he was smirking, as she expected.

And then the song was over, and Bryce and Suki were met with… not much reception at all. The only cheers came from their friends, but they didn’t care, as their friends were whooping loud enough.

Bryce pulled Suki into a hug and swung from one foot to the other.

“Nicely done, Santa Fe,” he muttered in her ear, breath hot.

“Yeah, you too.”

They stepped from the stage, letting the next group up to perform, and rejoining their friends. They all congregated around the bar and indulged in another round.

Bryce and Suki unintentionally leaned on the bar beside each-other after they ordered. He looked at her, mulling over his thoughts.

“You’re different than you were.”

“What?” Then, after a second Suki realised what he meant. “Do you mean you remember me from college?”

He just laughed and sipped his drink. _What_? _Why was he so weird whenever she brought it up? Why would he say that if he didn’t want to talk about it?_

And then just as he looked as through he might say something, eyes crinkled with humour and mouth agape, a girl came up behind him. Her arm slid down his shoulder, catching his attention.

“Hey… so you were, like, really good up there.”

Suki wanted to snort, loudly. _That_ was the best she had? He was messing around the whole time and wasn’t even trying. But she didn’t, just kept her eyes on the bar as she waited for their drinks.

“Thanks, I don’t mean to toot my own horn but-“

Seriously? He was _always_ tooting his own horn. For some reason, this was annoying Suki.

The girl giggled and Suki felt her jaw tighten. She turned away to try and shut out the rest of the conversation, silently begging the bartender to slide over a tequila shot stat.

But she couldn’t help but watch as Bryce flirted with her, leaning confidently against the bar and letting the girl rest her hand on his bicep.

_Why the hell do I care? I’m just sleeping with the guy. It’s just the alcohol. And – she’s annoying! It’s got nothing to do with him, she’s just being annoying, right?_

And then after simpering for far too long, the girl slipped away with a wink toward the toilets. Suki swore she heard her say ‘ _come and find me._ ’ Bryce saw Suki trying her hardest not to look at him, and slid across the bar towards her.

“Oh my,” he smirked. “You’re actually jealous.”

“Uh!” Suki scoffed, “jealous of what?”

“Her. Because you want to be the one I’m flirting with.”

“Don’t be so ridiculous. We’re just two people who sleep together, I don’t need you to flirt with me.”

“You like it though.” And with that he lifted one of his fingers on the bar to trace across her own. She didn’t want to admit that she liked the way she could see the tendons move amongst his silver rings.

“Stop,” she laughed dryly, hoping her face wasn’t giving away her embarrassment as it always did. She pulled her hand from his quickly, “I already told you I’m not here to boost your ego, and I am _not_ jealous.”

“Well, if you say so, I’ll go and take her up on her offer.”

So she _had_ told him to go and find her. But Suki didn’t know what to say. She wasn’t jealous, so there was nothing stopping him from going.

Bryce moved to go, and Suki was expecting him to go towards the toilets, but instead he crossed the circle to stand by Jackie.

God, what was she doing? She needed to get out of her head, and the best way to do that recently had been… well, sleeping with Bryce.

So she didn’t really think twice when her feet carried her over to him.

“You’re coming home with me tonight,” she whispered in his ear.

“Oh, am I?”

“Yes.”

“Well you see, I sort of was thinking about going home with her,” he nodded his head over to the girl from before, who was smiling at him from the other side of the bar.

“Sure, if that’s what you want,” she said lowly, “but I know exactly what you like.”

Bryce chuckled under his breath, already knowing he’d say yes.

“You don’t think they’ll notice?” He flicked his eyes to the roommates.

“We’ll figure it out.” As she said this Suki brushed a finger down the back of Bryce’s neck. Lust darkened his eyes and he looked at her from the corner of his eyes.

“Yeah, we’re going to have to figure it out.”

—-

The next day, Suki was walking down the main halls on her way to a quick coffee break when she spotted something going on.

Bryce was pacing by the wall, and a couple of nurses were whispering a little ways away. His hands were frantically threading through his hair and dragging down his face. He paused for a moment, hands locked under his chin.

Suki couldn’t quite work out what was going on. She’d never seen him… frustrated? Before. And what on earth could have him so restless? He was an incredibly easygoing guy and ridiculously sure of himself.

Then he kicked the wall in frustration. A gruff grunt. The turning away afterwards to pace a little more. The flinch from the nearby nurses. The barely there whispered ‘ _fuck’_ that Suki could only just make out.

Suki rushed over to him.

“What are you doing?” She hissed, equal parts confused and concerned.

He seemed to jump ever so slightly at the sudden speech, but he didn’t even look at her as he responded.

“I fucking lost it. I lost the surgery.”

_Oh_. The bed-brag surgery he’d told her about last week. The one he was looking forward to so much, that had made his face swell with joy he couldn’t hide.

Suki could see from her angle his jaw was clenched tightly as though he was biting down on something hard to chew. She looked around the hall – people were staring.

“Hey-” She reached out and grabbed at a bunch of his shirt, pulling him through double doors down to a corridor nearby. It was thankfully empty.

“What?” Bryce asked, looking down the corridor.

“Everyone was looking, I assumed you’d want some privacy.”

“I don’t give a shit,” he growled. Suki was a little taken aback, but she continued anyway.

“What happened?”

“Doesn’t matter.” he snapped.

“I just wanna help, Bryce.”

Bryce then was surprised at her use of his name. It felt intimate, _knowing_. Sure she’d said it before, but it felt different.

“Yeah well this isn’t your business. We’re only-”

“Okay. Fine,” she cut him off, not needing to hear the rest of his sentence. If he didn’t want the help, there was nothing she could do.

“I- I’m sorry I’m just-“ he seemed to melt ever so slightly, the red dissipating and his eyes now looking into hers, realising he shouldn’t be taking this out on her.

“I know,” she said straightforwardly.

An unspoken understanding passed between the two.

Bryce sighed. “Apparently someone told Dr. Emery that I’m irresponsible.”

“What? On what grounds?”

He let out a dry laugh, shaking his head bitterly. “I don’t know. They’re already jealous of me for getting the surgery in the first place and apparently going out for karaoke the night before your first surgery is enough to be told you’re not taking this seriously.”

“Seriously? But I left yours before midnight? You slept well and barely even drank?”

He just shrugged, clearly aware that if he said much more he might get mad again.

“I’m sorry. Really. I know you were looking forward to that,” Suki said soberly.

He tried not to furrow his brow too hard as she looked up at him.

There was this awful nagging that part of this was her fault. Maybe if she hadn’t been so overcome with frustration at that girl and gone home with Bryce, this wouldn’t have happened. But then, it did seem an overreaction to take away a surgery from someone over _karaoke_. There must be more to the story. But Suki didn’t want to push, Bryce didn’t seem in the sharing mood.

Without even looking around, Bryce placed a hand on the wall and leaned in to kiss her.

“Bryce! Not here.” She backed away.

“Shit. Yeah.” He pushed off the wall and ran a hand down his worn face. “I just need to get over it.”

“You’re allowed to be annoyed about it!”

“Yeah, um, right,” he seemed… embarrassed? Was he annoyed that she hadn’t kissed him?

This wasn’t the guy she’d been sleeping with for the past couple of months; or the popular, happy-go-lucky college student she’d met all those years ago. It definitely wasn’t the guy who’d pretended to be Danny Zuko the night before. He was clearly pretty upset by this. _Obviously, he puts so much pressure on himself,_ she thought.

“You wait here, ok? I’ll be right back,” she said sternly, before heading back through the double doors. A cold glass of water would be a good wake up call. Sure, it made sense that he’d turn to sex in his frustration, but he knew their rules. He knew they weren’t to hook up at work and Suki was wondering why he’d even tried. And then what his response had been about. That whole interaction was still reeling in Suki’s head as she reached the water dispenser.

But when Suki returned to the corridor, Bryce had disappeared.


	7. A Simple Favour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As they move through November, Suki & Bryce’s relationship develops.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Try A Little Tenderness - Otis Redding

Suki stood in the corridor, glass of water in hand, utterly confused. _Where the hell did Bryce go?_ She walked the length of the hall to be sure she wasn’t just being dim, but he was no where to be seen. Had he been really that annoyed that she wouldn’t kiss him despite their rules? Or, maybe Suki was being too self-centred. The likelihood was that Bryce had to run off for some work thing – it _was_ the middle of the day after all.

She continued on with her work day, but her mind kept flicking back to her strange morning. Especially when she’d seen Bryce only hours before back at his place and he’d been completely normal. They’d had a great time as usual, and there wasn’t anything out of the ordinary. He’d even told her to leave early because he wanted a good sleep for his surgery. Of course she knew why he was different, but it was still strange to see. He’d been so psyched for the surgery to the point he’d even told his fuck buddy about it. Particularly when the story didn’t seem to add up and he was keeping pretty shtum about it all.

Suki just couldn’t help it – she was nosy.

—-

It wasn’t until about a week and a half later that Suki finally saw Bryce, or interacted at all with him. He’d texted a rather blunt ‘👃’ to which she’d read off and headed over to his apartment.

Almost as soon as Bryce opened the door to her his lips were on hers, not even giving her time for a greeting. He seemed on a mission. It was forceful, intentioned. Bryce heaved her up so that her legs wrapped around his waist with ease. Suki was surprised, but didn’t let on.

Pleasantries abandoned, they stumbled to the bedroom as one, continuing to kiss and touch their way out of most of their clothes – which were now strewn in a trail from the front door to Bryce’s bed. 

He threw her down on to the mattress as though she was a pillow. Once Bryce had Suki’s hands pinned either side of her on the bed and was giving all his attention to her neck; she decided to ask him. It did seem to have affected how he was that night, after all.

“How are you feeling? You know about the surgery?”

“Fine,” he muttered through a tirade of kisses to Suki’s neck, much more focused on that than the conversation.

“So, like, the other day… where did you disappear to?”

He sighed and removed his lips from her neck, not lifting his face to meet hers, but muttered into the crook of her neck:

“It doesn’t matter right now.” He smoothed his hands down her bare stomach.

“Okay…” she threaded her fingers through his hair as he started moving again. But she couldn’t just drop it. He’d been _so weird_ and then left without a word? He was being weird then. Her curiosity was getting the better of her.

“Have you spoken to Dr. Emery since?”

Bryce let out what sounded like a half-grunt, half-sigh, and rolled away from her, staring at the ceiling.

“Can we just- not talk about it? Please?”

“Yeah.”

“Good.” He laid there for a few seconds, seeming to compose himself. Then he turned so that he was on his side, “come here.”

So, it didn’t seem Suki was getting a confession out of him any time soon. He wasn’t his usual cocky, playful self that day, but rather blunt and straightforward, and _really_ focused. 

And sure, Suki was only there for sex – it wasn’t like she was his therapist or anything – but she was still a little peeved off that her attempts to help him had been brushed off to the point where he just _left_ her. But, she supposed it wasn’t her business, and she should stop being so nosy.

She relented and leaned into him, letting his kisses absolve her of thought.

Which – although unknown to Suki – was exactly what Bryce was doing, too.

—-

But the next time she saw him – in a group setting at their apartment – he was back to his usual self. He was absolutely giving her whiplash, and Suki wasn’t sure how she felt about it.

They all lounged around in the living area, TV playing in the background. It was their first day off in what felt like far too long. Bryce was bickering with Jackie over something trivial while Suki lay beside him with her head on Aurora’s shoulder, the weeks’ work catching up with her. Elijah and Sienna were watching funny videos on Sienna’s phone.

“Nope. Absolutely not,” Jackie said. “Tomato Ketchup belongs in the cupboard.”

“You have to be crazy! It goes in the fridge, it even says so on the bottle!”

“But why would you want cold ketchup with hot fries?”

“Because of the temperature sensation!”

Suki sighed, zoning out of the ridiculous bickering, but smiling to herself all the same. Aurora was breathing quietly, relaxing Suki’s heartbeat.

After a little while, the conversation seemed to have changed to Donohue’s the other week.

“Oh come on, you brought your own shades!”

“I know, it’s because I’m just that cool.”

“Pfft,” Jackie snorted.

“I wish someone had caught that on film, we were epic,” Bryce grinned.

“Oh, of course I filmed it!” Sienna interrupted, her attention pulled away from the video she was showing Elijah.

“Really?”

“Here-“ Sienna handed him the phone, and Suki could hear the muffled recording of her and Bryce at karaoke. 

Truthfully, she’d already watched it a fair few times. Just to check she didn’t do anything embarrassing. But she had found herself picking at every little thing she’d done. And marvelling over how effortless and comfortable Bryce had looked. Watching the way he moved and grinned as he sang, looking silly but like you’re laughing with him, not at him. The way they’d bounced off each other up there. 

She could hear the laughed ‘you’re the one that I want’, and lifted her head from Aurora’s shoulder to look over for Bryce’s reaction. He seemed a lot closer now that her head was straight. Bryce was smiling, corners of his eyes crinkled and the ghost of a dimple on his right cheek. The song came to an end and Suki could hear Sienna’s screaming in the phone at quite the volume.

“Send me this, Si?” He asked.

“Yeah! I’ll airdrop it right now,” she grinned, taking back her phone and getting to it.

“Why would you want video evidence of you looking and sounding like _that_?” Teased Jackie.

“I obviously want it so I can admire Suki’s amazing karaoke.”

“You heard me right? I can’t sing for the life of me,” Suki scoffed.

Bryce just winked, pulling out his own phone to save the video.

“I actually love when people film me doing random shit,” she smiled, “it’s like I get to take a peek at myself through someone else’s eyes. Who I am when I’m not performing for the mirror or my own camera, you know?” She said it more to herself than anyone else.

“Yeah. I know completely,” Bryce smiled back, his shoulder almost grazing hers. There was a moment they just looked at each other in complete understanding.

“Ugh. I hate when people film me,” Jackie groaned, breaking their reverie.

Bryce broke his gaze with Suki and laughed at Jackie, setting off another silly bickering fest between them.

Suki felt so insanely comfortable with everyone there at that point that she couldn’t believe she’d ever felt awkward about it.

—-

“Yeah, so, I’ll see you guys later,” Bryce smiled on his way out. Everyone was getting ready for bed. 

“Yep! See you dumbass,” said Jackie affectionally as she patted him on the back.

Everyone said their goodbyes, and Bryce slipped out of the door. One by one they all retreated to their own rooms, saying goodnight to one another. Once she was sure they were all gone, Suki snuck back over to the door, and opened it up to a grinning Bryce leaning on the wall.

She put her finger to his lips, earning a humoured nod. Bryce stepped inside and Suki shut the door as quietly as she could and the two tip-toed over to her bedroom. He’d given her the signal earlier, and she’d texted this plan. After all, they really didn’t need everyone on their backs about it. She didn’t ask about the surgery again. 

—-

Towards the end of November, Suki was just returning from picking up a few bits from the convenience store and moving back from the chill air into the warm hall of their apartment building. She was prepped with chips and candy for her first day off in ages.

As she climbed the flights of stairs (she wanted to keep fit so avoided the elevator), she could hear voices coming from her floor. An exhausted looking mother who Suki recognised as Gia, the woman across the hall from them, was holding her son’s hand and seemed restless on the phone. She smiled warmly as she saw Suki, although they hadn’t interacted much they’d become friendly. 

“No, like right now,” she said into the phone. She scrunched up her face at whatever the receiving end said to her. The little boy, Tommy, pulled on her sleeve. 

Suki came closer and placed her bag down. Then she crouched and placed a finger to her lips, beckoning Tommy over to her. 

“Hi!” She whispered when Tommy approached. He was about 3, so his conversation wasn’t that wide yet. He just smiled at her, deep dimples and curls on his head. So cute! 

They messed around a little before Gia hung up, and looked even more stressed than she had before.

“You okay?” Suki asked.

Gia appeared to think for a moment on whether she’d share with Suki.

“No. Work needs me and honestly, I need the hours. I can’t take him to work, he’s too young and he’ll just run around the store and I can’t keep an eye on him. But Tommy’s dad is busy and I can’t find a sitter…” she pinched the bridge of her nose.

“I’ll watch him. If you’re okay with that, of course, I’d be more than happy to help.”

“Really? You honestly wouldn’t mind?”

“Hey, I’m happy to look after him a little while.”

“Oh Suki! You’re a lifesaver.”

Gia scrambled out many more thanks’, told Suki she’d be gone for about four hours ( _are you sure it’s okay? Really, no pressure_ ) rushed out her number to Suki so she could check up on them once Suki assured her for the umpteenth time that she didn’t mind, and hurried down the stairs. 

For the first hour or so, Suki and Tommy were having a great time. They played peek-a-boo, Suki drew some animals for him to colour in, and even made a little fort on the sofa.

Eventually, Suki needed the bathroom. She was a little apprehensive to leave Tommy even for only two minutes, but it had to be done. So she went as quick as she could and then they continued on with their play. Suki even supplied a snack of banana and peanut butter toast.

What must have been a half hour after Suki went to the toilet, the doorbell rang.

“Ding dong!” Imitated Tommy.

“Yes! Now you sit on the couch while I check who it is.”

Tommy jumped on the sofa and crossed his legs exaggeratedly, wanting to impress her. She gave him an encouraging thumbs up.

As Suki put her hand to the doorknob she was struck with a little confusion, had someone forgotten something they needed for work?

Opening the door however, revealed otherwise. Bryce was stood in the doorway once more, leaning casually on the frame. 

“Hey hot stuff.”

“Bryce! What the f- uhh heck are you doing?”

Bryce looked confused when Suki seemed to not expect him, or go in for a kiss. And he was more confused when she opened the door wider to reveal Tommy behind her.

“Um… you… you sent me the nose,” he whispered behind a hand. 

“I- what?” She asked, shocked. Her eyes fell on the shape on the sofa. “Sh- It must’ve been the kid.”

“Ah.” Bryce pulled his lips into his mouth like he was about to laugh. Suki beckoned Bryce in and shut the door so that Tommy couldn’t escape. She crossed over to the sofa and picked up her phone. Sure enough, her last sent texts were way too many nose emojis.

 **Santa Fe** : 👃👃👃👃👃

 **Scalpel Jockey** : i’ll be at yours ASAP?

 **Santa Fe** : 👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃👃(£&&£?

 **Scalpel Jockey** : lol hold ur horses

He must’ve struck when she’d gone to the bathroom, and she had forgotten to lock her phone. She wondered how Tommy had gotten ahold of her text messages and the nose emoji in particular, but of course…

“God it’s- it’s in my recents,” she blushed. 

Bryce gave her a shit-eating grin. “ _Yeah_ it is.”

She wanted to hit him, but it probably wouldn’t be good manners in front of a child so she just gave him a death glare.

“Who’s this?” Tommy asked, still sitting nicely on the sofa.

“This is my… this is Bryce!”

“Hey little guy.” Bryce crouched down in front of him and shook his hand gently. Tommy seemed very pleased at this.

“So… what’s the deal?” Bryce asked Suki in a hushed tone as he settled in next to Tommy on the couch. She told him the story.

“Everyone’s at work,” she finished, “my plans were originally chips, candy and Netflix but, I think they changed for the better, right, Tommy?” She grinned at the little guy, earning a giggle from him.

“Uh so you had the day off and the place to yourself and you weren’t even going to invite me over?” Bryce mocked offence.

“Yep. My life doesn’t revolve around your d- uhh nose.”

Bryce howled a laugh, enough to make Tommy join in. 

It took him a while to recover, at which point he just tapped the side of his nose like they’d shared a secret, but of course, the secret was his no- uhh dick.

“So, uh, sorry you came all the way here but, as you can see, I’m a little busy.”

Bryce nodded, still grinning from the laughing. “Eh, whatever. I had a nice walk over here. And I think that nose quip made it worth it.”

And then, in yet another divine intervention, just as she was about to usher Bryce out Suki’s pager beeped.

“Can this day get any more hectic...” she muttered, more to herself than to Bryce as she stood from the sofa and patted herself down to find her pager. She began rushing around to grab her coat. “I’m going to have to take him with me or- or… or something.” She was bustling around the apartment at speed, frantically collecting her things.

Bryce cleared his throat, causing Suki to look at him as though she’d momentarily forgotten he was there.

“I’ll watch him.”

“What?”

“The kid, I’ll watch him while you’re at work.”

“Bryce he’s not even mine, I don’t know if Gia would be comfortable with this. I can’t ask you to do that.”

“Obviously he’s not yours, I think I would’ve known by now. I’ve met Gia, she loves me. Right, Tommy? Your mommy thinks I’m so cool.”

“When?! Actually, don’t answer that,” Suki said, realising he must’ve met her from one of the many times he’d been round. “Call her for me.” Suki threw her phone at Bryce, who caught it expertly, before she rushed to her bedroom to freshen up a little. 

She splashed water on her face and made sure she had everything she needed before hurrying back to the living area. 

“She’s okay with it. Something about Doctors being trustworthy.” Bryce smirked form the sofa, where he had Tommy on his knees and was swaying him from side to side as though playing aeroplane. 

Suki raised an eyebrow, _some_ Doctors were trustworthy. “Are you sure? I don’t know how long I’ll be.”

“I’m sure, now go.”

He gave her a confident smile as she closed the door behind her.

—-

The page was because one of Suki’s patients was becoming critical, and all hands on deck were needed. There wasn’t a lot she could do once she was there except help to stabilise him, make him comfortable, and wait to see if he improved. It was physically and emotionally taxing but soon enough she was headed back home, and was honestly looking forward to seeing that sweet little kid and Bryce being an idiot as usual.

When Suki snuck into the apartment, there was no noise. She looked over to see Bryce asleep on the sofa, a snoring Tommy in his arms. He looked so at peace, so gentle, his eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks and his lips slightly parted. Given most situations she’d been looking at his lips, this was an odd contrast. But it suited him. God, she hadn’t forgotten, but it was certainly a reminder of just how _pretty_ he was. His strong arms looked delicate as they lay protectively around Tommy’s small figure. Tommy was curled into his chest like a little koala.

Seeing that, all her anxieties were quelled for a moment. It was like a ‘ _hey, there’s still good in the world_ ’ nudge. Odd that that good was from Bryce but, also not so odd. He had managed to talk her down after she’d had that difficult day, after all.

Suki moved over to the sofa quietly and perched on the coffee table. She just sat, looking, for a moment. Finally Bryce wasn’t running his mouth off about something. His quiet breaths were masked by Tommy’s purr-like snores, but she could just about hear them, like a live, ASMR metronome. She found herself breathing in sync with him.

Eventually she reached out a hand to gently shake Bryce’s shoulder.

“Hey,” she said softly.

Bryce’s eyes blinked open slowly, confusion shifting to a bemusing sort of tenderness as soon as they spotted Suki. Suddenly he didn’t seem worried about where he was.

“Hey,” he whispered, voice slightly croaky. Careful not to move too much for Tommy’s sake, Bryce brought a hand up to clear the sleep from his eyes. He watched Suki, noticing she looked significantly more worn than she had before she’d left.

They sat like that for a while, mostly silence to let Tommy continue resting, but it felt okay. Suki ‘ _life embarrasses me_ ’ Moore felt completely fine sitting in silence, somehow. Maybe it was the fact that she herself was getting sleepy and her eyes kept closing until she remembered she was sat on a coffee table and couldn’t sleep there. Maybe it was left over sensitivity from today’s chapter of _Existentialism: Doctor’s Edition_. Maybe she just wasn’t worried about what other people thought because the only other people were a sleeping toddler and someone who she was simply sleeping with. _Maybe._

Not so long after Suki returned there was a knock at the door, revealing Gia.

“Hi! I’m so sorry I took so long, I don’t know how I’ll ever thank you both for looking after him. Hey, little guy!” She greeted Tommy as scooped him up in her arms as he waddled over to her.

“It’s okay. It was all Bryce, really.”

“He’s a pleasure. You had him a while before I popped in though - I can’t take all the credit,” Bryce grinned, all charm.

“Well, _both_ of you. Be sure to cash in a favour whenever you need one.”

And with that Gia and Tommy left, all thankful smiles.

“So…” Bryce turned to Suki, eyebrows raised in humour. Then he flicked a thumb in the direction of her bedroom. She pulled up one side of her mouth in a smile, reached down to grab one of his hands and pulled him into her bedroom.

—-

After the fact, and way later than either of them expected, the duo were beginning to get a little sleepy. The clock on Suki’s bedside table read 01:14am. Bryce sat up in the bed, rubbing his eyes and looking for his clothes. He noticed Suki looking a little distant.

“Was I that bad?”

She laughed gently, no real humour behind it. “I would’ve kicked you out if you were bad.”

“What’s wrong?” The concern laced in his voice brought Suki back to that time he’d found her in the supply closet, and she knew at that moment she could tell him.

“My patient, the one I was paged for, he’s not doing so well. It’s part of the job and all but, it still hurts every time.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. You’ll do your best, I know you will.”

“Thanks.”

There was a moment where Bryce hesitated, considering giving her a comforting pat but decided against it. He continued looking around for his clothes, but was clearly very tired and moving slow where he sat up in the bed. Suki sighed. _I’m so going to regret this. Oh well_.

“It’s late, stay. Just make sure you’re gone by the time I wake up.”

“What about your roommates?”

“You’ll just have to be more careful this time.”

“If you’re sure.”

Suki just nodded. She turned away to face the wall, shutting her eyes and waiting for sleep.

“Thank you,” she heard Bryce mutter behind her. Really it was him she should be thanking, for looking after Tommy, but she was afraid to breach the silence again. 

Moreover, she was doing it for herself more than for his sake. She wasn’t sure she wanted to be alone as she entered unconsciousness that night.

Soon enough Suki drifted off into a peaceful and primarily uninterrupted sleep.

Because she definitely hadn’t awoken when she felt Bryce stir beside her. He seemed to sit up and stay there a while. But not wanting to give herself away, Suki stayed stock still. And then it felt like his lips brushed her shoulder, and his hand brushed her hair, but the next thing she knew she was falling back into unconsciousness, so maybe it was a dream…

—-

When Suki awoke Bryce was gone, as he said he would be. The spot on the bed beside her was cold. Stretching out her muscles, Suki realised she’d slept much sounder than she’d anticipated after the rush into the hospital. She didn’t want to attribute that to Bryce’s presence, but perhaps just knowing someone was there was all she needed. 

Feeling energised for the day Suki slipped out of bed and began to bustle about her morning routine: a quick shower, minimal face care, a large mug of coffee with oat milk (it added a nice sweetness without the need for sugar), brushing her teeth, picking something warm and cosy to wear in, and then rushing out to hop on the T.

When she finally reached Edenbrook Suki was in high spirits, bouncing along to the changing rooms. She actually felt hopeful about her patient, too. Perhaps a good nights sleep was all she needed to treat him properly, and all he needed to recover.

Getting a little ahead of herself, it wasn’t until a few moments passed that Suki realised she was standing outside of the changing rooms, hand hovering over the doorknob. She could hear voices.

“Nah, I’m just feeling good is all,” the first voice said. Of course, the voice was very familiar to Suki as it was Bryce’s voice.

“Oh yeah? Got some cool medical stuff going on?” The second voice joked.

“Pfft. Not after the surgery disaster.” Hm. Okay. Suki couldn’t help but feel a little miffed that Bryce was talking about the surgery with whoever this was, but that he hadn’t shared with her. Again, she felt bad for feeling that way since she wasn’t in a position to earn the information, but all the same – it felt a bit shitty.

She realised then that she’d subconsciously decided to eavesdrop on this conversation, but she wasn’t quite sure why. It wasn’t like they would stop if she walked in.

The second voice laughed, and there was a clang of a locker. “Okay, so you’re just in a good mood for no particular reason?”

“That’s right.” 

Then there was a scuffle and a couple of grunts, like someone had rushed the other.

“Oooh! You’re sleeping with someone!” The second voice exclaimed, obviously having found some information.

It was at this point Suki _knew_ she shouldn’t have kept listening. But, she did.

“Give it back.”

“You are, right?”

“Maybe,” he said. Although Suki couldn’t see him, she could hear his bragging smile. There was a pause, and Suki wished she could see the expressions on their faces to gauge what was going on. Or even see what on earth the second voice had found.

“You like her.”

There was a poignant pause.

“I like her body.”

_Oh._

Suki stepped away abruptly, she didn’t need to hear anymore. For some reason hearing that brought on a stabbing pain in her chest and a flip in her stomach. Perhaps it was that the last couple of weeks had been so easy and comfortable between them had made Suki forget that he wasn’t obliged to be her friend. Or even was her friend. Obviously the only thing he was interested in was her body, and she was stupid to think otherwise. She should’ve never let herself feel safe when their arrangement had been so clear: _keep it casual._


	8. Whiplash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bryce’s words are all Suki can think about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Waking Up Slow (Piano Version) - Gabrielle Aplin

So there Suki was again. Rushing down the hospital corridors in an attempt to out power-walk her thoughts. Step-step-step-step- _I like her body_ -STEP-STEP. Suddenly the day didn’t feel so hopeful. And she found herself questioning why this was bugging her so much; but even more so, why she suddenly wanted to avoid Bryce at all costs. She didn’t want to look into his eyes and think about his face as he said those words. Those dark, enigmatic mahogany eyes, probably smirking knowingly. But she definitely didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing that an offhand comment like that had affected her. Not after all the lengths she’d gone to to assure Bryce she was unaffected by things like this, at least where he was concerned.

This was what she signed up for – she knew that. But _still_. When the only nice thing he could say about her to someone else was about her body - how it looked, what it did – well, it wasn’t exactly a confidence boost in terms of who she was as a person. And she’d thought after the fact they’d all been hanging around together as a group so much that they all gelled well and were friendly. And yeah, the other person had been teasing Bryce about having a crush on her, which he obviously _didn’t_ , and she didn’t _want_ him to, but he still could’ve replied saying she was a cool girl or something. 

Luckily for Suki, they barely ran in the same circles at work so avoiding him was fairly easy. She only saw him in the halls a few times, and would focus her eyes on whatever chart or equipment she was holding. Every time she caught a glimpse or thought about Bryce (much more often than she cared to admit), Suki felt uncomfortable and upset. And then silly for feeling as such.

For two weeks she’d managed to ignore his texts, and the group hadn’t had time to meet, either. Part of her wanted to cave a few times, but Bryce had given up after the third nose went unanswered, clearly getting the hint. He hadn’t texted anything other than that.

Finally, she felt like she couldn’t avoid it any longer. It was consuming her thoughts too much to not do something about it. She’d just have to get over herself and either suck it up and accept she was just a warm body to Bryce, or break it off for her own sanity. So that was the plan as she texted Bryce mid-December. Which way she was erring towards… she’d figure out when the time came. Either way, she wasn’t planning on making it easy for Bryce, because whether she had the right to be or not – Suki was _pissed_.

Unfortunately for her, Suki was also soft and awkward and indecisive and far too forgiving. But she was going to try her best. 

**Santa Fe** : 👃be here in 15.

 **Scalpel Jockey** : yes ma’am 😳

When Bryce arrived he texted to let her know, since knocking would only make someone else answer the door. Suki waited until she couldn’t hear anyone in the living room and snuck over to let Bryce in. The door opened to his habitually grinning face, but Suki didn’t return the favour, instead just setting off to her bedroom and waiting for Bryce to follow. 

Once Bryce had shut the bedroom door behind him and could be sure no one else would hear, he finally greeted her:

“Hey, it’s been a while…”

Well, maybe by their standards.

But Suki was already unbuttoning her blouse and shimmying her trousers down her legs. Bryce laughed, she was simply looking stoically at him as she unclothed and she hadn’t even said a word to him yet. But okay. If that was the plan.

Bryce stripped down to his underwear and perched at the head of the bed, uncertain and waiting for Suki to make the first move.

“So,” she stood at the foot of the bed in her lacy black underwear, hands curling around her waist, “do you like how I look today? How _my body_ looks right now?”

But Bryce didn’t notice the hint, he was too enraptured by how good she looked. And by how sexy her forwardness was; first that text, then the jumping straight in. It was certainly something and Suki could tell Bryce liked it.

“Yes, I definitely do.” He crawled down the bed to her, pulling her in between his legs. That smug grin was all over his face, all through his eyes as they raked up and down Suki’s body. All in that tongue which stuck out to moisten his lips. _God. That’s gotta be exactly what he looked like when he said he liked my body._

And she was pissed again, seething for god knows why, so she turned her head to the side when he moved to kiss her. 

“Oh?” Bryce questioned just before he would’ve collided with her cheek. 

“Actually, I’m kind of tired right now.”

“Uh, yeah, okay.” He dropped his hands from her waist and let her step back a bit. “You do realise _you_ texted _me_ , right?” He laughed a bit, trying to bring his usual easiness to the conversation. He was sitting at the end of the bed, legs spread and leaning back on his hands. It was proving incredibly difficult for Suki not to admire his physique, his pose, his ambience. And uh, something very obvious right in the centre of her view.

Damn it. Why did he have to be so understanding? She wanted to piss him off. She wanted him to push back a bit. Actually, she wanted to shout at him and ask him why he wasn’t fighting her on this, why he wasn’t being the asshole she had assumed him to be when she’d eavesdropped. She just wanted some strong emotion to spark, to be able to stoke the flames. Because right now it was like the chemicals in her brain had abandoned all logic or sense and the plethora of emotions whirling inside it were _confusing_.

But, that wasn’t the sensible thing to do.

“Yeah, I changed my mind.”

“That’s okay. I’ll just head out,” he gave her an understanding smile – _for fucks sake_ – and stood from the bed.

She stayed where she was, crossing her arms over her chest this time and watching as Bryce dressed. 

He gave her that smile again as he pulled his jeans on, but there was a slight crinkle to his brow as though he were concerned. He looked like he was biting his lip from something to say.

Suki felt bad, now. He’d been there maybe five minutes and she was already sending him home because he hadn’t even reacted in the way she’d wanted.

_God Suki, grow up. You’re a twenty-seven year old doctor who is having a tantrum because her fuck buddy doesn’t vibe with her? It’s laughable. Definitely not where I thought I’d be four months ago._

He let out a concealed puzzled exhale as he looked back at Suki, and checking the coast was clear slipped out of her bedroom with a ‘ _I’ll see you soon?_ ’. She didn’t see him out.

So Bryce left – even fewer words spoken between them, and Suki slumped back into bed with a long, dramatic sigh.

—-

A few days later, Suki was just coming back from delivering some good news to a patient, and was wandering down corridors. As she looked up to be sure she wouldn’t walk into anyone, Suki saw Bryce at the other end of the corridor, passing over a lady in a wheelchair to a doctor. Technically, she’d still been avoiding him for around two weeks since their last meeting barely happened. She felt the heat in her cheeks and immediately swivelled on a heel to go in the other direction. 

But it was too late, moments later she was confronted by the very thing she’d been avoiding.

“Suki!” Bryce called from behind her. Immediately Suki felt herself freezing up at just the sound of his voice. But they were in public – sort-of – so she couldn’t ignore him this time.

“Hey,” she didn’t quite meet Bryce’s eyes as she turned to him.

“Are you doing okay?”

_Like you care._

“Yeah, fine,” she shot out ice cold.

Bryce crinkled his brow in that same way he had before, and Suki had to scream at that little voice in her head which told her it was cute.

“Have you been avoiding me?”

Yes, yes she had. Pretty definitely.

“So what if I have?”

“I mean. Why?”

“I’m just not in the mood to see you.”

“Did I- did I do something? The other night you seemed… I don’t know. Please tell me if I upset you.” 

He looked so concerned that she melted on the spot and the edge in her voice immediately disappeared.

“Look, I just- I realised it’s weird because we share a friend group but we’re not even friends.”

“We’re friends.”

She furrowed her brow, his words from before running through her head. “We are? Since when?”

“Somewhere between the list making and spending so much time as a group - I don’t know, but I like to think we are.”

Hearing him say that had made Suki pretty much forget what she’d overheard. Maybe he _had_ been worried about her. Maybe she was overreacting and assuming or maybe she should just let herself go with the flow. After all, he’d never, ever, been cruel to her. So yeah, Suki liked that Bryce said they were friends. Agreed with him.

In fact, her heart fluttered a little at him recognising her as more than just a body. 

“Upgraded from Fuck Buddy to Friend With Benefits – I like it.”

“Me too,” Bryce grinned and brought a hand up for a high five. Suki obliged. She wanted to leave her hand there, feel his beneath it, but she couldn’t. “So, we’re cool?”

And then she knew she couldn’t leave this conversation without some answers. Even if it made her look like a gigantic idiot.

She hesitated. But it was better to be upfront. And it would keep bugging her if she didn’t get the truth. Hard-ass Suki was now tucked away in a cupboard and the usual awkward, nosy, bumbling Suki was back in her place.

“There is… one thing.”

“What’s that?”

“I _swear_ I didn’t mean to but the other week I was coming in and I heard you talking with someone else and you told them that you only like me because of my body and like that’s fine of course you’re not obliged to like me as a person but since now you’re saying we’re friends I don’t know I just wanted to like ask you since it would be weird to be friends with someone you only care about having sex with and–“

“Breathe!” Bryce cut her off with a laugh. Suki inhaled a big breath - she had a tendency to ramble when she was nervous. 

“Look,” he gave her a comforting smile, “that was Ben, another surgical intern. He’s a _dick_. I’m not going to go round telling him anything about myself if I can help it. But I _suck_ at lying so it had to be at least somewhat truthful.”

“Oh. Right. Yeah. That makes sense,” she nodded like a car accessory. So obviously he’d known about the surgery too, since they were in the same field. She felt stupid for jumping to conclusions.

“You’re my friend,” he reassured.

She let out a heavy exhale and a gentle laugh, _wow_ she’d been silly. “Cool.”

“So that’s why you’ve been avoiding me, you were hurt?”

But she didn’t answer him. She didn’t need to let him know she’d been overthinking the entire thing. So she simply stepped back from him and as she moved to leave said:

“Come over after work.” 

And with that Suki flounced off down the corridor to her next patient.

But she didn’t hear Bryce as she retreated, muttering: “I’m so sorry I hurt you.”

—-

Clambering up the last of the stairs to her apartment floor, Suki spotted Gia and Tommy on their way towards the stairs.

“Hey! You two doing okay?”

“Yes! Tommy’s missed you two.”

“Aw, Tommy! We miss you too!”

“When can I see Byce?” Tommy asked the two women, not quite having worked his way around ‘r’ sounds yet.

“I’m not sure hun! He’s very busy,” Suki smiled, it was nice to see Bryce had made such an impression.

“You’ve got a good man there, Suki,” Gia said.

“Oh he’s not- um- we’re not.”

“Ha, okay love. We should be off now, anyway.” She pulled Tommy up onto her hip and began to make her way toward the elevator before turning and saying softly with Tommy’s ears obstructed by her hand and chest, “he looks at you like… like I wish Tommy’s father looked at me.”

Suki’s breath hitched as the elevator doors shut on Gia’s bittersweet expression and left her alone in the corridor.

She didn’t realise until she heard the elevator coming back up to their floor that she’d been standing there for a while. Thinking about everything yet nothing.

As though in a daze, Suki floated over to the apartment and let herself in. 

It had to be a desire thing right? Bryce looked at Suki like he wanted to push her against a wall at any moment – she knew that. Maybe Gia and her partner didn’t have that anymore if they ever did. That’s gotta be what she meant. In any case, she’d only seen them together very briefly when she’d picked Tommy up, so her opinion wasn’t based on much evidence. Or so Suki thought.

Before Suki even knew it – too consumed by overanalysing that one sentence – she got the text to let her know Bryce was there.

—-

Suki and Bryce laid on either side of the bed post coitus as he was telling her about a surgery he watched. There was still no mention of his assisting, but, Suki figured she’d work it out eventually.

“No way that happened. Patients don’t just ask for surgeons because they think they’re hot.”

“Oh yeah? Then how come it did happen?”

“I call bullshit.”

“You gonna try and tell me I’m not the hottest surgeon at Edenbrook?”

“I dunno… Dr Tanaka…” Suki sucked in a breath through her teeth.

Bryce looked mock offended then said: “I can’t blame you. He’s a very sexy man.”

He scooted over from his side of the bed and hovered over her, taking her jaw in his large, precise hand. He leaned down to kiss her, Suki immediately giving in and roaming her hands across the muscles on his back and shoulders. Basking in the fresh mint of his lips, the smell of his familiar cologne and a faint hint of cinnamon permeating all of Suki’s senses, she felt a little lost. 

“But I think it’s safe to say this speaks for itself in terms of your preferences,” he whispered into her lips.

“Have you been baking?”

“Hm?”

“You smell like cinnamon. You usually smell more citrus-y, freshly washed towels – or is this holiday edition Lahela?”

Suki didn’t even realise she was thinking out loud until it popped out. That citrus-y, freshly washed towel scent and the peppermint on his lips was incredibly familiar to Suki. She’d thought about them in moments she probably shouldn’t have been thinking about them. She associated them with sex, of course, but also a warmth and an easy comfort. His cologne was gorgeous, it smelled expensive and perfectly balanced, mixing with the pH of his skin artfully. But there was something extra special about that underlying natural aroma. Less sexy, more familiar. _Homely?_

But it made her feel slightly uncomfortable in the pit of her stomach that she remembered these details so vividly, that she focused so specifically on them; even more so that she’d spoken them out loud. 

“Well, I do roll around in my clean orange-scented towels just before I see you _purely_ so that you can smell it under my expensive cologne,” he mocked.

She swatted him playfully as he began to kiss down her neck, pinching the skin with his teeth. It was just enough to be a perfectly balanced mix of pleasure and pain.

“What does Dr. Tanaka smell like?” She teased.

“Cigarettes and B.O.,” he muffled into her collarbone. 

Suki’s laugh tinkled around her bedroom like chimes. “Now I _know_ he smells sexy.” 

“He’s not the one whose scent you seem to have memorised so I’m okay with that.”

“Hey! We see each other in close quarters, I’d be a bit worried if you _didn’t_ know what I smelt like.”

“Moon lilies and cotton. Also antiseptic and that coconut hand sanitiser you use.”

Suki laughed again, as Bryce tried to hide the shock in his eyes that he’d actually just said that. But then he just grinned cockily like that was the intention.

“Well I’m glad it’s not cigarettes and B.O.”

“But to answer your question: No, I don’t bake, or cook, at all.”

“Seriously?! What do you eat?”

“Takeout, whatever’s in the hospital cafeteria, ramen.”

Suki just looked at him with horror. “Any… vegetables?”

“Yeah I always order vegetables. And I have an apple every morning.”

“Is that to keep me away?”

“What would be the point in that?” He leaned down to kiss her lips again, and once more Suki got sucked into the moment.

“Okay, okay, you should go now.” 

“Probably,” Bryce looked up to Suki’s clock which read 11:08pm. “It’s later than I thought.”

They’d lost track of time talking about the most random topics, but secretly neither of them minded.

—-

Five A.M. the next morning found Suki stumbling out of bed and blinking her way through her routine. Bryce had stayed way longer than he should’ve, _again_ , and now Suki was paying for it.

She sighed as she looked at herself in the mirror, she didn’t look her best. As she crooked her neck in a stretch she felt a sensitive spot on the left side. Moving closer to the mirror to inspect and blinking more sleep from her eyes, she saw the rough purple mark. _Shit._

“Bryce… what the fuck?!” She whisper-yelled to herself. “He is so getting shit for this.”

She had two options. 1. Leave it as it is. She didn’t really have time to do a botch job of covering it up and she was a doctor, she just needed to get on with the job no matter what. 2. Cake it in layers of concealer, colour corrector, and foundation so that instead of a hickey, it looked like she had a weird rash. 

Given Suki’s intense aversion to anything even slightly humiliating, she went with option two. She’d forgotten how much these things actually hurt – it had been years – and Bryce had gone _deep_. Mottling from a deep-blackish-purple to a lighter, but still intense pinky-lilac, Suki’s neck looked pretty bad. Thankfully the area itself wasn’t too big, and so she got to work covering it up. She made sure to snap a picture first to show Bryce the exact damage he’d done.

The first few hours of work went by as usual, diagnoses, charts, tests, discharges. She knew she had to talk to Bryce about her, _ahem_ , problem, but she wasn’t going to let something so silly take precedent over her job.

When she spotted Bryce in the atrium later she luckily had a few moments to spare. He was leaning on the desk talking to the receptionist.

“We need to talk,” she muttered behind him, pulling him along with her to somewhere more private. He rushed out a wave to the receptionist as he stumbled along after Suki. She pulled him over to the side of the atrium under the stairs. Not the most private place, but better than nothing.

“So…” Bryce said searchingly.

She huffed and moved her neck under the light, making it obvious that it was caked in cover-up. But Bryce was a typical man.

“What am I looking at? I mean, you have a very nice neck but…?”

Then she pulled out her phone and brought up the picture she’d taken as insurance this morning.

“Oh,” Bryce snorted, and actually _zoomed in_ to the photo to get a better look.

“What are you – 16?!” She snatched her phone away as she chastised him.

He laughed, not seeming at all bothered. “It was an accident, relax. I’ll be sure not to do it again.”

_Accident, my ass. You were sucking on there like a pacifier. Then again, I probably should’ve stopped him…_

“Fuck you,” she was actually frustrated about this, but the words came out more lighthearted than intended. 

“That can be arranged.”

“Bry!” Almost as soon as it came out of her mouth Suki wanted to kick herself for the cringey nickname. Where the hell did it come from?? And why! She was meant to be mad at the guy not giving him cutesy nicknames.

But Bryce didn’t pick it apart, simply winking.

“Think of it as an early Christmas present,” he teased as he moved away from the corner. She huffed again as she watched him leave, flashing a cheeky grin back at her. _What a fucking douche._

_Maybe I *should’ve* tried propositioning Dr. Tanaka, at least he would be more careful._

She was annoyed at the actual thing, sure. But she was more annoyed that rule number five: no visible marks, had been pretty astoundingly disregarded. It wasn’t the hickey itself, it was the principle. The meaning _behind_ the hickey. And the struggle of having a serious conversation with Bryce Lahela. 

She found herself asking why she hadn’t brought the rule up, why she hadn’t called him out for ignoring their very clear rules put into place for exactly this reason. Perhaps she didn’t want to stop blurring the lines, even if they were advancing into dangerous territory. Recently she’d been letting him come to hers more often, the threat of roommates not feeling so worrisome anymore, and the thought of sneaking around was sexy. And the relief, the joy she’d felt when it turned out Bryce didn’t only like her body was far from casual.

She didn’t want to be so careful anymore, and that scared the shit out of her.


	9. Medicine and Mistletoe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Christmas time in Boston, but Suki doesn’t feel like celebrating just yet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tags have been edited so please check these.
> 
>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Never Alone - Winterpark

Around a week before Christmas Suki was feeling the very opposite of festive. Accidents were always on the rise around the festive period, so Edenbrook was incredibly busy. On top of that, the patient she’d been paged for a couple of weeks prior was on a steady decline, and there was nothing else the hospital could do for him. Nothing else Suki could do for him. At 3am on 19th December, he passed away. 

By that point Suki had been working at Edenbrook for three months, and training to be a doctor almost nine years, so she knew all about the circle of life and that they couldn’t save everyone, but _fuck_ did it suck. Especially when she’d been hopeful not so long before.

And with her emotions already all over the place in her personal life, all Suki could do at that moment was take another moment in the supply closet. Just a breather, a chance to let it all out.

As she leaned against the shelves, she let words swirl around her head: ‘ _Thank you, Dr. Moore. I can’t thank you enough for doing everything you could.’_ She felt his hands on her own, saw the tears streaming down his face, the pain evident in every feature. And _still_ he thanked her. She couldn’t even imagine what that man was going through.

She thought about how she would feel losing someone so special to her, and her mind began to wander to who those special people might be.

She was so caught up in it all that she hadn’t heard the door swing open.

“You getting déjà vu again too?” A soft, low voice said.

Suki turned to see Bryce in the doorway, closing it behind him. That would be the second time he’d caught her crying in a supply closet.

“No way is this a coincidence again,” she smiled weakly, wiping some of the tears from her eyes with a loud sniff.

He smiled sadly. “It’s not. I saw you coming in here. Good thing we’re both on the night shift.” He pushed a cardboard box against the door. “Don’t worry, I’m not planning on another make out sesh – I just think you need some privacy. And maybe some of my incredible talents of support.”

Suki laughed a little, more out of obligation than humour.

“So this?” He came over and wrapped his arms around around her shoulders, large and protective, “this helped last time right?”

Suki shut her eyes tight and nodded into his chest, letting her own arms encircle his waist unlike the last time. She let herself focus on his scent, the soft material of his scrubs, the thud of his heart. Bryce was here and breathing right in front of her. That was a comforting and grounding thought. She felt herself listening to his heart like a metronome keeping track of her befuddled brain. Now she could spill to him, again.

“Here I am again questioning whether I’m fit to be a doctor,” she whispered into his body.

“Why the hell wouldn’t you be?”

“I can’t keep crying every time something bad happens.”

“Suki, this is the second time in three months. That’s pretty good going.”

She just sniffed a bit in response, basking in the all-encompassing nature of his embrace and his words.

“But I’ve got a question for you. Did you do everything you could?”

“Of course. I know I couldn’t have done any more and that it wasn’t my fault. It just sucks.”

She felt him hum in his chest. “Exactly.”

“Huh?”

“The first time I caught you in here, you said it was your fault if you failed a patient and I told you the doubt of your skill would pass. It has.”

She removed her head from his chest and looked up at his face. “Shit… you’re right.” Her expression was wide and surprised. She let out a little smile.

“I usually am.” Bryce’s face seemed to shine in the dim lighting, shadows falling from his straight nose, a small sparkle in his eye.

“But this one was horrible. Do you remember when I was paged and you had to look after Tommy?” She said, still wrapped in his arms but looking up at him now, “that patient passed away. About an hour ago.”

Bryce lifted one of his arms from around her and rested his hand on her cheek, moving his thumb back and forth ever so slowly. He didn’t say anything, he just let her carry on. She told him the details about his condition, his decline, and hearing the beep of the life support finally.

“He’d kind of become my friend, you know? When you build up a bond with a patient. And then his boyfriend came in about a half hour ago, he missed it. He said he came to _thank_ me. And god, I felt like such a fraud. He was thanking me when I couldn’t even save the man he loves,” she sputtered a bit and corrected herself, “loved.”

Bryce just cradled her head into his chest, letting her sob quietly for a few moments. It felt like their first half of the year had come full circle. It started with crying in a closet, and ended that way, too.

After a little while, Bryce whispered only just loud enough for Suki to hear:

“A love like that doesn’t work in past tenses.”

—-

Those words floated around Suki’s brain a lot over the next few days as she went about her duties. She had done all she could, and she was okay with that.

And she found herself thinking about how she’d opened up to Bryce, thrice now, yet he hadn’t opened up to her. She’d not seen his confident screen falter since the surgery thing, but he’d not mentioned it since either and that worried her. The fact that he was such a consistent guy and that day in the corridor and when he’d invited her round he wasn’t that guy? Yeah, it really worried her. Internalising wasn’t healthy, and she knew that. And she also knew Bryce would be there for everyone before he was there for himself. She just did.

And something else was clearly afoot. Because there would’ve been other surgery opportunities by now and if he’d been given them she was sure he would’ve told her. He was a huge brag, ultimately.

She knew there must be more going on. With the whole Ben thing as well, and as time went on she just wanted to know even more.

Suki tried to avoiding thinking about the fact that this might mean she was starting to care about Bryce Lahela.

—-

A few days before Christmas, Jackie, Aurora, and Suki were sat on the sofa watching old festive movie reruns before bed. Sienna was asleep and Elijah was working.

“Hey do you have that stupid video of you and Bryce at karaoke? I’m trying to prove to my cousin that I have friends,” Jackie asked.

“Yeah, sure, take a look,” Suki handed Jackie her phone open on the photos app, she didn’t need her to accidentally see any texts. Not that they were that incriminating (thanks nose emoji) but, still. “I’m just going to go to the bathroom.”

As soon as Suki returned, Jackie was staring at her phone horrified. Suddenly Suki was overthinking every text she’d ever sent Bryce. But she was _sure_ nothing was too incriminating. She was racking her brains and coming up with blanks. Maybe she should just stop going to the bathroom. Or be a little more vigilant with her phone contents.

“Suki… what the fuck is this?” Jackie flashed the screen to her as Suki came to where Jackie was sitting. On the screen in front of her was the picture Suki had taken of the hickey Bryce had given her. _Of course. How did I forget? And why the hell didn’t I delete that?_

Aurora saw and couldn’t help letting out a stifled snort.

“Oh!” She snapped the phone from Jackie’s hand roughly, “that’s from when I was a teenager. I was just showing Aurora for shits and giggles,” she laughed awkwardly, glancing to Aurora and praying she’d play along. The other girl nodded subtly, that gentle smile on her face.

“Suki, it says it was taken like, a week ago.”

“No no! It’s just a screenshot.”

Jackie looked at Suki from the side of her eyes, _knowing_ there was something Suki wasn’t telling her but not quite able to work out what. She even floated her eyes down to Suki’s neck to see if she was telling the truth. But by now the bruises were barely visible, and Jackie was looking at the wrong side anyway.

They chewed the fat for a small while after that, until eventually Jackie yawned loudly and headed off to bed. Almost immediately Aurora turned to Suki with that small smile playing on her lips.

“So. It wasn’t just a one time thing, then?” She clasped her hands in front of her. She just knew. She _knew_ that hickey was Bryce’s work and not some other random guy. Part of Suki cursed herself for having such a smart and intuitive best friend, but the other part was glad to be able to talk about it. So because of that, there was no use in trying to lie. Especially not when Suki had called Aurora out on the spot as a scapegoat.

“…maybe not.”

“What is it?”

“We’re just friends with benefits. We have a list and everything, to keep things simple.”

Aurora nodded slowly, a smug smile on her face. “Sure.”

“It’s true! I’ll show you.” Suki pulled up the list and handed her phone to Aurora.

“Suki. There are two on here you haven’t even followed. Actually, three.”

“What?!”

“First, I caught Bryce sneaking out of the apartment - that’s ‘no staying the night’. Then, I’ve literally just seen a photograph of your hickey – that’s ‘no visible marks’. And third,” she laughed, “I think I worked out why Dr Mirani is so weird around you. ‘No work-place hookups’ – right?”

Damn. There she went again. It was surprising she looked so ordinary and gorgeous with all the brains stuffed in her head.

“Okay _no_ , we made those rules after the party! And _after_ Zaid caught us.”

Aurora barked out another laugh at the confirmation of her suspicion. “And the hickey?”

“That was… an accident.”

“Hm,” she flashed that smile which Suki always found difficult to read. “Just be careful, ok? These things rarely end well.”

“I’m fine. We’re chill. Thanks though,” Suki reached a hand across to squeeze Aurora’s with gratuity, even though the latter’s hand was a little stiff under hers. That was just Aurora. She’d die for you but god forbid anyone knew about it. And Suki was thankful as hell.

—-

As an intern, Suki was able to take the day off to go and see her family on Christmas. Unfortunately it was a seven hour flight and she was in thousands of dollars of student debt so, decided against it. She’d FaceTime her family during the day. Aurora was spending Christmas with her Aunt and the rest of the family, Sienna was going home, which left Suki, Elijah, and Jackie at the apartment for their own Christmas.

On the 23rd, she received a text from Bryce.

**Scalpel Jockey** : 👃🎄🤶🎅🍃 (its mistletoe)

**Santa Fe** : say no more, omw

Suki bounded out of the house in her long winter coat, unusually buttoned all the way up. She’d decided to do something a little risky. Perhaps it was to do with this being the last time they’d see each-other in a little while, or something to do with Suki wanting to give Bryce a Christmas gift. Maybe a thank you for being her rock the other day, _and_ the time before. Or perhaps she was just feeling particularly outgoing that day.

She arrived at Bryce’s, adorned to an outsiders eye in the coat and her burgundy Dr Marten boots. She knocked and a grinning Bryce answered. He was wearing a large hoodie and skinny jeans. There was a sizeable adorable reindeer in the centre of the hoodie. And shit did it suit him. Suki looked down to notice those rings she was so fond of. _Yep, I definitely made the right choice today._

“Is it cold out?” He asked as she stepped into the threshold. She heard the door lock behind them.

“Not particularly,” she smirked, and began to slowly unbutton her coat. Underneath she was wearing silky red lingerie with fluffy white fringing. Sexy Mrs Clause vibes.

“Holy shit,” he laughed.

“Is this what you meant with the Christmas emojis?”

“I just meant one last time before but… this is better. This is definitely better.”

“Are you on the nice list, or the naughty list?”

Bryce chuckled lowly; this was equal parts hilarious and sexy as hell. He was so turned on right now. He pulled her waist to him and leaned his mouth down to her ear.

“Definitely naughty.”

“Well… we know what that means.” She pushed him back so that he bounced into the sofa. Then she went over in front of him, parting his legs with her boots. She dropped to her knees, eyes never leaving Bryce’s.

“Holy shit,” he said again as he began to hurry to lose more and more pieces of clothing.

—-

“So do you just have sexy Christmas lingerie lying about or did you buy this just for me?” Bryce asked as he threaded her thong through his hands. They sat with their backs on either arm of Bryce’s sofa.

“It was a Christmas present from my college roommate. She was trying to convince me to get laid.”

“And did you?”

Suki shrugged. As it happened, she hadn’t around that Christmas. Actually, Bryce was the first and only guy who’d ever seen that set. He raised an eyebrow, and she felt compelled to tell the truth.

“No. At least not then. I haven’t had a reason to wear these before. It’s a bit weird for a one night stand and I’ve never managed to keep a boyfriend for Christmas.” She kind of wanted him to know that for whatever reason.

“I feel honoured.” He pulled the bra from where it lay on the back of the sofa and put his arms into it, the cups laying on his pecs.

“It suits you.”

“Not a lot doesn’t,” he winked. “So why was your roommate trying to get you laid so bad?”

“I was really busy, it had been a while at that point, and she was seeing a frat boy so,” she shrugged, “guess she didn’t want me feeling left out.”

Bryce gave her a look she couldn’t read.

“It was actually um… the last person I got with was…” Suki paused. She still wasn’t even sure if he remembered her, and she didn’t want to embarrass herself, so she didn’t say what she’d meant to. “It was a while before.”

“Yeah you said that,” he laughed.

“Anyway, merry Christmas!” She pulled the panties from his hand and held them up to confirm his present. She started to pull them back on, standing from the sofa. “I hope you have a good time with your family or whatever you do at Christmas!”

He gave her a little look as he took the bra off and handed it back to her. He didn’t say anything as he pulled his boxers back on.

“You’re not going home for Christmas?” She realised.

“No, no,” he shook his head casually, but there was a hint of sadness in his voice that Suki could only just about detect.

Part of Suki wanted to invite him along to spend Christmas with her because it felt so sad to just leave him alone, but she also knew that would be crossing a line neither of them wanted crossed. So she just gave a sad nod.

“Well, I guess I’ll see you at the New Year, then.”

“Wait, how are you getting home?”

“It’s not an awful walk.”

“Well, shit, at least wear this,” Bryce grabbed his hoodie from the floor and handed it to her. “Don’t even try to argue because walking home in skimpy underwear and a coat is no way near warm enough.”

She rolled her eyes playfully but couldn’t help smiling at him. “Thank you.” She pulled the hoodie over her head. It was large and comfy, and it smelt like Bryce. Sexy cologne Bryce, _and_ homely orange Bryce.

“Do you want some sweatpants too?”

“I’m okay.”

He crinkled his brow, looking at her in his hoodie and only her boots, which had stayed on the entire time. “Nope. You’re having some.”

Bryce went to his bedroom and returned a few minutes later holding some grey sweatpants.

“They’re clean, I swear,” he threw them at Suki and she pulled them on over her boots. No point arguing. She was already feeling much warmer.

“I guess I’m ready to brave the cold now then. I’ll see you at New Year?” She said again, since he’d not responded the first time. She pulled her coat on ready to leave.

“First…” He avoided the question again. Bryce disappeared into his bedroom once more and re-emerged shortly after. He held up a cactus above his head. “I don’t have any mistletoe.”

“And you thought a cactus was the next best thing?”

He nodded, flashing his wolfish grin and revealing his white teeth. His eyes crinkled up as they did when he smiled wide, and Suki couldn’t help but grin back at him.

“Parting Christmas wishes.”

“Okay then.” She leaned into where Bryce stood, kissing him gently before breaking apart.

“I know you can kiss better than that,” he smirked.

“Is that a challenge?”

“Absolutely it is.”

She leaned into Bryce once more and took the cactus from his hand, placing it down on his coffee table. She rested her fingers so gently on his cheek that it was merely an electric tickle to him. Her other hand stopped at his neck. Angling her head to the side slightly, Suki moved even closer so that their noses almost touched. She watched as Bryce’s eyes seemed to close involuntarily, a small crinkle of anticipation between his eyebrows. He wasn’t smirking any more. Slowly, she took his bottom lip between her own, tasting him and savouring the moment. It was familiar, but new. She could feel his Adam’s apple gulp under her hand. They kissed slowly, deeply, really relishing the moment. Bryce snaked his arms around Suki’s waist under his hoodie, hers still stroking his face and neck oh so gently.

Bryce’s lips were plump and soft, and the way they were moving on her own made Suki’s knees weak. This was unlike any of the other kisses they’d shared, this was measured. Slow, subtle, yet deep and intoxicating. Suki really had meant to step up to the challenge.

Suki felt breathless, not because her mouth was occupied, but because of how it was happening. It was like she could see the Boston skyline lit up beneath her eyelids, the colours and the lights and the soft hues of figures on the sidewalk. There was something _charged_ in this kiss.

Feeling a little lost and unable to continue for fears of taking too much, Suki broke away.

“That better?” She breathed, eyes shut to ground her as she felt a little woozy.

“Entirely.”

“Merry Christmas,” she whispered again, opening her eyes to commit his expression then to memory. He was stupefied, face frozen with his lips slightly parted, eyes very dark from dilated pupils like he’d just done a line of coke, and eyebrows flat and relaxed in awe.

After memorising each detail, and without another word, Suki scrambled off to Bryce’s front door and hurried out. Her ears were ringing and her heart was hammering hard in her chest. If she didn’t look at human bodies all day long she might be worried it would smash out of her chest. She slammed the door behind herself and steadied herself against it.

Suki was absolutely reeling from that kiss. It was… indescribable.

—-

On the 25th, while Suki, Jackie, and Elijah were enjoying their festivities and she’d escaped for a quick splash of water to the face, she received a text.

**Scalpel Jockey** : merry christmas santa fe 🍃(its mistletoe, remember?)🎅🎄🎁

 **Scalpel Jockey** : i might’ve lied before, i think im on the nice list this year and I’ll need another of those kisses come new year😉😚

Suki felt guilty for not having invited Bryce before, and vowed then that he should be included in their New Years plans, whatever they ended up being. She pictured him alone in his apartment, eating ramen, and her heart hurt. She should’ve swallowed her pride and invited him.

**Santa Fe** : i think you’ve earned it, merry christmas scalpel jockey🖋(it’s a scalpel😉)

_…Santa Fe is typing…_

**~~Santa Fe~~ ** ~~: i’m sorry. i wish i’d invited you.~~

“Suki! We’re about to do the pie, come out of there,” Elijah yelled from the kitchen. Suki smiled bittersweetly at her friend’s voice and moved toward the kitchen, the text unsent.


	10. New Year, Same Situation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s New Year’s Eve and the group have a gathering. One problem: Suki’s thoughts are occupied by that kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Electric Love - BØRNS

It turned out, in a blessing to Suki’s guilt, that Bryce had picked up extra shifts on Christmas. He didn’t seem fussed about it, so she guessed he just wasn’t the Christmas type. She’d caved and texted him back asking about his plans, and he’d told her. Apparently it brought a lot of the patients joy to have ‘such an incredibly handsome surgeon helping out’ (his words). There was still that regret that she hadn’t offered, though. And also a small part of her that just wishes he’d been there for the sake of being there.

She couldn’t stop thinking about that kiss. Every aspect was jumbling about in her brain like the numbers in a lottery machine. The way he’d held her in all her layers against his bare skin, the steady, savouring movements of their lips against one another. The familiar yet brand new sensation, each nerve wired with the electricity spreading between them. It was intense. She was waiting for her number to be called to find out if she’d won: but what was the prize? Bryce..? She already knew him. But… more kisses? Honestly, thinking about it was giving her a headache.

The look on Bryce’s face. Narcotised, dumbfounded. She couldn’t stop seeing that face in her head, and every time she did her heart stopped and she wanted to kiss him like that again just to see it.

She wondered if Bryce had felt the same way about it, or if it had been only her. Because yeah, it had been a good kiss, he’d said as such afterwards. But had it been as earth-shattering for him as it had been for her? Had he felt that nagging sensation in the pit of his stomach and the ringing in his ears and the thrum of his heart? Was he thinking _fuck_ the whole time? Or unable to think of anything beside her lips?

And it felt like now there was something pulling them together, she wanted him there any time she had a bad day to cradle her in his big arms and reassure her, she wanted him there to kiss her until she could barely speak or do anything else.

On Boxing Day, Elijah and Suki were serving themselves leftovers while Jackie sat on the sofa groaning through her fifth mimosa. Suki was wearing Bryce’s reindeer hoodie, because her own Christmas jumpers were ugly and tasteless, she told herself. Of course, no one else knew it was Bryce’s. Unless they knew his scent as well as she did. Suki didn’t even realise she was smiling until Elijah spoke.

“I’m glad you’re doing better,” Elijah smiled.

“What do you mean?”

“Oh- I mean, nothing. You just seem less stressed.”

Suki squinted her eyes. That wasn’t it. “Spill.”

“God, fine. I’m terrible at keeping things. Back in September, that night we watched movies? I talked to Bryce earlier that day and he told me to keep an eye on you, that you might’ve been needing a little extra love.”

_So that was why Elijah was being like that. Bless him._

“That little-“

“He didn’t want you to think he was being weird and overbearing! That’s why he asked me. He barely knew us back then.”

_Well, not exactly true. By that point we’d kissed in a supply closet._

“Did he say anything else?” Suki asked, suddenly worried about Bryce sharing their little secret. Then again, it had been months, and Elijah _was_ terrible at keeping things. He wouldn’t have been able to go so long unnoticed. Suki had noticed his concerned looks at her, she just hadn’t known the meaning behind them.

“Um. No? I don’t remember.”

Well, it couldn’t have been that Bryce had told him, then.

“Okay.”

“But he was right. I don’t know how he noticed, but you _were_ a little off for a time.” Elijah placed down the clippers he’d been using to serve himself some roast potatoes.

_I mean, he noticed because he found me crying in the supply closet but we’ll leave that bit out._

“Yeah. Being a doctor is hard.”

“You got that right.”

—-

When New Year rolled around, all the roommates had returned to the apartment and were discussing their NYE plans.

“I don’t want to throw another party. Not after the last one.”

“It was fine! Farley didn’t even find out.”

“It got out of hand and it was stressful, can’t someone else throw a party?”

“Or we could go to Donahue’s…” Jackie suggested.

“No,” the others chorused.

“Fine, fine.”

“Donahue‘s is great but I’m not ringing in the new year there.”

“We spent Halloween there.”

“That’s different.”

“Is anyone working?”

Suki’s head was starting to hurt from the questions and overlap of voices. She wasn’t even fussed about having a big New Year celebration, she just wanted to be with her friends.

“Let’s just spend the new year by ourselves,” Suki breathed out after a while.

Jackie shrugged, seeming okay with the idea.

“But… what about our other friends?” Asked Elijah.

“Like who?” Said Aurora, “we don’t have other friends.”

“Not true! There’s that sweet paramedic Rafael who talks to me when he’s bringing patients in,”

“Sienna I don’t think that’s-”

“And I made friends with one of my patients, she’s called Kyra,” Elijah added.

“Have you all forgotten about Bryce? He’s annoying as fuck but he’s technically part of the group.”

“Gia from across the hall! She’s so lovely.”

“Gia has a kid, she won’t come.”

“What about that Landry kid who came to Donahue’s with us?”

“No. No.” Jackie made a gagging motion.

“It’s sounding like you guys want a party. Does anyone actually want a party?” Aurora asked.

The rest of them groaned uneasily. No one wanted a party.

“Fine, how about everyone has a plus one. Sienna, that way you can invite Rafael, Elijah can invite Kyra, Jackie can invite Bryce...” Aurora said calmly.

“Ew,” Jackie retorted.

“I kind of wanted to invite Danny…” Sienna trailed off.

“He can be my plus one,” Aurora offered.

“I’m not having Bryce as my plus one.” Jackie made a face of disgust.

“It’s not like having a plus one means anything. They’re not going to be handcuffed to you or something weird,” Aurora said.

“I don’t care. Suki can have him.”

“Why me?” She realised the rush and speed of her reply may have not been the most natural thing.

“Did you have any other options?”

“…no.”

“Sorted. I’ll invite that nice girl from down the hall as my plus one.”

“Huh?”

“Phoebe. The one you have a crush on,” Jackie directed her gaze to Elijah.

“…what??” Elijah looked completely taken aback. His mouth was agape and his eyes were wide.

So the group got to refining their plans, including the type of alcohol they’d buy, any decorations, timings, entertainment.

—-

For the first time, Suki was nervous about texting Bryce. After their kiss, she didn’t want to make things weird. Plus, he’d never replied to her when she’d asked him about New Years the week before.

**Santa Fe** : you free on ny?

**Scalpel Jockey** : depends why you’re asking

**Santa Fe** : we’re doing some kind of gathering at the apartment

 **Santa Fe** : the others wanted you here

**Scalpel Jockey** : the others but not you? ouch

**Santa Fe** : 🙄you know what I meant

 **Santa Fe** : are you free or not?

**Scalpel Jockey** : sure i’ll be there

—-

Everyone worked most of the time in the couple of days leading up to their get-together, so anything that was done in preparation was done in short bursts. On the 30th, Bryce texted again.

**Scalpel Jockey** : what’s this about handcuffs?😏

**Santa Fe** : what???

**Scalpel Jockey** : jackie said something about handcuffs and i for one am not complaining

 **Scalpel Jockey** : i bumped into her at the hospital earlier and she was complaining to me about myself

_Huh, must’ve been what Aurora had said about the plus ones not meaning anything. Of course his ears only perked up when it could be interpreted as kinky._

**Santa Fe** : there’s no handcuffs

**Scalpel Jockey** : after that christmas lingerie? colour me doubtful

**Santa Fe** : correction, *there’s no handcuffs for you at a new years celebration while everyone else is around

**Scalpel Jockey** : i’ll take it😏

—-

Then in no time it was 6:00pm on the 31st and everyone was getting ready for the others to turn up.

Suki was wearing a sparkly black jumpsuit with sheer sleeves and gold eyeshadow on her eyes. It felt the right palette for the occasion. The others were also dressed to the nines and they laughed and hung out until the first guest arrived.

Suki began to get nervous waiting for Bryce to arrive. _God, what’s going on here? I thought we were over this?_

Each new arrival sent a jolt through Suki’s stomach and she held her breath for a moment. And then there was a mix of relief and disappointment each time it wasn’t him.

When he finally swaggered through the door holding two bottles of red wine, cheering with his usual cockiness, she hung back while the others greeted him. He was dressed up, and lord did he look good.

Blue slacks, blue jacket, floral light blue shirt. Right down to the shiny black shoes. Suddenly Suki couldn’t stop looking at how those clothes fit him, suited him so well. _Shit_. And then how they would look on her bedroom floor.

“Suki,” he finally breathed out his greeting after saying hello to everyone else.

“Hi,” she gave him a nod and a smile which came out higher pitched than she’d intended and already knew her face was heating up.

_Calm. The. Fuck. Down. It was just a kiss. We do it all the time._

Bryce moved closer as though about to say something else, when Jackie slapped a hand on his back and led him to the kitchen.

“We need to get that wine in a glass…”

The new year squad drank and discussed for a while before eventually Sienna started off the games for the evening.

“We’re going to play charades!” Sienna enthused.

“I call dibs on Suki,” Bryce said almost immediately.

“You don’t even know if I’m any good.”

“Oh, I know you’re good,” he winked. She rolled her eyes playfully, and the rest of the group paired up: Elijah and Phoebe, Sienna and Danny, Jackie and Raf, Aurora and Kyra.

Bryce and Suki got off to a Rocky start. The card she picked was an obscure one. She was standing, moving a fist in circles beside her mouth.

“Uhhh washing your face? Applying mascara? Smelling flowers? …whiskers? I- um, churning… butter? Conducting! No? Um…”

Suki was violently shaking her head at each ridiculous guess. She scowled and controlled her hand a little, opening her mouth like a fish.

“Oh! Eating!”

She nodded and grinned, waiting for him to get the rest.

“Oatmeal? Cereal? Ice cream? Oh! SOUP!?”

“Yes!” She jumped up finally and the two high-fived.

Elijah and Phoebe were surprisingly good, Sienna and Danny pretty terrible because they couldn’t stop laughing, and both Team Aurora and Team Jackie’s competitive sides were coming out. Most of the charades were funny, but Kyra’s were hilarious.

After a few rounds everyone was cutting it close aside from Sienna and Danny. It was Bryce’s turn.

He was mimicking riding a bike, which was hilarious. He had one foot to the ground and was circling the other one while he held his hands out in front of him. _What a dork_. But Suki guessed it quickly enough, pulling them ahead in points.

They reached the bottom of the pile of cards, Bryce and Suki winning by one point.

“We make quite the pair, don’t we Sukes?” He grinned, nudging her with his shoulder.

“I- are you-“

“You think I didn’t notice that little nickname you gave me? You can’t hog all the fun.”

_Ah. So he hadn’t missed it then_.

—-

As the night continued on they played a few board games (Monopoly, Scrabble), before an interesting game of Twister.

Suki somehow ended up in an odd human pretzel with Rafael, Sienna, and not at all to her surprise, Bryce. The universe had an agenda, alright.

“No don’t put your hand on that one I’ll fall over!” Sienna shouted at Raf. But it was too late and they fell into a big pile in the middle of the sheet. Somehow Jackie remained composed to the side of them.

“I won!”

“Can you help?” Struggled Suki, who was stuck at the bottom of the pile. The other half of the group worked to help each person off the pile. Bryce was winking down at her, their faces close and his body fitting into every part of hers. _For fucks sake._ She was trying super hard not to think about kissing the shit out of those lips right now.

To her relief, but also disappointment - which seemed to be much of a theme that night - Phoebe and Danny helped to pull Bryce up and she was left freed.

And then Kyra insisted on a game of Truth or Dare.

“Aren’t we a bit old for that?” Aurora asked.

“You’re never told old for fun!” Kyra replied, “I want to get to know you guys better.”

Phoebe had to kiss the person she fancied the most, which brought on many cheers and whoops when it turned out to be Elijah (definitely a leading question on Kyra’s part). The two couldn’t stop smiling at each other after that. Elijah told everyone about his biggest fantasy, Aurora showed off her hidden talent (burping the ABC’s), Danny read out his most recent text (an ‘I love you’ to his dad), Sienna was dared to take a mystery shot of Jackie’s creation – which looked like included pickle juice and Tabasco sauce. Rafael talked about his worst date, and Kyra had to give the person to her right a foot massage – which was Jackie. She didn’t seem to mind much.

Bryce picked dare, of course.

“I dare you to give everyone in the circle a lap dance!” Rafael said.

“You just want one, don’t you?” Bryce winked to the other man, who laughed and shrugged. Jackie looked horrified at the idea, and Elijah started to play _Pony_ – Ginuwine through the speakers. So Bryce got about moving to the music like he was in Magic Mike. Slowly, each item of clothing was lost. Until he was left in only his boxers. Incredibly cringey, but also… pretty hot. He went around the circle, giving each person their own little performance. Danny pretended to fling dollar bills at him. Jackie made a lot of gagging noises and screeches.

When he at last got to Suki, she was nervous. He gave her that look she could read right through, and began to grind his ass just above her lap. When he turned to face her and began to wind his body above her, she knew she was visibly flustered. And so did he. Not to mention, _he knew what she liked._

He grabbed her chin and brought it towards his sensually as he mockingly sang along with the song. This was such a game for him, and she was an unwitting pawn.

“You’re… not supposed to touch me,” she tried to laugh it out, but it was awkward and meek. He removed his hand with a flourish and an insolent shoulder shrug.

She was so alarmed, but eventually began to screech laughter. By that point everyone was in fits. It was almost impossible to take a lap dance seriously, and definitely impossible to take a lap dance from Bryce seriously.

“Okay, I think that concludes that,” Raf laughed. Bryce shot Suki a signature wink before pushing himself up to standing. He finished off his dance with a rather impressive body roll-into-worm movement. He then began to re-clothe himself.

After cooling down a bit, Suki chose truth, always the safer option. Or so she thought.

“Ok then. When did you last get laid?” Phoebe asked. _Jump right to it, why don’t you?_

Easy to lie, of course. But her expression and squirming was a dead giveaway that she was nervous to answer the question. And Suki was a terrible liar.

“The day before Christmas Eve,” she choked out, deliberately avoiding eye contact with Bryce because she could already tell the expression he had at that moment. _Smug. Smug as shit. There’s no way he’s not thinking about the Christmas themed lingerie if nothing else._

“What? Who?” Jackie asked, not sly about the way her eyes fell on Suki’s neck again.

“Random tinder guy. It was nothing.”

From the corner of her eye Suki thought she could see Bryce’s face crinkle momentarily, but he was normal when she fully looked at him.

They played a couple more rounds, Suki was sure to pick dare that time ( _try to lick your elbow, thanks Sienna_ ).

When the group took a little break Suki escaped and grabbed some more drinks from her bedroom, only to go to return and find Bryce leaning on her doorway. Draped on the frame like the prettiest chandelier in the vintage furniture store. Because vintage had character, beauty, stories, secrets. Looking ever so casual in his shirt, rolled up to his elbows, and slacks. His jacket was long discarded. _Okay, this is the first time we’ll really have spoken since the kiss._

“Hey,” he said, as though they hadn’t spoken before that evening. Which, she supposed, they hadn’t. Not as ‘Bryce and Suki’.

Was he thinking about that kiss too? Was he consumed by the desire to rush over and kiss her slowly, every moment as much bliss as it was torture as though the moment were crafted as deliberately Dionysian? Hard to tell.

“Hey, what are you doing?” She was holding two bottles of sparkling wine in each hand, ready to have taken them out to the others. Unfortunately that meant she couldn’t expel nervous energy through drumming her fingers on her thighs.

“Just checking up on you. Making sure you’re not causing any trouble.”

“Riiiight.”

“Um,” he was flustered, something Suki never believed she would see in a million years. He scratched at the back of his head. “So tonight… after… are we- am I staying?”

“Ah, I see. This is a preemptive booty call.”

“No, well- I-“

Suki laughed, it was so odd to see him like this. Also odd that his first reaction to ‘is this a booty call’ was ‘no’?? _What the hell has him so creepily bashful?_

“Of course you can stay if you want. You don’t even have to leave early I’ll just throw you out on the couch and blame it on the alcohol.” As soon as the words left her mouth Suki regretted them. She’d pretty explicitly just invited him to stay the night. Like, the actual night. _Rule number fucking two Suki. No. Staying. The. Night._

Not a matter of convenience, not a courtesy as thanks, just… because.

That mischievous part of her didn’t want to correct herself, or make it clear that he couldn’t stay. She wanted him to want to stay.

_Fuck_.

But she couldn’t listen to that little voice. She couldn’t. She knew she’d only screw herself over.

“You know what I mean, right? Like, after sex I’ll send you to the sofa…”

“Yeah. Sweet. Cool. Nice.”

_Oh my god. What is going on? Why is he acting so weird? Is it the alcohol?_

Suki was feeling clammy and stressed and she knew she had to change the subject.

“So, why didn’t you tell me the other day what your New Years plans were?”

“What do you mean?”

“When I came to yours…” now it was Suki’s turn to feel flustered, _kiss brain alert kiss brain alert_ “I asked you about New Years and you ignored it.”

“Oh? I don’t know. I can’t remember,” he grinned and normal Bryce was back. “Come on, pass me a bottle and let’s get this night cracking on.”

And so they did, more laughing and dancing and games and talking. At one point, Bryce was dancing in a mockingly seductive way with Phoebe and Elijah, prompting Sienna to sidle up to Suki.

“So that lap dance Bryce did… did you notice he spent waaay longer on you than anyone else?”

“I think he just knew I’m easily embarrassed. It’s difficult to hide.”

“I don’t know Suki, I think he might fancy you,” she whispered, excitement and scandal in her voice and on her face.

_How do I tell Sienna it’s just because we’re sleeping together without telling Sienna we’re sleeping together?_

“Incredibly doubtful. He just wanted a rise out of me.”

When it reached around 11:45pm, the group lounged around on the couches to watch the ball drop in New York on the TV.

The obvious couples of the evening – Sienna and Danny; Elijah and Phoebe – were antsy and sat beside each other, waiting for their midnight kiss.

“I’m going to kiss each and every one of you,” Kyra grinned.

And Suki was in an awkward positing sat beside Bryce and wondering if she should kiss into the new year with him. It was only tradition, right? But felt important information to know.

Which she absolutely didn’t know.

But they couldn’t, they were surrounded by people.

As the countdown began, Suki’s tension rose. He wouldn’t kiss her, would he? Not here, not now.

“HAPPY NEW YEAR!” Everyone shouted at once when the clock hit zero and the ball dropped in Times Square. Bryce reached over to give Suki’s hand a quick squeeze, but no kiss.

Instead, Kyra gave Suki a prolonged ‘mwah!’, and she had to sit watching Danny and Sienna, and Elijah and Phoebe getting into it. At least everyone else was single. The singles all stood to hug each other, a few kisses too, celebrating a whole new calendar year.

Suki bitterly wished that Bryce had kissed her. And she was mentally kicking herself for it. But, when he embraced her he whispered:

“We’ll ring the new year in properly later.”


	11. Tequila Flavoured Sutures

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki tries to wrangle some belated birthday celebrations and they don’t quite go as planned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> sex (catching feelings) - EDEN

And ring in the New Year they did, for hours and hours and hours. There was little concern about the noise they were making due to the fact that everyone was passed out from alcohol by that point.

—-

It took almost the entire month of January until Suki had a day off, in fact, _two_ days off. She skipped over her birthday on the 18th, opting for takeout and a movie (and not telling anyone it was her birthday so they wouldn’t make a fuss). Yay to twenty-eight. Her plans for her days off initially involved those chips and candy she didn’t get to indulge in before; but then she thought about Bryce’s words the last time ‘ _…and you didn’t even think to invite me?_ ’ And immediately caved. She _did_ want to see him after such a long time. Especially after how he was in bed at New Years…

**Santa Fe** : 👃yours?

**Scalpel Jockey** : i finish in a couple hours?

**Santa** **Fe** : cool, i’ll be there

**Scalpel Jockey** : 😈

So after a couple of hours Suki arrived at Bryce’s place. Pretty much as soon as she stepped through the door she was rushing Bryce’s shirt off.

“Woah, someone’s eager.”

“It’s been a little while.”

—-

A chunk of time and a few rounds later, Bryce and Suki caught their breath on his bed. Suki wasn’t ready for the night to end, she was pretty horny still, and she had the day off tomorrow, too.

“Hey,” she grinned with mischief and sudden inspiration in her eyes, she _had_ missed out on birthday fun after all, “wanna get drunk and do body shots?”

“Absolutely,” Bryce bit his lip and his eyelids sunk with desire. Suki already knew this would be an interesting night.

They partially dressed and headed into the kitchen to grab Bryce’s alcohol. He crouched down to a little cupboard in the corner of his kitchen.

“Oh.” He pulled a bottle of rum from the cupboard. There was barely anything left in it.

“Shit,” Suki laughed.

“I can grab something from the convenience store?”

“Eh, why not, I’ll come along.”

“You don’t have to.”

“Some fresh air might be nice after all that… exertion.”

So Bryce and Suki put on the rest of their clothes and headed out to walk to the store. The late January cold was biting but neither of them noticed much.

On the walk they talked about everything and nothing, like they were old friends catching up after too long away. Suki tried to ignore the fact that their hands brushed when they walked too close together. That the cold metal of his rings sent a jolt through the nerves in her fingers. She also tried to ignore the fact that made her think about holding that hand. Back on the first day, when they’d danced to The Stone Roses, when he’d asked if she wanted to be adored and made her scramble under his gaze. And then the many times she’d gripped his hand while he was fucking her into oblivion, letting it press her own into the mattress with pressure, his fingers fitting between her own desperately and needing like puzzle pieces. Her nails digging into the back of his hand and vice versa. She remembered how that first time and all the times since their hands had felt right, like an old key and lock with a very specific shape.

Once they reached the store, they picked up two bottles of tequila, and some fresh limes.

“I’ll pay,” Bryce rushed in front of her, “I’ll keep whatever’s left over.”

“Not if we drink it all,” she teased.

“That’s 70cl each, I think not,” Bryce chuckled as the cashier put the bottles in their over-used old plastic bag for them. Suki pulled the full bag from the counter once Bryce had paid.

“Can’t handle it?”

“Thanks man,” Bryce said to the cashier and they began to make their way outside. “As doctors I think we both know 70cl is like, death limits.”

“Long term, maybe,” she shrugged. When she saw the look Bryce was giving her, she added, “I’m joking, you dumbass! I’m not sure why you even bought two bottles.”

“Eh, saves coming down here again.”

“Lazy-ass.”

They pushed open the door to step into the cold outside. Bryce shook his head affectionately and laughed at Suki, despite the conversation being barely funny.

As he laughed, Bryce stumbled backwards off the step up to the shop and into a man drinking just outside the store.

“Oops, sorry man,” he grinned an apology. It was lighthearted and accidental and that should’ve been the end of it. But this dude did _not_ look happy.

“Hey Buddy, are you looking for a fight?”

“No, not at all – just an accident, dude.”

“Are you fuckin’ sure?” The man signalled down to the ground where a vodka bottle was smashed into large pieces.

“I’m sorry, I’ll buy you another.”

Suki was beginning to feel very stressed. Confrontation was her least favourite thing ever. She pulled one of the tequila bottles from her bag.

“Here, sir. Have this. He really didn’t mean to break it.”

“Tell your boyfriend to be more careful,” he spat.

Suki didn’t want to provoke him any more by correcting him, but she also didn’t want him to keep talking smack. Hearing this guy get so worked up over Bryce’s mere mistake was enough to give Suki a major adrenaline and confidence boost.

“He tripped, and then apologised immediately. We offered to buy you another bottle, and even offered up our own. Maybe you need to calm down.” Her voice was slightly raised and she was starting to see red from anger.

“Suki-“ Bryce started, holding a hand out as though to shield her.

But this man was very intoxicated and clearly in the mood to be a dick, because he walked over to Suki and shoved her to the floor. It was like everything was moving in fast forward because it happened in just seconds. And then all of a sudden Suki was on the other side of the coin and in slow motion, stumbling down to the concrete. In the process the tequila in the dishevelled bag in her hand also smashed through the worn plastic and to the floor and Suki, in trying to break her fall, stumbled back on her hands. She winced as her hand dug right into one particularly sharp shard of glass.

“Shit.”

The man’s eyes widened as he noticed what he’d done and the absolute rage and contempt on Bryce’s face. Bryce was furious. Suki had never seen him so mad. Not even that day he’d lost the surgery. And it wasn’t cartoon smoke-out-the-ears fury either, it was scary. Pure. The drunkard was clearly terrified by Bryce’s expression and his tightly clenching fists and he scarpered.

“HEY! ASSHOLE!” Bryce shouted after him, running down the road after him a bit. Suki was surprised at how fast he was running. He got a little ways down the sidewalk when the other man crossed a traffic-filled road. Bryce looked back and saw Suki on the floor - he knew his priority was her.

He returned to where she was now sat on the floor, examining the glass shoved into her hand and crumbs of concrete around the area, too. The aroma of tequila mixed with blood was overwhelming. Suki was honestly feeling a mixture of shell-shock and dizzy headiness.

“Fuck,” Bryce said, crouching beside her and taking her hand in his like the very limb was made of glass. “I’ll fucking kill him. Does anywhere else hurt? Are you okay emotionally?”

His deep brown eyes searched hers, desperate concern clouding them. All traces of the absolute anger of before were gone, only solicitude and tunnelled focus on the woman before him.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Maybe a bruise on my butt but I’ve had worse. What a dick.”

Bryce held the underside of her hand in both of his, securing her wrist steady, and scrunched his face up as he inspected it. “We need to get the glass out of this.”

“Easy, it’s only the one piece.” Suki tried not to yelp as she pulled the shard from her palm.

“Suki!” Bryce chastised.

“It’s all good, see?”

“I’m going to pretend you didn’t just do that after nine years of medical training.”

“It’s fine,” she assured him, hoping her eyes were telling him so too. Sure, it hurt, but it wasn’t enough to make a big deal out of.

“You should let me take you to the emergency room.”

“Bryce. It’s _fine_. It’s not a big deal.”

He winced as he looked at the blood still pouring from the gash in her hand. “I swear I’ll deck that guy if I ever see him again. It’ll heal much better if you go to the ER and get stitches. The last thing a doctor needs is nerve damage.”

“ _Bryce_.”

“Fine, then you’re coming back to mine and letting me stitch it.”

“Bryce!” Suki was feeling like a broken record, but honestly at that moment, a combination of shock and the odd feeling Bryce’s eyes gave her was making it a little difficult to access her full word library.

“Don’t wear my name out,” he winked, keeping one hand on hers and placing the other round her waist as he helped pull her up from the ground. She was sure to grab the unaffected tequila bottle and limes with her functioning hand.

“I could’ve stood up by myself you know, my legs are fine.”

“I’m keeping this hand so you don’t do anything else to it,” he said, taking Suki’s wrist to hold her bleeding hand above her heart, and began to pull her along with him. She sighed but let him pull her along, anything to get him not to go after that guy. She didn’t need the further mortification.

The walk back had lost the vibe of the walk there; solemn and sober. Mostly filled with Bryce muttering things about the man and retained asking of Suki’s well-being.

Bryce held her wrist the entire way, catching most of the leftover dripping blood on his own hand.

They reached Bryce’s apartment and he unlocked the door for them, closed it behind him, and then led Suki over to the sofa.

“Stay there,” he instructed before disappearing into the kitchen. Seconds later he re-emerged with a sizeable first aid kit.

“That’s big,” Suki laughed, a little more colour in her cheeks now that they were inside, “I would say you’re compensating for something but...”

“But you know I’m not,” he grinned smugly as he perched beside her.

Bryce was ever so delicate as he held Suki’s hand and cleaned away the blood with an antiseptic wipe. She winced the first time the cool chemical wipe made contact with the gash which caused Bryce to immediately stop and look at her. She gave him a little nod to continue. He did his best to be careful as he moved the skin around a bit under his phone flashlight to see if any glass was lingering.

“I swear Suki if this heals and there’s still glass in there because you wouldn’t let me take you to the ER, you’ll never hear the end of this.”

“Fine, but I trust your 20/20 vision and steady scalpel hand.”

“As you should.”

Once the wound was clean and Bryce had checked multiple times for fragments of glass, he pulled his suture kit from the box.

Watching Bryce steady the curved needle end in some tweezers was artful. He was so practised, so sure. The way his pretty features furrowed together slightly in focus was magnetising. She was amazed at how steady his hands were, how such large appendages could look so fine and delicate. Each stitch pulled through was neat and even, Suki’s eyes flicking between the stitches and Bryce’s facial expression. It was piercing her skin but it was like she couldn’t feel it. His other hand remained beneath hers, holding it up and keeping it from shaking. Then Bryce secured the stitches and started to wrap some bandage around for extra protection.

Bryce finished off his bandaging by tucking it in at the back of her hand. He held her hand, still.

“It’s going to scar,” he sighed.

“What’s a doctor without a few scars?”

“Touché.”

“Thank you for doing this.”

“It was no question.”

Suki couldn’t help but notice the way Bryce’s thumb soothed the back of the hand it was holding. She looked up to the clock. It had only been an hour since they’d left for drinks. _Eventful hour._

Eventually Bryce seemed to notice his hand and removed it from hers.

“What about those body shots then?” She smirked.

“You’re hurt.”

“It’s a _cut_ on my _hand_ , I was planning on doing these shots with my mouth…”

Bryce raised his eyebrows and licked his lips. “Well, we did manage to salvage one bottle.”

“Not to mention it has been secured by ‘the best surgical intern at Edenbrook’.”

“Oh you’re damn fucking right. Fine, you know how to convince a guy. We’re gonna take it careful though, okay?”

“Deal. On which I _will not_ shake my hand.”

He laughed and got up to fetch the shot glasses from the kitchen, beckoning her over.

“The counter will be best.”

Suki laid down first, letting Bryce slip her top over her head (with which he was incredibly careful with her hand), and slide her pants down her legs until she was laying on his kitchen island in only her underwear.

“Now, this is a sight that could encourage me to be in the kitchen more,” Bryce laughed, trailing a finger up and down her arm and causing her to tremble.

“Still haven’t learned any recipes, huh?”

“No. But there’s no way in hell we’re talking about cooking right now.”

Bryce licked a finger and trailed it slowly between Suki’s breasts, then sprinkled some salt over that area. He rested the lime wedge on her stomach. Finally he filled a shot glass with the spirit and placed it in her mouth. She was trying not to laugh too hard so that she didn’t spill the tequila all over her face.

“Ready?” He smirked. She lifted her good hand in an ‘ok’ sign.

As Bryce leaned down towards Suki’s chest, his face was hungry, craving. That look was making Suki’s stomach flip all kinds of directions. He sensuously licked his tongue up between her breasts, catching each grain of salt. He laughed a little as he moved to collect the shot glass in his own mouth. Their lips touched briefly as he secured it in his mouth, then he threw his head back and downed the shot immediately. Then rather swiftly Bryce moved down to Suki’s stomach to suck all the juice from the lime and counter the sharp tequila flavour.

“Okay, that was a really good idea,” he exhaled in the way one does after a strong shot of alcohol. Bryce took another three shots from various parts of Suki’s body; for the last two she lay on her stomach and he used spots such as the nape of her neck, small of her back, and asscheek. The two of them were a messy mix of laughing the whole time, and really enjoying the whole thing.

“Right? My turn now.”

Bryce and Suki switched places, and he threw all his clothing bar underpants off towards the lounge.

Suki used her tongue to dampen the line in the middle of Bryce’s abs for the salt, balanced the shot glass precariously on the flat part of his chest, and placed the lime in his mouth.

She was slow and tantalising as she lapped up the salt, swift as she took the shot, and then there was the lime. She leant down to suck out the sour juice, but kept the lime in his mouth the entire time she drained it. It was an odd but exciting semi-kiss.

After a couple more shots Suki had a new idea.

“Wait, wait,” she laughed, a mischievous glint in her eye.

“What?”

“What if… I poured a bit on your stomach and licked it up…” she was laughing a lot, but it was obvious the idea appealed a lot to her.

“Do it.”

She placed a hand on his stomach to steady him before she planned to carefully pour the liquid over him.

“Hey, careful with that hand,” Bryce nudged, noticing it pressed flat on his body.

“Yes, yes, Dr. Lahela.” She teased.

Time seemed to fly by as the pair took shot after shot, broken up by messy intoxicated kisses, neither realising that Suki’s tolerance was far lower than Bryce’s. After losing count, they wordlessly abandoned the game, relocating to dance around stupidly in their underwear in the living room. Suki may or may not have been swigging tequila directly from the bottle at that point.

A number of songs played and then:

“I’m… pretty drunk,” Suki laughed, closing her eyes and letting herself sway a bit.

“Same!” Bryce enthused, before Suki began to topple over towards the sofa, “woah! Okay, you’re more drunk than me,” he giggled as he caught her fall. Now he was sitting on the floor with Suki’s jelly-like body in his arms. He kept a weary eye on her bandaged hand.

Yes, Bryce was drunk, but the moment he needed to be sensible or protective it was like a switch went off in his brain.

Her eyes were still shut and a blissful smile spread over her face. “Kiss me.”

Bryce leaned in and gave her a chaste peck to the lips.

“I know you can kiss better than that,” she echoed his words from their epic kiss.

“Not when you’re drunker than me I can’t.”

“Boohoo.”

“We should get you home. I’ll come with, I’m not sure I’m comfortable putting you in an Uber alone.”

“I don’t think I can walk very far, Bryyyceee.”

“Okay, you can have my bed then. I’ll take the sofa.”

“Nooooo,” she brought up her limp hands to grab either side of his face, visibly wincing a bit when the bandaged one made contact with his face. “Sleep with me.”

“Clothed? Sure.” Bryce took her damaged hand in his own and held it away from any pain risks.

“Nopeeee,” Suki’s remaining clumsy hand began to slide down Bryce’s chest and fiddle with the band of his boxers. He laughed and grabbed them both with his free hand to stop her.

“I’m not having sex with you again tonight.”

“Meanie.”

“Okay,” he chuckled again.

“But will you sleep with me? Like, to make sure I don’t throw up in the night or something.”

“Sure, miss tequila.”

Bryce stood and pulled Suki up with him, her eyes fluttering open at the movement, and supported her in the walk to his bedroom.

“Are you cold? I have some pyjamas if you’d like.” He offered when they got there, still holding her tightly to his side.

She shook her head, but didn’t seem sure. She looked up to Bryce with wide eyes and a startled expression like she was only just really seeing him.

“Bathroom,” she choked out, and Bryce rushed her towards his en-suite. He supported her all the way to her eventually emptying the contents of her stomach into his toilet bowl.

He held her hair back from her face as she very inelegantly upchucked into Bryce’s toilet a few times.

“I’m sorry,” she looked up at him, eyes wide and apologetic, “I didn’t mean to drink so much I’m just…” _nervous around you. Stupidly feeling ways I shouldn’t for my fuck Buddy. Wanted you to see me as fun and free-spirited. Now I’m just embarrassing myself._

“You don’t need to explain yourself. It’s okay.”

Once it was clear nothing else was coming out, Bryce helped Suki drink from a glass of water, and briefly left the room for her to pee.

Bryce was gentle as he ran a spare (unused) toothbrush around her mouth and directed her head to the sink each time to spit.

Suki wasn’t coherent enough to ramble all her apologies and thanks’, but she was so grateful. _Could this man stop being so amazing, please? I’m trying to stop being weird, here._

Eventually Bryce was able to help Suki into some of his pyjamas, somehow without looking at all. Seeing a very drunk naked girl is not the same, even if he had seen said girl naked many times prior. Then he helped her into bed and she collapsed against his pillow like a rag doll. He climbed into bed beside her, careful to keep his distance.

“Bryce…” she slurred, the sleep clear in her voice. “You’re a really great guy. I’m glad we’re…” Suki was going to say friends, but it felt wrong coming out of her mouth at that moment. “I’m glad I know you.”

“Yeah, I’m glad I know you too,” Bryce reached up a hand to stroke her cheek. She sighed into his hand, moving a bit cat-like.

“Since you wouldn’t fuck me, will you at least cuddle me?”

Bryce laughed. “Of course.”

“You are so great. So great. Great guy.” As she mumbled these words drunkenly it was clear the unconsciousness was taking over.

Bryce rolled towards her and cradled her into his chest, holding her tightly as though it had been a long time coming.

Bryce’s breaths came gently over Suki’s forehead. And after a few minutes, when he was sure she’d fallen asleep, he spoke ever so quietly.

“If only you knew what a screw up I was,” he muttered. Suki may have been drunk and spewing shit she wouldn’t sober, but her ears were working fine. And she would remember this in the morning. Despite the intoxication she knew such out of pocket words would be something she’d recall. She knew then to keep as still as she could, not alerting to him that she was awake or coherent.

—-

When Suki woke up, her pillow was hard. Her duvet was gripping her waist kind of tightly, too. As she nuzzled into the pillow her senses were invigorated with a sudden and familiar scent: suddenly most of the nights events clocked in her brain.

Sex with Bryce. Walk to convenience store. Accidental beef with drunk man. Damaged hand. Bryce stitching up said hand. Body shots. _Lots_ of body shots. Random blank moment. _Oh god_ \- throwing up in Bryce’s toilet. Being dressed by a closed-eye Bryce. Finally falling into bed. Those words.

_What the hell could he have meant by that last night? If only I knew what a screw up he was? As far as I’m concerned right now he’s an angel sent from above to deal with a problematically drunk Suki._

He was breathing gently beneath her, quiet noises at each exhale. She noticed as she listened to the rhythm of his heart, that her heart was beating in time with his.

Maybe she should’ve left. After all, she’d ended up causing a lot of trouble for Bryce. And, she’d stayed the night. Maybe if she left before he woke up it wouldn’t count that she’d broken the rule.

But before she could truly agonise over her decision, Bryce stirred, blinking awake and looking down at her.

“Hey,” he smiled. To Suki’s surprise his arm remained around her waist. _Okay, I’m surprised he doesn’t hate me. Then again, he wouldn’t be the type to be open about hating someone._

“Hey,” she replied quietly, looking up at him from his chest. “So… I was pretty drunk last night.”

“Yeah. I thought I was too and then you fell over. The decline was pretty quick after that.”

“I’m so sorry. That you had to see me like that, look after me, and then I hijacked your bed too… it wasn’t appropriate of me and it was unfair on you.”

“It’s okay, Suki. You’d do the same for me. We’re friends and making sure you’re okay and looked after is important to me,” he nodded sincerely before grinning and adding, “plus, now I have plenty of blackmail material.”

“God I was _awful_ wasn’t I?”

He chuckled.

_Oh shit_. “Did I say anything really bad? If I did please ignore it because I talk out of my ass when I’m drunk I’m sure it was utter nonsense.”

“If you did, I think I’ll keep it to myself.”

_Ughhhhh_. She groaned loudly and buried her face into his chest so that she didn’t have to see that stupid smirk. _Now my mind will race about what I could’ve said for the rest of time._

Suki actually felt like hitting Bryce as his large hand slowly soothed her back.

He had to stop doing so much for her, being so exemplary, because it was adding to a problem that had been brewing in Suki for a while. He’d comforted her in the supply closet twice, he’d looked after Tommy, he’d held her hair back while she was sick and let her stay the night, and he’d stitched up her wound so carefully and precisely. He’d even nearly beat up that guy for her.

Shit. Shit shit shit _shit_.

She’d broken her promise, because it wasn’t just about sex anymore. Truthfully, maybe it never was.

There was absolutely no way she could swing it any longer. Suki Moore liked Bryce Lahela. As more than a friend, more than a body. She was enamoured by him, and had no clue what to do about it.


	12. An Inconvenient Truth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki comes to terms with her feelings. Bryce opens up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OKAY SO if you don’t follow me on tumblr @lucas-koh you won’t have seen, but I had an amazing commission done of Bryce at Karaoke in chapter six! If you can please go and check it out❤️🥺 I’m in love
> 
> —-
> 
> **Chapter Song:**  
>  Do I Wanna Know (Live At The BBC) - Hozier

So. Denial hadn’t been working. At this point Suki had to admit to herself her crush on Bryce. She had no clue what to do. She should end it, right? It wouldn’t be fair on him. He hadn’t signed up for this and they’d made it pretty clear they didn’t want this to happen.

Suki hadn’t had feelings for anyone in such a long time that it had never seemed possible to her. She’d never dreamed she’d end up feeling some type of way for Bryce Lahela. The moment she felt that déjà vu she should’ve run for the hills. Maybe in hindsight the whole thing was a mistake, but it was too late now.

She was laying there in his bed, _on his chest_ , wearing his pyjamas. She definitely wasn’t doing herself any favours right at that moment.

She wanted to stay there forever, enveloped in his smell and his warm skin and the light breeze of his breaths on her forehead; the soft cotton of his pyjamas, the dizzying sensation of his arm on her waist.

But god, Bryce really hadn’t bargained for this. She had to get out of there before she drove herself crazy or overstayed her welcome. Or worse, drove him away. Because although it might not have been what was best for her after the revelation, all Suki wanted was to keep Bryce in her life.

“Thank you so much. Again. But I oughta get out of your hair.” She started to lift herself off him, dreaming up reluctance as his arm fell away from her.

“You don’t have to if you don’t want. You said you had today off too, right? You must be feeling pretty rough,” he chuckled.

“Thank you for offering but really. I should go home.” _Should more than you know. Should for my own sanity. Should because it’s the right thing to do when it was me who fucked up._

Bryce left her to it as she changed out of his pyjamas – slowly, she was hungover as hell – and back into the clothes that were strewn across Bryce’s kitchen.

“I’ll wash your underwear for you,” he offered, as they had been caught in the crossfire of her vomit. She could tell it was a serious offer despite the smug smirk painted on his face.

_Stop it! Stop it stop it stop it!_ “No, you won’t. I have a washing machine at home.”

She collected them from him in a plastic bag, _how embarrassing._

_Imagine making such a state of yourself? I’m twenty-fucking-eight years old and I drank too much because I was afraid to admit I might have some stupid schoolgirl crush on my fuck buddy? Have you ever seen anything more tragic? And now he’s fucking handing me my sick-soaked underwear in a plastic fucking bag. Like a fucking child. A child who threw up at school and had to go home early and get picked up by their mom. And now I can’t stop fucking cursing myself for putting myself in this position. If there was ever any moment at all that he maybe saw me as more than a fuck, that moment was lost now._

So Suki left, her head spinning and not just because of an asshole of a hangover.

Maybe it was just a temporary baseless infatuation. Maybe Suki shouldn’t have been jumping to such drastic measures…

So that - Suki’s denial and clinging on to the hope that she could find a way to continue this – was how Suki and Bryce ended up continuing to sleep together throughout the month of February. But the longer it went on, the more sure Suki was that this addicting feeling when she thought of him was sticking around. And it wasn’t fair on him.

She kept thinking about it, considering her options, making the excuse that she didn’t want to jump into the wrong decision. So yeah, she kept sleeping with him. And no, there was no way in hell Suki was admitting to Bryce that she was into him.

She’d been afraid to contact him after everything that had happened, the amount of embarrassment she’d caused for herself, but he was the one to reach out first. It surprised Suki that he even wanted anything to do with her after all that.

“How’s your hand?” He’d asked the first time since the incident, picking up her wrist and investigating the healing.

“It’s okay, it doesn’t hurt much any more.” The wound was scarring to scab and itch.

“It’s looking good.”

“I guess I have your skills to thank.”

“How many times have I told you?” He grinned, “I’m a talented guy.”

They’d become comfortable with one another, _really_ comfortable, and the friend part of friend with benefits could no longer be ignored.

Suki’s problem? Bryce was impossible to get a read on. She had absolutely no idea to tell if her newfound feelings were reciprocated, because he was a huge flirt to everyone. And Suki wasn’t one to take risks. So she didn’t say anything, assumed Bryce felt the same as he ever had for her.

She was right, of course, but not in the way she expected.

A few nights into the month Bryce texted:

**Scalpel Jockey** : *sigh* i should call her😉

Bryce’s text was accompanied by a selfie taken in front of his toilet, wide grin and thumb up. _So embarrassing. He’d been right about the blackmail thing, then. He wasn’t going to let the mess I was go._

**Santa Fe** : you’re not even using the meme right

**Scalpel Jockey** : well my toilet misses your mouth so be sure to come visit it tomorrow

**Santa Fe** : you think you’re going to get laid after reminding me of the most embarrassing night of my life?

_Over-exaggeration. But it honestly sort of felt that way._

**Scalpel Jockey** : of course I will😏

**Santa Fe** : nope

**Scalpel Jockey** :👀😌🤨

The next day,

**Santa Fe** : fine. see u soon.

—-

“Owwww somethings digging into my back!” Bryce yelped as he’d rolled away from Suki. He did some odd contortions to reach underneath himself and grab whatever was causing the grievance. “Suki, why the hell is your id badge in my bed?”

“Uh, maybe because you chucked it into the abyss a minute ago.”

He gave her a look with pursed lips. He rolled to his side facing away from Suki.

“Aww, you look so cute in this. All innocent and shit.”

“Give it back.”

“I mean it! Look at that little face,” he cooed, brushing the image with his thumb.

“It’s really not my best picture at all,” she groaned. What was it about ID card images which made them always turn out terrible? And then one is left with said image for potentially _years_ to come.

“Suki, this says your birthday is January 18th? You didn’t say anything?” He turned to face her.

“January was so busy, I wasn’t that fussed.”

“You should’ve said. I would’ve celebrated with you.”

“Birthday sex?” She laughed.

“No, like proper birthday stuff. Whatever you like doing on them. And then maybe some birthday sex,” he added with a smirk.

“Eh. It was fine, I just got takeout.”

Bryce tutted.

“When’s your birthday, then?”

Suddenly he looked bashful and uneasy. “Um. November 27th.”

“Oh my god. You’re an idiot.”

“Nah. I’m a Sagittarius,” he winked.

“I can’t believe you were trying to make me feel guilty for not mentioning my birthday when you didn’t either.”

“We actually spent it together. That day I looked after Tommy. I had a great time.”

“Oh.” He had to stop saying things like that. It was terrible for her heart. “I can’t believe you let me set a random kid on you for your birthday.”

“I said I had a great time didn’t I?”

And god Suki’s stomach was having a party, an anxiety-ridden, nerves-on-fire, doubt-clad, smitten-as-shit party.

—-

In no time at all It was Valentine’s Day. Not that Suki was paying any attention… or that she wanted to spend it with a certain god-like surgeon. She didn’t even need to mention it, the plan was just act like this was any other hookup. February 14th was just a day – the way we ascribe time only exists because of us; and therefore it’s just a normal hookup. Using existentialism to cure crush nerves? Surprisingly works.

**Santa Fe** : 👃

**Scalpel Jockey** : sorry sukes i’m sick🤒

Well. That was not what she was expecting.

But wait. What if he was faking? What if he knew it was Valentine’s Day and was worried Suki was trying to make a gesture and had to let her down easy?

Worse, what if he was spending Valentine’s with someone else? After all, they had agreed not to be exclusive. Shit. What if Bryce liked someone else?? She didn’t even think about it before and now she felt a bit sick. He was an insanely attractive guy – chances were even without time to meet people there would be plenty at the hospital falling at his feet. There was no way he hadn’t been asked out for Valentine’s.

Those worries were quelled by another text, a picture of Bryce’s legs in his bed and the TV at the end playing something. There was a small bag full of used tissues.

_Bless him, he really is sick._

Suki knew what she had to do.

Clanging about in the kitchen she muscled up some veg-packed soup, a vegetable lasagne, and a vegetable stir-fry. She also blended a fruit smoothie. Then she packed everything into Tupperware and fit a couple of portions of each into an insulated container.

Suki marched over to Bryce’s with the insulated container full of her cooked meals and determination. _God, I’m a simp._

When she arrived she knocked hard so that he could hear. It was a couple of minutes before Suki heard footsteps, then they stopped (presumably for Bryce to look through the fish-eye) before Bryce creaked the door open.

“Suki. Didn’t you get my text, I’m sick I can’t-“ his voice was weak and croaky, slightly nasal – and he definitely sounded ill.

“I know. I’m not here for that. I bought you these,” she held up the insulated bag.

“What is it?”

“Food. Meals. Because you’re sick and you can’t cook. It’s just simple immune-boosting stuff,” she held out the bag for him to take.

He sniffed loudly and opened the door wider. “Come in.”

She was going to protest, but for some reason she didn’t. The plan was just to drop the food off, not to come in. But when faced with the opportunity Suki’s legs carried her subconsciously. When Bryce opened the door up for her she could see him closer. Dark bags under his eyes, greasy hair, chapped lips. He was wearing sweatpants (similar to the pair Suki had tucked away in her drawer at home from Christmas), and a cotton t shirt. He looked rough. Somehow, he was still the most beautiful man she’d ever met. And seeing him like this wasn’t off-putting at all, it just made her want to look after him. Be there for him. _Why am I willing to do so much for him? Liking people is a bit like giving away your soul, isn’t it?_

“You get back into bed and I’ll heat one of these up for you. They should still be mostly warm, anyway.”

“Sukes, I’ll be fine,” he said nasally. The nickname sent Suki’s organs into overdrive. Because here he was at his lowest, referring to Suki with an affectionate moniker and sounding like a melancholic song.

“I kind of owe you, remember?”

Bryce hummed a nod, too tired for much else, and slunk back into his bedroom.

Suki busied herself checking all the Tupperware’s – they were cool enough to go in the freezer by then so she put all bar one away. She heated that one for a few moments and transferred it into a bowl with cutlery, planted that on a tray, and brought it through to Bryce.

He was in bed as Suki had instructed, old reruns of _Criminal Minds_ playing on his TV. He smiled weakly when he saw her enter with the tray of soup.

“Thank you,” he said as she placed the tray on his lap.

“No problem.”

He took a spoon of soup and gulped it down gently. Then he turned to Suki, who was now perched lightly on the edge of his bed facing him.

“I’m not good with… seeming weak,” he said, looking at Suki intensely.

“You don’t need to worry about that. It’s only me. I vomited in your toilet.”

“ _Exactly_ ,” he muttered, and when Suki was about ask what he meant he carried on, “this soup is amazing.”

They sat in silence with only the sounds of the TV as Bryce worked his way through the bowl of soup. Suki was too nervous to ask what he’d meant.

“Thank you,” he said as he finished the bowl. She took the tray from him and took it back through to the kitchen, washing everything up for him. She returned to Bryce’s room, noting beads of sweat on his forehead. Going into Bryce’s en-suite, Suki found a washcloth and soaked it with some cold water before giving it a squeeze.

When she returned to Bryce’s side she gently dabbed the washcloth over his hot forehead. He looked up at her, vulnerable, exhausted – very un-Bryce. She was ever so gentle as she dabbed the cool cloth over his skin. Then Bryce reached up and held onto her wrist weakly with his hand.

“Why are you doing all this?”

“Like I said, I owe you. I was hard work that night at yours.”

He seemed to accept this answer, and gulped a little as he let go of her wrist. She pulled the cloth from his forehead for a moment.

“I’m still nervous,” he croaked.

“About?”

“You seeing me like this. It’s not exactly sexy.”

Suki’s nosiness was getting the better of her, and she knew now would be a good time to strike since there’d been an opening.

“The whole… weakness thing – that’s why you were weird about the surgery?”

“Yeah. Yeah it is,” he sighed, looking at Suki as though weighing up his options. He seemed to come to a decision and continued: “I already went through struggles with self doubt. My parents fucked up my whole belief in myself - it’s why I overcompensate now. It’s why I took the surgery thing so hard, I felt myself doubting my abilities. Well it was more like – less that I was actually doubting myself, because I know I’m good, and more that I was worried I _would_ start doubting myself.”

“Yeah, that totally makes sense.” Suki was surprised he was opening up to her like this. She noticed how he mentioned his parents, but she’d let him get there when he was was ready.

“I’m sorry for not telling you at the time.”

“It’s okay, I wasn’t owed the story. So what really happened? You got kicked off because of karaoke?”

“Uh, the other surgical interns kind of have it out for me.”

“What?”

“Well… everyone liked me at first. You know, I’m a likeable guy,” he flashed a grin, a ghost of his normal megawatt smile, “but I think once they saw how competent and determined I was that changed fast.”

“Jealousy,” she scoffed, “So that’s why you don’t hang out with them any more?” Suki remembered how he’d avoided them at Halloween.

“Yeah. And there was a group of them spreading shit from the start about me, dangerous rumours that could get me fired. Saying I drink on the job, I have *ahem* sexual relationships with my patients, that I’m a terrible surgeon and only made it here because of my parents money which is...”

“Your parents are well off?”

Bryce’s jaw tightened. “Yeah, uh, people found out about who my parents are too.”

“Who are they?”

“Another time,” he bit his lip as though unsure, concern as he looked into Suki’s face.

“Okay- drinking at work, sex with patients? Where the hell did those come from?”

“Well I keep a few condoms in my locker, for you, that can’t have looked great after the accusations. I don’t know shit about the drinking. I guess it just sounded bad and anyone who has had out it for me just wants me to look incompetent.”

“Those fucking dicks.”

Bryce shrugged. “It shows I’m a major threat,” he gave her a smug grin but his heart wasn’t quite in it. “So all that stuff got relayed back to Dr Emery and the karaoke the night before was apparently the last straw. She didn’t want to take the risk in case it was true and gave my surgery to Ben.”

“Ben, huh?” She asked, a sudden iciness in her tone. _Like, Ben ‘you like her?’ Ben? Digging into Bryce’s private life Ben?_

“Yeah, he’s another intern - you probably don’t know him.”

_Maybe not. But I’m about to._

“I know some Ben’s… what’s his last name?”

“White.”

“Oh no, I don’t know him,” Suki smiled sweetly, dabbing Bryce’s head with the flannel again. She’d gotten the information she needed.

Bryce chuckled weakly. “I told you.”

“Sorry.”

“Yeah so, obviously Dr Emery investigated it all after that and realised that none of it was true. But by then I’d lost it anyway. The damage was done, you know? Sorry, I know I sound a bit ‘woe is me’.”

“Not at all. You can talk to me, seriously. Friends – remember? I’m so sorry you had to go through that.” _And angrier than I’m letting on_.

“I suppose I owe you an apology too. For shutting you down and running away when you tried to ask me about it. I’m just- it’s- I like being That Guy, you know? The one who’s got his shit together. The one who’s the expert surgeon. Who doesn’t let things phase him. Laughs everything off. The one who’s amazing in bed,” he looked at her with a look that was, if Suki didn’t know any better, nervous. _God, it’s so weird seeing him like this. But my heart is completely breaking for him._

“If I’m-“ he continued, then seemed to change his mind, “what you need from me wasn’t that, so I didn’t want to mess things up.”

“By being human? You could never,” she smiled as she bought the flannel back to his face, but it was more an excuse to stroke her finger over his cheek comfortingly. Bryce’s eyes seemed to shut involuntarily and he moved into her touch, just letting it be for a while. He was still hot, but had a bit more colour to his face, so Suki felt she had helped at least a little.

_Fuck. I like you so much._

This definitely wasn’t helping her whole predicament, because each word he’d said to her, each touch, each look on his face – and she was a puddle on the floor. Overwhelmed with the ache she felt in her chest at the whole situation. That something as ridiculous as jealousy – between people who’s job it was to help others for gods sake – had put Bryce in such a spin. And it seemed to her that losing the surgery was bad for him, but the way that affected his confidence and how he felt he had to be around her – that seemed to have affected him more.

He was too proud.

And she cared for him too much to be okay with seeing him like this.

Suki must’ve been cradling Bryce’s face longer than she’d realised, because he eventually started snoring quietly. His eyebrows now flattened on his face and looking more at peace than he had since she’d arrived. She was careful when removing her hand and placing a pillow up under his head. She placed a gentle kiss to his forehead, brushing against the cool damp area she’d been dabbing. Then she snuck into his bathroom to fill up a glass of water and collect some aspirin, leaving them on his bedside table for him before escaping his apartment.

Suki was on a mission, fuelled by affection and anger.


	13. Magnifier of Trifles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki is reeling from the information Bryce told her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> Follow You - Bring Me The Horizon

Suki was heading into Edenbrook for her evening shift, and was on her mission. All the patients she had got her utmost care, of course, but in the back of her mind the anger kept finding its way back to her.

When she finally got a small break, she didn’t have time to double think this. She strutted up to the reception, and addressed a man stood there waiting for something. It was Dr Tanaka. Perfect. _Just the man I was looking for._

“Hi, I’m looking for a surgical intern – I wonder if you might be able to help me?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

“The name is Ben White? Any idea where I can find him?”

“Yeah, I’ve just seen him leave to grab some food, you might be able to catch him if you hurry.”

Suki thanked the surgical resident and hurried through the double doors. _Friends do this, right? Of course they do._ But honestly, Suki didn’t have enough time to overthink like she usually would. That might’ve been the problem. Blind anger.

There he was, large and muscular, pearly white teeth shining against his neat stubble. _Oh come on,_ this guy even looked like a prick. He was leaning against a far-too-clean black BMW, playing with a cigarette. Stood next to him was a tall, thin man Suki recognised. Fred from the housewarming party. Harvard Fred who wouldn’t stop bragging.

She was seething just looking at them. Much like the way Bryce’s protective mode switched on before, Suki had a switch in herself to defend people she cared about. And that version of Suki delayed her embarrassment, so in the moment she was fierce.

“Hey!” She called over to them sternly. Ben grinned as he saw her, Fred looked a little less happy. He must’ve recognised her.

“Hey. Do I know you? I’d like to.”

Suki chuckled dryly. “You definitely don’t. What the fuck is your problem?”

“What?” His face appeared as though he’d just been slapped: utterly confused and a little defensive.

“Bryce Lahela. Why the fuck are you trying to wreck his career?” Suki moved forward, squaring up to Ben. He raised his eyebrows at the name and his features seemed to settle into understanding, and absolutely no shame.

“Hm. Interesting,” Ben laughed as he regarded her. Suki ignored him and carried on.

“You do realise we’re doctors yeah? Not elementary school kids? Throwing a hissy fit because you didn’t get your way is the most pathetic thing I’ve ever seen.”

“Woah, girl. I’m not sure you know what you’re talking about, here.”

“Oh I know exactly what I’m talking about. You spread some completely baseless accusations against Bryce just so you could get given a surgery? Like you wouldn’t have gone on to do surgeries at some other point? You needed the ego boost _that_ bad?”

“Who the fuck even are you?” He asked, now getting angry.

“Your worst fucking nightmare,” she spat the swear with a harshness she hadn’t expected. Suki moved to shove Ben but Fred held an arm out to stop her. She shoved Fred’s hand out of the way instead. They were both much taller than her, but she felt about ten feet. “You do realise I _am_ going to be telling all of this to Dr Emery?”

“You have no proof.”

“Then I’ll find some. Should be easy. I often find people who lack compassion also lack brains.”

Fred looked between the two of them, seeming to make a decision, before speaking:

“We just heard it from someone else. They’re the one you should be having a go at.”

“You’re not getting off the hook, dick. Who’s spreading the shit, then?”

“A medical intern. Dr Olsen.”

The name rang a bell in Suki’s head, but she couldn’t figure out where from. Not much was going on up there aside from ‘Bryce’ and ‘angry’.

“Details.”

The two men looked between each-other, hesitant. After some non-verbal communication, Ben spoke up again:

“He told us all this shit about him, and quite frankly it was annoying seeing this guy waltz in and steal the top spots. He’s so fucking smug.”

_Yep, but he’s my smug douche._

Fred jumped in: “so we just told other people about what we heard. We weren’t expecting it to get back to Dr. Emery.”

“That’s a steaming pile of bullshit and you know it. Admit what you did and maybe I’ll leave you alone.”

Fred looked over to Ben again, asking a question with his eyes.

“Fine. We did intend for it to get to the top level. But you can’t really blame us we-”

But unfortunately for Fred his excuses were cut off by Suki’s fist making contact with his nose.

“Aw, fuck!” He yelped, trying to stem the blood rushing from his nostrils.

“Jesus?!” Ben shouted, trying to help Fred in his failed attempts to block his nose.

“Don’t be a dick and you won’t get punched.”

“I think you’ve broken it!”

“Well, guess what? There’s a hospital right fucking there,” Suki motioned behind her. “One that if I had it my way you wouldn’t be working at. Wasting your fucking time making up stupid rumours over petty jealousy when there’s lives to save. Grow up.”

“Lady I don’t know what-”

“If you’ll excuse me,” she raised her voice over Ben’s, “I’ve got to speak to Dr Emery. There’s some misdemeanours to report.”

She swung on her heel and started stalking back to the hospital, the adrenaline coursing through her like fire. She couldn’t even feel the hand she’d used to punch because it was all just everywhere.

“It’s you, isn’t it,” Ben called from behind her.

“What?” She spun on her heel.

“You’re fucking him.”

“What the hell has that got to do with anything?”

But Ben just laughed. Threw his head back and laughed like a maniac. Suddenly a chill ran through Suki. What the hell?

“Bitches never learn their place,” he called. _Oh hell no._ Suki felt the wind swoop past her as she stomped back over to Ben, but hands were on her shoulders pulling her back.

“Suki!” The voice behind her said, swivelling her around to face them and ushering them back towards the hospital. “What the fuck was that?”

It was Jackie, her arm warm around Suki’s shoulders.

“I’m so fucking pissed.” Suki spat. Jackie, as unused to this angry, impulsive Suki as anyone would be, flinched.

“Yeah, I can see that. But why?”

Suki didn’t reply until they were safely back inside and tucked away in the ladies’ toilets.

“Those guys, they spread shit around about Bryce to try and wreck his reputation.”

“What the fuck.” Jackie’s voice raised pretty much straight away.

“Yeah. Bad shit, too. He got a surgery taken away from him because of it.”

“Why would they do that?”

“They said he was annoying and someone slipped them the secrets. That are so fucking unfounded it’s rid-”

“Who?”

“What?”

“Who slipped the secrets?”

“I don’t know. A Dr Olsen.” As she said this, a lightbulb flicked on above Suki’s head.

Jackie was giving her a furious look.

“Dr Olsen. Landry fucking Olsen.”

“No fucking way,” Jackie spat. “We’ve gotta go back on shift. But meet me when it’s over. We’ll poison this _rat_. No one fucks with Bryce Lahela’s friends.”

As she left Jackie gave a comforting squeeze to Suki’s shoulder. Suki was relieved that Jackie was as angry as she, because it meant Suki wasn’t overreacting or overstepping. Jackie was Bryce’s best friend, so Suki was fine. She wasn’t doing anything wrong.

She turned to the bathroom mirror and inspected the flushed, windswept look she had. She looked angry. Scary. And then she noticed red. Her hand was bleeding. Shit. Of course it had to be the other hand to before too, just as that was starting to heal. There was no telling if it was her blood, Fred’s, or both. She ran it under some cold water to clean it.

And now that she was alone and her plan had happened, everything sunk in. Suki finally thought about it all. And fuck was she regretting everything. She watched as the blood pooled around the drain, diluting through a pink. The same pink she felt to her core. _Embarrassed_. Had she seriously just shouted at two guys, punched one of them and nearly punched the other? If Jackie hadn’t turned up when she had, Suki was worried for what she might’ve done. _Can I just crawl into a hole? Because I’m questioning every single moment of that interaction._

She kind of felt bad about it. There was no way he could’ve seen that coming, and the look of surprise on his face…

But there was still lots of lingering anger. The fact they’d done that to Bryce could’ve never been something she was okay with. And really, there was probably no other way that would’ve ended. Even if she wished it hadn’t happened.

Not to mention the general sense of unprofessionalism and the waste of time and resources.

There was no way what she did could look even remotely casual. _She fought some guys for fucking with Bryce._ For the patients too, of course, but the first thought had been for Bryce. To fuck with them for fucking with him. And the idea of Bryce’s rejection because of that was what made her feel rotten to her very core, above even her arch-enemy: embarrassment. It wasn’t that she expected him to like her back, it was that, if she had really crossed a line, they wouldn’t even be friends any longer. _That_ was the issue. She didn’t care in what capacity Bryce was in her life (okay, she did care, but-), she just needed him to be a part of it.

Just there with that stupid smug grin and everything that she hadn’t been able to stop thinking about for a while now.

And when Bryce found out, because inevitably he would, Suki had not even the slightest clue how he might react. Guilt began to sink in. She started convincing herself she’d made the wrong decision. What if he never forgave her? She didn’t think she’d be able to live with that. They might have only known one another for five months, but it felt like he’d flipped everything upside down, and if he went, she wouldn’t be able to set it back the right way up again. He was the only one who knew the right placement.

She looked back down to the sink, the water now running clear, and the faucet squeaked as she turned it off. Now that the overthinking and the anxiety were setting in, so was the pain. Her knuckles stung where the blood was starting to clot over and had stopped dripping. It didn’t look so bad now. She sighed at her reflection, now less angry and more forlorn. Dishevelled. But she really had to get back to work – people needed her help, not for her to be wallowing in self pity in the bathroom.

She left and went to grab some bandaging from a supply closet, making sure she was fit to use her hand. _Well done Suki, fucking up both hands in a matter of weeks. Both from defending Bryce._

Luckily for Suki – maybe as some kind of cosmic payback for all the shit – her shift went by smoothly enough. No one asked after the bandaging on her hand, which she figured was very much for the best. She assumed Fred was probably somewhere getting his nose looked at. As it came to its end and the early hours of the morning crept in, lashings of gold and pink shooting across the sky, Suki felt she could finally let out a large exhale.

If you asked Suki, there was always a calmness and grounding found in sunrises.

Jackie caught up to her just outside the hospital.

“Hey, everything go okay?” She asked.

“Yeah, it was okay, you?”

“I’ve been trying to not be so obviously fuming, I’m hoping it paid off,” she sighed, then looked down and noticed Suki’s hand, “did you make yourself bleed? Shit, Suki. I didn’t even see the punch I just figured Fred was making a fuss over nothing.”

“It’s fine, really. Just a bit of bleeding.”

“So, you still wanna do this?”

“Yeah. I don’t wanna do _this_ again though,” she held her hand up, “but I think I’m calmer now.”

They were able to find Landry having just arrived for his shift. When they asked to talk to him he obediently weaselled into that spot under the stairs Suki had spoken to Bryce in before Christmas. It seemed she couldn’t stand there and not see in her eyes Bryce standing there laughing at her.

“We heard some stuff, Landry,” Jackie began.

“S- stuff?”

“Yeah, like, you spread some completely false rumours about our friend.”

It took a lot of denial and many retorts in a tiring back-and-forth until Landry couldn’t lie about it any longer.

“So, why?” Jackie asked, her voice cool but angry.

“You replaced me with him.”

_What? The. Fuck._

“Replaced? Landry, we barely know you. We went for drinks _once_ ,” Suki’s tone and demeanour was far calmer than it had been before.

“Yeah, and It would’ve been more if that jerk hadn’t swooped in with his shots and got under all your skins. Especially you, Suki. The way you were staring at him when he danced with you? It was shameful.”

Suki took in a sharp intake of breath and scoffed, holding out a hand to stop Jackie from whatever she’d moved to do. Level-headed Suki was so much better in a conflict. If he’d said that when she was raging she definitely would’ve had to add his name to the list of casualties.

“Okay you dickwad, I’m only gonna say this once. You could’ve completely wrecked someone’s career because of what? Jealousy over people you barely knew? We don’t like you. We don’t want to spend time with you. Showing Bryce up as some awful surgeon so you could swoop in was never going to work, _he’s too good._ Go and do the thing you’re actually meant to be wasting your energy on – saving lives. Because cooking up this plan cost more than Bryce; it cost the people he wasn’t able to perform on, it cost the patients you weren’t focusing on because your delusional revenge was your priority. We’re doctors, stop acting like a fucking child.”

“I’m not even going to bother,” Jackie seethed, before tugging on Suki’s sleeve and dragging them away from the slimy snake.

Jackie and Suki ranted the entire way home, unable to digest how ridiculous the entire thing was.

After work and Suki had cooled down a little, it was around 11am and she decided to go check up on Bryce. Maybe a slight part of it was guilt-related.

She rapped her knuckles on the door, wincing as she realised she’d used the wrong hand. _Damn dominant hands._

But, whatever. Bryce was the focus.

He opened up to her, still looking pretty snotty and rough, but perhaps a tad brighter than yesterday.

“Hey, sorry I fell asleep,” he croaked, running his hand down his face as he left the door wide open for Suki to enter. She followed in after him.

“Don’t be sorry, I’m glad you got some rest.”

“Did you, uh, forget something here or-?”

“I came to check on you. And I guess now I’m here I should heat up a meal for you.”

“Can’t stay away?” He grinned, a little weakly, but the Bryce charm was there.

“Hey, you let me in,” she joked.

“I’m not sure I want soup for breakfast.”

“It’s nearly lunch!”

“Then I’ll wait.”

Bryce followed the same pattern as yesterday, slinking off into his bedroom as instructed by her while Suki prepared his food, then she served it to him again, and watched _Criminal Minds_ as he slurped down the soup.

But she wasn’t really watching. Her head was racing. Bryce was sitting right next to her unaware that she’d overreacted over something that wasn’t her business. She was just glad she hadn’t been a tell-tale and gone to Dr. Emery yet. Because ultimately that was Bryce’s decision. _As confronting the guys should’ve been._

She kept feeling like she should tell him. But she couldn’t. She’d worked herself up too much into thinking she’d really fucked up, and she didn’t want him to find out. To hate her. Think she was too clingy.

_He’s gonna find out. He is. And then he’ll never talk to me again._

“Sukes?” He was gently shaking her arm.

“Huh?”

“You kind of went off in your own little world there,” he laughed gently, “I just said thank you for the soup. _Again_.”

“Oh yeah, of course.” She bit her lip, frustrated that she was so obviously unable to hide her emotions. Bryce could tell something was up. “Here, I’ll take this through for you.”

“Suki. You’ve done enough, don’t worry.”

_Maybe, but I owe you. And I might be feeling pretty guilty. Above all that, I want to do this for you, I care for you a lot._

She simply smiled and took his tray through to the kitchen and washed it all up.

When she returned to Bryce’s bedroom, he’d turned on his side, his head still slightly elevated but looking at his phone as opposed to the TV.

Suki stood somewhat awkwardly in the doorway. She wasn’t really sure where to go from here.

“You can come sit,” he offered, pulling back the covers a little to create a space for her. She nodded lightly and perched on the edge, legs hanging off the side but face turned to Bryce.

“Thanks.”

“So you’ve not slept all night.”

“How’d you know that?”

“It was pretty obvious you’d come straight from a shift. And your eye-bags are huge,” he teased, despite the fact he was still quite weak.

She shook her head affectionately, and tried to focus her attention on the TV.

“You should get some sleep,” pressed Bryce.

“Yeah, you’re right. I’ll get going-”

Bryce coughed, and it felt like it wasn’t for cold reasons. “You don’t need to go…”

She smiled at him, her heart aching. If only he knew what he was doing to her. She swiped some hair from his face with her un-bandaged hand, moving a little closer subconsciously.

“I think I do,” she whispered sadly, unable to pull her gaze away from Bryce’s, his lips, or pull her hand from his cheek.

“You probably shouldn’t kiss me. You don’t wanna catch these germs,” he laughed weakly.

“Who told you I was gonna kiss you?”

“Your eyes,” he sighed wistfully.

“Oh, funny!”

He bit his lip, like he wanted to say more. Suki cocked her head a little, saying nothing until he did.

“Then again, you’ve been close to me. You’ve probably already caught it…”

“Yeah, I mean, I’m in your bed right now.”

“Your choice, but it’s not my fault if you kiss me and get sick,” he smirked.

_Fuck it._

She leaned forward, letting her lips hover above his in case he changed his mind. But he didn’t move. She pulled his bottom lip into her mouth delicately like it was made of glass, but he responded with more force. That familiar feeling of his lips on hers but also foreign. She placed her hand on his chest to keep him from overexerting himself, taking control to keep the kiss slow and gentle. So what if she got sick. So. Fucking. What.

Perhaps there was something to do with the fact that she’d finally admitted to herself that she liked him, or the fact that he was ill and all she wanted was for him to be okay, or the way that his lips pressed to hers desperate for more which she couldn’t give him; but that kiss was intoxicating like no tequila had ever been.

Maybe this was it, maybe there _was_ something shared there. Suki was scared to be too hopeful, but it felt… voltaic. At _least_ hidden in subtext. He was kissing her like it meant something. And Suki was getting carried away again, so she reluctantly pulled apart.

“It’s different,” she breathed, a little narcotised from his lips.

“Different from?”

“I was just thinking about how different everything is. You know, since we had our first kiss back in September.” Maybe she sounded a little too nostalgic, but it was like word vomit.

“That wasn’t our first.”

_No way…_

“You… remembered?” She asked, dumbfounded, eyes widening and her hand frozen against Bryce’s chest.

Bryce looked a little bashful, at first not meeting her eyes, then fixing her with his deep, honest gaze. But Suki was so shocked, she continued to ramble:

“At first at the housewarming party I thought you must’ve remembered and you were just waiting for me to realise, but then when I mentioned it you were so vague.”

“Vague?” He simply said. God, there he went again. Suki was embarrassed and backtracked.

“I mean, you obviously don’t remember me from college. That’s why whenever I bring it up you avoid that subject. It’s fine, I get it.”

He inhaled deeply and shut his eyes tight. He sat up against his pillows, now taller than Suki. Then when he opened his eyes, there was honesty and vulnerability looking down at her.

“Of course I remembered you.”


	14. Everything Goes But The Memories Made

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki and Bryce discuss their past. Time is ticking on her secret.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song** :  
> When My Love Won’t Stick To You - Whitaker

“What?” She barely whispered, her head spinning. Bryce had just revealed to her that he remembered her from their college days when they’d shared a kiss once, drunk.

He looked nervous, afraid to continue, but he did.

“Truth be told, I always had a soft spot for you. You know when you just feel warm around someone, even if you barely know them? That’s how you made me feel. When I’d see you studying at the library with snacks and coffee splayed all around you, or when I’d see you at the hospital for lectures, it was always just a mental ‘hey, I know you’ and suddenly everything would feel okay. Seeing someone you recognise is really grounding, you know? Especially when there’s a distance and you don’t really know them. And I liked the competition of it all, that you were so smart and always number 1 but didn’t even know it was me at number 2, because you were so confident in your own abilities you didn’t need to look back. I wanted to be your friend, but you didn’t seem to have the time, so I let you be. And then you kissed me at that frat party and I thought, god, this is amazing. I didn’t think into it too much - college and all - but I have thought about it a lot since. And then when you crashed into me on our first day at Edenbrook, at first I didn’t know who you were. You look different, you know. It’s been like, seven years, after all, it wasn’t until I saw your name tag that it hit me. Why you’d felt so familiar. But I wanted to wait until you recognised me too, if you even did. And then when you _did_ , I got nervous, and tried to ignore it.”

_Holy shit. He… he really remembered me. Not even just from the kiss, either, he remembered me before that._

Suki stammered a little before the words came out, “…Bryce… I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just say?”

“Honestly? I was embarrassed that you didn’t recognise me to begin with. More so, I was embarrassed that I’d known you and recognised you and always thought about you every now and then and you hadn’t,” he said. “I guess it felt sort of… creepy?”

“Wow…” was all she could stifle out. She was at a loss for much more.

Bryce had remembered her, for all this time. Things felt like they were looking up, the way he’d opened up to her and finally told her the truth. Unfortunately, the altercation with Fred and Ben wouldn’t stop nagging at the back of Suki’s brain.

“…sorry,” Bryce exhaled, rubbing his hand across his neck bashfully.

“No, I- don’t worry. I get it. It was just a kiss I’m sure you had loads, but it’s weird.”

“This is why- I didn’t want you to think I was weird.”

“No! Not you! I’m really glad I’m not forgettable,” she laughed lightly, “it’s weird that… oh god it’s going to sound ridiculous.”

“It can’t sound more ridiculous than what I just said. I won’t laugh,” he said, then twisted the corner of his mouth up into a grin, “maybe.”

She sighed, burying her head in her hands before coming out with it. “I guess it just feel like we keep being pulled together, like, i don’t know,” she felt her cheeks become seriously hot, “fate.”

Bryce had lied, because he burst out laughing, which then devolved into a coughing fit and had Suki patting him on the back. Maybe a little harder than she was meant to.

“Ow!”

“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Except she was laughing, too.

“I know, I know. You just looked funny. Honestly? I do see what you mean. All signs pointing to us ended up here,” he gestured between them, sat facing each-other in his bed.

Maybe this cosmic power she’d been cursing for all the early embarrassing encounters wasn’t so bad after all.

—-

Bryce and Suki talked for hours about college, and their stories, and people they knew in common. They laughed about how Suki didn’t even know Bryce sat near her in most lectures, and only knew him by his reputation.

A little later, after raking through Bryce’s Stanford yearbook and finding Suki in there, Bryce pulled out his high school yearbook.

“This is my senior photo. Just before graduation.”

Bryce was smiling up from the page, his golden tinged hair darker and shoulder length, and silver piercings shone from his ear, eyebrow, nostril, and lip. When Suki had known him he’d been piercing free.

“Oh my god! Why the hell did you stop looking like this for college? You know, I might’ve actually spoken to you if you’d looked like this.”

“Eh. I wanted to be taken more seriously. Why?”

“Don’t make me say it you dick.”

He nudged closer, smug all over his face. “What?”

“Because it looks good on you.”

“So I don’t look good like this?” He motioned down his body, which might’ve been sexy if he was in better shape. Well, as in his cold. His physique was perfect…

Suki gave him an affectionately knowing smile, “of course you do. I like the way you look very much,” she nodded. Then when Bryce’s face lit up she added: “but you’re not going to catch me saying that again anytime soon, okay? Your ego is big enough.”

Bryce moved to get up from the bed, “look, I’m just going to the piercing shop I won’t be long-“

Suki pulled him back down to the bed with a laugh, “Bryce! Although I wouldn’t oppose I’m not sure you’d be allowed in surgeries looking like metal face.”

“It would make things interesting though…”

“What?”

“A lip ring. Maybe a tongue ring. Imagine the kissing, or me going down on you…”

“ _Bryce_.”

“What! Don’t tell me you wouldn’t consider it.”

“You are not getting any action while you’re sick.”

He leaned closer to her in the bed, “I got you to kiss me.”

She sighed and pulled the back of her hand up to check his temperature. Before she got there however, he took it from her.

“What’s this?” He brushed a finger lightly across her fingers, by the edge of the bandaging.

_Ah, crap. This guy really does make me lose my mind. I’d forget my name if I spent too long around him._

“Work casualty,” she tried to laugh nonchalantly and pull her hand back to his forehead to seem normal. But he brought it back down to inspect it. His brow furrowed as he tried to decide what was under the gauze, and then he used one of his hands to grab Suki’s other one. He turned this one so that the palm was facing up and the scars from the month before were visible; standing paler than her skin tone right in the centre.

He held each hand in his own like they were feathers, opposite directions up.

“Does it hurt?” He asked, moving his thumb as if about to graze over the scars, asking permission.

“No, go ahead.”

He followed the neat shape of the puckered skin with the pad of his thumb, as gentle as he had been when he’d stitched it. Suki’s hand felt cold under his touch, the sensation on her scar able to feel each fingerprint dragging over.

He dropped her scarred hand somewhat to the mattress, but still held it in his own, shifting their hands slightly so that it was more of a classic hand-hold.

Suki tried not to focus on the bolt of electricity coursing from that spot. She’d wanted to hold his hand for so long, and here he was holding it like it was no big deal. His thumb ran up and down her skin in a soothing motion.

He turned his attention to the other, biting his lip as he looked.

“Whatever caused this, it’s gonna have to answer some questions.”

“It was just, uh, slammed it in the double doors. Those are heavy,” she cleared her throat, hating every fibre of herself for lying.

“Stupid door.” He brought his face down to the bandaged hand and placed a featherlight kiss to the top of her knuckles, “I’m a surgeon, I have magic kisses.”

“Oh dear,” she laughed, a little breathless and trying to seem light and uncaring, “did you take some medicine this morning? I think it’s kicking in.”

He chuckled, almost back to his usual Bryce chuckle, “but,” he cleared his throat, clearly gearing up to make a cheeky comment by the smirk on his face, “if I had a tongue piercing, my kisses really would be magic.”

“Oh my god,” Suki couldn’t help but laugh at him.

As they laughed together on Bryce’s bed, hands tangled together and bodies close, Suki truly felt happy. Like things really could work out for her. For _them_. And Suki was having an amazing time just being with Bryce.

The only problem was the albatross hanging around her neck.

—-

The next thing Suki knew, she was waking up in Bryce’s bed. He was sat beside her, scrolling through his phone.

She blinked her eyes a few times to make sure she was seeing things right, and moved to sit up.

“I… fell asleep?” She asked groggily, causing Bryce to turn to face her. He smiled when he saw her.

“Yeah. I figured I should just let you, you seemed pretty tired.”

She realised she must’ve fallen asleep when Bryce had been searching for some Stanford pictures, because that was the last thing she remembered.

She sighed, “you should’ve woken me.”

“Nah, you were working all night.”

_And getting into it with your colleagues…_

She sighed again and bit her lip, figuratively and physically.

“You really should’ve woken me,” she whispered, unable to handle Bryce treating her like this knowing she’d stuck her nose where it didn’t belong.

He smiled back at her, she could see in his face that he knew something was up.

“You’re fine. It’s what friends do.”

“ _Bryce_.” She felt like she was sighing his name a lot these days, and not in the way either of them liked the most.

He twisted his face up into a grin and Suki noticed his eyes were much brighter now, “Suki.”

She rolled her eyes, but she was terrible at hiding her guilt. She had to get out of there, because if Bryce was the one trying to alleviate it she’d feel even worse. She started to shift in the bed, but Bryce reached an arm out over her waist.

She just sort of lay there shocked as he shifted over closer to her, putting his torso over hers.

“At least let me try and kiss away some of those frown lines. If I remember correctly, it’s one of our benefits,” he smirked, hell-bent on making her feel better and in turn making her feel even worse. She couldn’t kiss him and feel like it was okay, because even that, even what was happening at that moment, felt like overstepping and taking it too far and Suki knew that it was on her. She was the one who caught feelings, who started blurring the lines and the rules and taking liberties where possible. She was the one unable to tell Bryce the truth. About her feelings or about her meddling.

But she also knew they were on borrowed time, and this might be the last chance she had to kiss him.

So she put as much as she could into it as she pulled his face to hers, hands on his cheeks and feeling the soft skin with a little bit of stubble beginning to come through, committing it to memory. Her lips pressed to his slowly but definitely, making sure each inch of herself was tied to him. With the kiss her head was filled with every other kiss they’d shared: at college, in the supply closet, at the housewarming party, and the many since. He wasn’t trying to force more like he had earlier, he seemed to be savouring it as much as she was, his lips sweet and slightly chapped but so familiar and Suki felt at home.

Kissing him was that to her.

She felt her face scrunch up as she kissed him, praying to god this wasn’t the last time. His familiar citrus scent washed over her and she never wanted to stop kissing him.

Reluctantly, but knowing she had to, Suki pulled her mouth from Bryce’s. Her eyes were glued shut and her forehead lulled against his, feeling his hair tickle her skin and his hot breaths wash over her face.

“Woah…” he exhaled, speechless to say much more.

Bryce’s kindness and the fact that she liked him so ridiculously much just meant that Suki’s guilt kept growing and growing. She just knew this couldn’t last.

—-

A couple of days passed by and Suki had been bogged down with work again, and hadn’t been able to see Bryce since that day. He’d texted a couple of times and seemed to be on rising spirits, so she was pleased about that.

It was just, every time she thought about Bryce, she couldn’t help but think about what she’d done.

Or about how the clock was ticking down until he found out.

And it was.

Bryce was back to work that day, he’d told her, and she was filled with anxiety the entire time.

Suki was on her way home later that day, just about to enter her apartment building when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“We need to talk.” It was dark and low and every part of her went cold. She turned to face him, that face of her dreams stern and distant and everything she never wanted to see.

“Okay. There’s people home. We can go to the river.”

Bryce just nodded and started in the other direction.

Suki nervously followed behind him, afraid to catch up for she didn’t know what to say. Building in her chest were nerves and dread and like a hairline crack in her heart which she knew would expand soon enough.

She thought about the last time she saw him, the kiss they shared. How happy they’d been.

They came to the river as the sun was just setting, sparkling over the water like constellations. Bryce’s soft caramel skin was golden in the sunlight, the light reflecting in his eyes and Suki’s heart was put through a wringer just looking at him. Was this it? The last time she’d ever get to see him like this?

Suki searched her brain for ways to start, how to apologise, but Bryce beat her to it.

“Why, Suki?” It wasn’t anger, it was at a loss.

“Why what?” _Bad move, Suki. He knows. There’s no point still lying to him._

“Why did you meddle in my business?”

“Because they had no right to do what they did.”

“You’ve made it worse! Now they’re never going to leave me alone! I don’t _care_ about being liked I care about doing my fucking job! It was fine—it was over!” Bryce’s voice was now angry. Suki wasn’t sure which hurt worse. Or maybe they exacerbated each-other, like a hammer and a nail. The nail was the disappointment, and the anger just kept bruising it further into her chest.

“I- are you really pissed at me for standing up for you?” If she just let him know her intentions, maybe she could fix this.

“I’m pissed at you for going and stirring shit up! You crossed a line!”

“It wasn’t just me, Jackie was there too and I don’t see you yelling at her.”

“Well I’m not sleeping with Jackie!”

“What?” She spat.

“You-” his face scrunched up and she felt her heart scrunch with it, “you kissed me. Twice! Knowing you’d gone behind my back and disrupted things.”

“What did you mean you’re ‘not sleeping with Jackie’? Why does that mean we’re held to different standards?” She asked, her voice raised, ignoring his words because the truth hurt too much to say.

“And you didn’t tell me! You spent the entire day with me where you could’ve mentioned it and you didn’t even bother! I thought we were-” He ignored her too, but his voice halted like he couldn’t say what came next.

She couldn’t tell if his voice was breaking from the cold or the anger – but it was heartbreaking.

“No, I didn’t, because I had no clue how you’d react. And look! You’re so… mad,” as she said the last words her voice shook and it came out like a whisper. In fact, her hands started shaking too. Her eyes were beginning to blur from stinging tears welling at the bottom. She’d upset him – the last thing she ever wanted to do.

“You’re damn right I’m mad!” He yelled, and Suki flinched at the noise. “Your hand – you told me you shut it in a fucking car door! I saw his face Suki. You seriously _hit_ him? For some stupid petty rumours?”

“Yes, I hit him,” she could really feel the tears coming as she spoke firm and loud, “he could’ve fucked everything up for you.” And it was cloying with her words, when it came to Bryce, it seemed the anger couldn’t come without pain, too.

“He’s not the only one who fucked things up for me. I mean, you violated my trust,” he shook his head, his hair blowing in the light breeze, “I trusted you,” he said this quieter, and Suki got the impression he wouldn’t have been able to yell it. It was hurt.

“And I ruined that.” _I ruined everything. I’m so sorry. I’m sorry. I’ve never cared for someone like this._

“Yeah. You went behind my back on something I told you in confidence, and then lied to me about it. I feel so fucking—” he shook his head, at a loss for words. But he looked embarrassed.

“That wasn’t—I—just wanted to them to know how bad they fucked up! I was so mad that they did that to you.”

“It was months ago! It’s over, old news! And it was _my_ problem to solve.”

“Well you matter to me! Okay?” It came out like a sneeze she couldn’t hold back and her heart was beating more rapidly as soon as she said it. _Shit_.

Bryce’s expression then was completely unreadable. Suki had no idea what was going on in his head. He just looked at her like that for a few moments, her statement hanging in the air like cigarette smoke. And then Bryce finally came out with something.

“We’re _sleeping_ together Suki – what did you think you were doing?”

And her head was running like a machine; all cogs and whirring and sparks and clanging. The emphasis he’d put on that one word, and she knew where this was headed. Every bad dream, every nauseous predictive thought she’d had lately was laid out in front of her and coming true.

She didn’t want to ask her next question. But she had to. She _had to_. She knew it wouldn’t come out with any semblance of strength, but at this point, it didn’t really matter.

“So I _am_ just a body to you?” she whispered it with a heaviness which hung in the air. They both knew this moment was going to change everything. There was no going back from here.

Bryce stared at her steely-eyed and jaw clenched so hard it looked like it might pop. She wasn’t prepared for his next word. She never would be.

“Yes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I won’t be posting a stitches chapter next Friday since it’s Christmas Day and I won’t be online much!!! I’ll be back Jan 1st 2021❤️ Don’t hate me too much...


	15. Everything’s Coming Up Bryce’s

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look back with Bryce.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  Falling - Harry Styles

**Stanford University, August 2010**

Bryce’s head was spinning with all the information being bombarded on him. Everyone had told him college would be tough, but god was this a lot to take in. Complicated theory, tough assignments,  _ lots of pretty people _ . Bryce already knew he had the next few years jam-packed. Planner all filled up.

The girl in front of him was taking furious notes and it was giving him a headache. Maybe because he’d cruised through school with straight A’s, but the idea of taking notes like that at a welcome lecture was a little overkill for him.

As the lecture finished up, he watched her neatly pack away her notebook into her satchel, and stand from the rows. Pretty, sure, definitely pretty. He couldn’t deny that he was staring at her eyes and her lips and her body. But there was no way he’d get into her pants, he could tell. Too busy.

Yeah, maybe Bryce thought with his dick too much, but hey - that’s what college was for right?

**Freshman Year**

Bryce would be lying if he wasn’t seriously impressed with the girl who kept beating him to top student. Suki Moore, sitting in the lecture hall making love to her notebook with her pen. It was pretty entertaining to watch. And Bryce didn’t even feel the need to try and top her. Well, not in the rankings, anyway.

He made a habit of keeping track of the rankings, keeping track of how insanely smart this girl must’ve been. He liked watching her focus in lectures, sometimes he’d just look at her scrawling instead of taking his own notes.

His year went by smoothly, no hitches. He became popular and loved, guys and girls falling at his feet so often he didn’t even need to keep count anymore. He was thriving.

**Junior Year**

As he so often was, Bryce was at a frat party downing beers and doing the rounds. He was in the middle of a game of beer pong when his friend called out to someone to join.

_ Suki Moore. The stupidly smart girl on his course. This should be fun. _

__

They sunk a few balls and downed a few cups before their round came to a natural end.

__

“Hey, you okay? You sunk quite a few cups back there.” He walked up to her as she began to leave the table. He was curious that she was here. She’d always been curious to him. 

“No thanks to you.” She was more playful than he’d expected, but it suited her. “You! You’re in my anatomy class.”

_ She… knows me? Okay, definitely wasn’t expecting that. The girl barely looks at the people she sits next to in class, let alone around the room. _

__

“I’m very good at anatomy.”  _ Maybe not the best line, Bryce. Are you trying to get this girl or make her hurl? _

__

“I know, you’re veeeerrryy smart.”

Probably a good thing she didn’t notice.

“Not as smart as you,” he reached out a hand to brush across her jawline, to let her know his intentions.

She gulped a little and Bryce had the breath knocked out of him when she leaned in to kiss him. He  _ really _ hadn’t expected that. Had been anticipating making the first move, maybe having to flirt a little longer but… she was already putty in his hands.

After a really decent drunken kiss, Suki disappeared off into the night and that was the last Bryce saw of her.

**After**

For the rest of their time at college, Bryce and Suki didn’t speak again. Just one night in the sea of their four years together. He’d see her around of course; at the library, in class, walking through campus. It was nice to see a friendly face. But she didn’t pay any attention, and he didn’t even want her to – it was just a nice feeling to recognise someone. He knew she probably didn’t even remember the kiss, and he didn’t mind. It would be his little secret among his many hookups.

He liked seeing her study, it was comforting. She’d sit there with piles of coffee cups and notes, tapping her middle finger against her nose in some kind of nervous fidget.

On occasion over the following five years, he’d be reminded of the girl he’d shared a kiss with, in the way that one is of these things. Weirdly comforting.

When a girl bumped into him in the changing rooms on his first day of internship, he was amused and attracted to her. She felt familiar, but he couldn’t place it. It wasn’t until she stood next to him for the welcome speech and he caught a glimpse of her badge that his brain went a little into overdrive. First off he was surprised she was here, of all the hospitals in all of America, she ended up having her internship at the same as him. Second he was honestly a little frustrated that he didn’t recognise her at first, not in the way of putting a face to a name.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” She’d asked. And Bryce wasn’t ready to tell a practical stranger they’d made out at a party once almost ten years prior. It was a bit embarrassing that he’d remembered and she hadn’t.

“I don’t know, do you?”

_ Let her figure it out herself. _

__

That didn’t mean Bryce wasn’t utterly intrigued. She seemed more receptive to talking to him, more open to possibilities than he’d ever seen her be at college. Heck, she was asking him questions now. Like she’d grown into herself. So yeah, he was going to see what she was about. Maybe he owed it to his 18-year-old self.

Flirting with Suki came ridiculously easy to him. Dancing with Suki felt ridiculously easy. What didn’t feel easy was letting her leave at the end of the night.

What was hard was seeing Suki crying in a cupboard. All he wanted was for her to be okay. He hoped he did all he could, let her know he was there for her – even if they barely knew one another.

So yes, he was hesitant when she kissed him – she had just been crying after all – but then? Then he was addicted and speechless. She’d made the first move again, and shit he might’ve been a little lost. Kissing her was amazing, not to mention hot as hell. It was a thousand times better than the first time. If this was all he was getting of Suki Moore he was going to take as much as possible. He kissed her with all those words he’d wanted to say to her.  _ Maybe I want to do this more, do you remember me? I remember you. I’m glad I met you again. I’m glad I’m getting the chance to meet you properly. Kiss me more. Kiss me harder. Don’t stop kissing me. _

__

But of course, they were interrupted. And despite Bryce’s objections the moment was over. And Bryce was more than a little scared that that meant the whole thing was over. Just as it had been before. A kiss, and then they’re done.

His fears felt confirmed when his flirty looks and winks in the corridor had no response.

__

But it wasn’t over yet. She still hadn’t recognised him – maybe she never would, but he wanted to see if she did. Jackie invited him to the housewarming party, and he knew that was his opportunity to explore things further.

And then the unexpected happened. She recognised him. No more unsure questions or doubtful looks, talks of déjà vu or asking about his past – she’d recognised him all on her own.

And suddenly Bryce was frozen on the inside. He wasn’t ready to admit it. For whatever reason, Bryce didn’t want her to know he remembered her. So he did what he always did, deflected and flirted.

It was his turn to make the move now. Kissing her that night was a turning point. It was desperate, wanted. That kiss had no pretence. Sleeping with her was a dream. Every time she took off a piece of clothing or gave him those eyes or rolled her body into his—he had to metaphorically pinch himself. 

He couldn’t help but laugh at his 18-year-old self who’d never imagined this was possible. Because there he was, pushing himself into her and losing himself in her kisses and the sounds she was making.

Waking up next to her, seeing how pretty she looked barely awake – that was the cherry on top of it all. Riling her up, getting her embarrassed – he  _ loved _ it. He never wanted to stop seeing that look on her face.

God was he grateful that Suki seemed to want him as much as he wanted her. Because for some reason he had no self control around her. Physically and mentally. So of course he agreed when she suggested they make this an official thing.

_ Of course I’ll let her set the boundaries. But it doesn’t mean I won’t gently press them. _

__

And for a while that was okay, just sex. Hot sex. But something was… off.

Bryce remembered the exact moment he fell for Suki. It was nothing profound. Incredibly average. It was on Halloween, when Jackie had told them to be quiet and they’d laughed together. It was the way she looked at him holding in giggles, and he, also laughing, like they shared a secret. Their own personal joke. It was the way that they were just doing the simplest thing, and in their eye contact, Bryce just knew – it hit him less like a truck and more like a soft gust of wind carrying him over the Boston skyline. He just knew.

_ Oh. I like this girl. I really like this girl. _

__

Every moment from then on was equal parts amazing and torture. He wasn’t brave enough to cut her off for breaking the rules. He needed to be around her. So he told himself he was strong enough to repress his feelings and be what she needed him to be. A warm body. And that was fine, as long as she was happy. Because seeing Suki happy was all Bryce seemed to want these days.

He pushed the boundaries a bit, but if there was ever any indication she was uncomfortable he’d stop immediately. She didn’t seem to mind his seductive tactics at all.

__

He felt a little pathetic in that he’d do anything she asked, no questions. But it was also what kept him going.

Just spending time with her casually might have been his favourite thing. He  _ loved _ the sex. Fuck, was it good. But singing karaoke with her? Talking with her after sex? That was it for him.

He might’ve been falling for her, but he was sure it was unrequited and he was a prideful man.

Which is why he really didn’t want her to see him as weak. He didn’t like anyone to see him as weak, but especially not her.

And maybe why it hurt so much when he forgot himself for just a moment and kissed her like he would’ve if he was more to her. Or, tried to. Her dodging him was a bitter reminder that he was by himself in this. And his pride was beaten and squished like a bug – he had to get out of there.

And then he just wanted the sex. He wanted to numb himself to his only feelings. Force himself into seeing Suki the way she saw him.

_ No, I won’t talk to you about the problems at work, I won’t tell you what a failure I am. I don’t want to talk at all. I want you to fuck me senseless. _

__

But he couldn’t help himself and soon enough he was back to pining over her. Watching the video of them at karaoke a thousand times over just to hear her sing (even though it wasn’t very good), and watch her laugh with him and let loose.

When she’d let him stay after babysitting Tommy, he thought maybe he’d seen an opening. A small trail of light coming from the door to Suki Moore, but not enough to really be able to see much. But she’d told him to be gone when she woke up, and there were certain lines he couldn’t cross. If mostly to protect his own heart. Maybe that door opened a little bit more when Suki was upset with him over his comment to Ben – or perhaps it was just the principle of the comment. Either way, he hoped.

And maybe hoping was his problem, but he couldn’t help it.

Kissing Suki before Christmas was when maybe he hoped a little too much. Because surely kissing him  _ like that  _ had to mean something.

Then the night he’d stitched her up, he’d convinced himself of it. Holding her hand like glass itself and the way she shook a little and put her entire trust in him. And it wasn’t quite what he’d been angling for, but he’d been wanting to hold her hand for a long time.

Body shots were hot, steamy and intimate. And that mixed with the tenderness of the stitches already had his heart in overdrive. 

There was no question. She was looking at him like he hung the moon and maybe it was the alcohol but he didn’t care. He’d hold her head over the toilet and brush her teeth a thousand times to have her look at him that way. Oh, who was he kidding. He’d do it anyway. 

“I’m glad I know you,” she’d whispered into his chest, and he was glad she was too drunk to hear his heart start thumping out of it.

But he was scared, scared of the moment she found out what a fuck up he was. His past, his non-existent relationships, his sheltered emotions. He was cold and she was warm.

Laying in his arms like he could protect her. It felt like the closer Suki got, the more Bryce’s heart sank because he knew where it was headed.

Then he got sick, some kind of virus, and she texted him on Valentine’s Day.  _ Valentine’s Day _ . He daydreamed a little too long about being able to take her on a date and kiss her and shower her with words of affirmation. But he was sick. And she didn’t want that. She probably didn’t even know the date.

And he would only end up fucking it all.

When she turned up at his place with a large container of home cooked meals he was absolutely gone with affection for her. He’d been grazing through a bag of chips and not much else, and she’d turned up with days worth of food. Food she spent a lot of time making.

Food she heated up for him and plated and placed on a tray and brought to him in bed. Food she waited for him to eat to make sure he was staying healthy.

That kiss she gave him did more for his health than any medicine could’ve. Slow, and he wanted more. But she controlled it. Kept it paced. And with each pressured brush of his tongue to hers he lost himself a bit more. 

He was sad when he woke to see her gone, but he knew she had obligations. She certainly wasn’t obligated to turn back up the next morning to check on him.

_ Fuck _ .

And he’d finally chalked up the guts to tell her the truth. Of course he’d remembered her. She was hard to forget. Even if it didn’t mean anything back then, it certainly meant something now. Fate, she’d said. Yes, it was corny. But he saw it too. The way they were always pulled together. Fate.

That whole day felt like a dream. Like they were a proper couple. He held her hands—properly this time—inspected her scars. They talked about college, about life. Laughed at his yearbook photos. And maybe, just maybe he wouldn’t have to wake up.

But obviously, he did. Because he knew himself. He was a powder keg and if she stood too close he’d bring her down with him.

What Suki did for him? It was a turning point. Because it meant Bryce was starting to feel like Suki cared about him in the way he cared for her. And he appreciated it so, so much that she’d stand up for him like that. Which was exactly why he had to push her away. He was scared. He’d never had a good relationship with anyone that was meant to matter: his parents, his sister, past partners. And now Suki was here and all he wanted was  _ her _ but he knew he’d fuck it up.

She’d also violated his trust a little. Sure he hadn’t said not to tell anyone, but it sort of felt implied. She’d spent the day with him looking guilty and hurt sitting on the truth. And  _ that _ hurt  _ him.  _ Maybe if she’d told him to begin with he wouldn’t have been so angry.

But that wasn’t it. He was angry at himself for letting his heart fall into her hands. Angry that he’d let it get so far that Suki would risk herself for him.

So he did the worst thing he ever did.

He, after getting mad at Suki for lying, lied right back at her. Told her she was just a body to him.

She was so much more.

But he had to.

Every step away from her hurt. And he could do nothing to stop the tears which fell as he tried to get away from her. He couldn’t look back. He couldn’t see her upset.

He knew he’d humiliated her. And he also knew that was the place she would hurt the most. All he wanted was to scoop her up and tell her it would all be okay.

But he had to do it. He didn’t trust himself. He couldn’t let it go on any longer, let her care for him as any more than a friend; because Bryce fucked up every relationship he’d had. Platonic, romantic, familial. And although it scared the shit out of him, this thing he had with Suki might’ve been the most important yet. It was the one he  _ hadn’t _ screwed yet, and he couldn’t bear it if he did. So he thought he’d nip it in the bud before it got too far. Before either of them fell too deep.

For her anyway. He was long too far gone.

—-

The next day he woke with pain in every inch of his body. Heartbreak hurts. Especially when he knew he’d hurt someone he cared so much about.

But there wasn’t any way they could have ended things amicably, he couldn’t be around her on good terms with her and not melt right there. The distance was necessary for him to get over it.

He’d entered the staff room fairly early, much to his disdain finding Ben sat drinking a coffee. Of course he’d seen him in passing with Fred the day before, and heard what had happened from some of the other interns, but seeing him was only a reminder of the pain Bryce had caused Suki.

“Hey Brycey,” Ben teased as Bryce entered the room.

His jaw grit immediately and he didn’t want anything to do with this man. It wasn’t really his fault, but Bryce felt like blaming him for how things ended with Suki.

So he simply nodded, hoping that would be the end of it. Of course it wasn’t.

“So your girlfriend fucked Fred up pretty good, huh?” he sneered as he stood from his spot, coming to stand in front of Bryce. A few of the others milling about hushed up and turned to look at the two men.

“She’s not my girlfriend.”

“She isn’t, huh?”

Bryce just shook his head.

“Yeah, try telling her that. I mean, I already did. But it probably means more coming from you.”

“You what?”

“You’re fucking her and she tried to be your hero,” he chuckled coldly. Bryce knew he was just trying to get a rise out of him as payback. He tried so hard not to fall into the bait. He didn’t respond. But Ben only continued:

“I told her bitches need to learn their place. Fuck a guy a few times and suddenly you’re acting like you’ve cuffed him.”

“You  _ what _ ?”

“I was doing you a fav-”

Bryce was blind with anger and he wasn’t even realising what was happening until his fist connected with Ben’s jaw.

Bryce’s heart sank as he realised that—in so many words—was exactly what he’d said to Suki.  _ Fuck _ .

But he didn’t have long to dwell on it considering he’d just  _ punched a colleague. _ Not that he was sorry, just even more angry. 

Because no one talked about Suki like that.

And as he bowled down the corridor he realised that punching people wasn’t the best way to go about things; he’d practically once again been the worlds biggest hypocrite. God that guy’s face was punchable, though. He was surprised Fred was the one who ended up with the black eye.

He’d reacted with anger and impulse to someone being a dick to Suki in the same way Suki had reacted with anger and impulse to someone being a dick to Bryce. 

He was screwed. But he kind of didn’t care.

He was completely lost. Had he made the right decision?

He had to end it because letting her hold his heart in her un-gloved hands—it was a dangerous game. He knew there’d be a day she’d squeeze – maybe accidentally, maybe not – and he’d be left without it. And he was fine with letting her wreck him.

It was him wrecking her that he was worried about.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy new year guys!! ❤️


	16. Scarred

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki and Bryce reel after certain events.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  My Own - Whitaker

Suki didn’t need to hear any more. There was no explaining away this one. She’d asked the question and his answer was simple.  _ So I am just a body to you? Yes. _

Her gaze fell to the floor and her feet felt cemented there even though all she wanted to do was run away. She kept trying and trying but they wouldn’t budge. Noise was all one big long beep fizzling around her ears and her vision was a big blurry mess, despite the tears clinging on for dear life at the bottom of her lashes.

But she didn’t need to move. Bryce already had. She saw as the blurred shapes of his legs removed themselves from her peripheral and she could picture each step in her mind, each one another stab to her chest.

She wasn’t sure how long she stood there, swaying in the growing dark, the tears still gripping on obstinately to her lash line.

And it seemed she made it home on autopilot, because the next thing she knew she was unlocking her front door and gliding through to her bedroom. If anyone was around in the communal areas, she wouldn’t have been able to tell because nothing was registering.

She also seemed to manage to undress and slide into pyjamas in smooth movements, eyes barely blinking and mouth set slightly parted. She hadn’t bothered to turn the light on, just a small window of grey sky illuminating the room ever so slightly.

She washed her face and brushed her teeth, trying not to think too much about the time Bryce had done this for her. She didn’t even look in the mirror as she did so. 

It wasn’t until Suki cradled herself into bed and laid to one side, the space Bryce often occupied empty in front of her, that she finally began to cry.

She felt out to the space, the smooth cotton kind of stinging beneath her still-cold hands, like that would somehow let him know she was thinking of him. That she was sorry. Sorry that she went and fucked up and caught feelings. Sorry that she acted on impulse. The empty space never usually felt like a problem, probably because she knew it would be occupied at some point or another. And now it wouldn’t be. She slowly turned her hand over, looking at her scars in the dim light. And she just cried more. Because it was a reminder of Bryce seared into her skin forever. The puckered skin a neat example of Bryce’s careful and thoughtful stitches. The red disappearing scabs a beacon of how she’d messed it all up.

His stitches hadn’t scarred just her hand, but her heart, too.

She wasn’t even meant to feel anything for him, but mistakes were made. She wasn’t even sure she ever felt like it was a good idea, even from the start, just that she wanted him. She had been helpless to stop the unforgiving want.

But as she grew to want him in the other way, he’d stayed the same.

This was nothing like the time Bryce had been funny about the surgery, or when she’d been worried about what she’d heard him say to Ben. This was different. This was real and definite and final. No chance of miscommunication. She’d worried—knew to some extent—that how she felt was one sided, but that didn’t make it hurt any less.

She was embarrassed. Because even if she’d been right about him not feeling the same, she’d still believed he at least cared for her as a friend. Just like the rest of the group. Clearly, that wasn’t the case.

There was definitely a sense of frustration that he’d been pissed at her for lying, but in admitting that she was only a fuck to him and not a friend, he’d revealed he’d been lying since she asked him about it.

Her throat hurt as she tried to cry silently. She couldn’t believe how badly everything had got fucked up. She found herself wishing that the space next to her was occupied. She didn’t even want the sex. She wanted the intimacy. Just Bryce next to her. His stupid fucking grin and his eyes like chasms she’d trip and fall down with just a word—just the thought of hearing her name on his lips triggered a chorus of ‘ _ Why, Suki _ ?’ and she was in even more desperate tears. No ‘Sukes’, no ‘Santa Fe’, and her full name normally sounded like heaven—but.

She wasn’t sure how long she lay there wallowing. She hadn’t even remembered falling asleep until she woke up with the sore, crusty eyes and a wet pillow.  _ Pathetic. He wasn’t even anything to me. I hate that I made myself feel this way. _

—-

The next few days were a big blend of work, coming home to stare at a wall, and eventually needing to eat.

This shouldn’t have fucked her up as much as it was, but it had. She’d lost a friend above anything else. Or, who she thought was a friend.

And she wished that maybe this had happened sooner, before she got too sucked in. But then she realised. She’d always been screwed. The entire time.

She hadn’t even considered previously that they’d had an emotional bond before they even had a good chance at being only fuck buddies. When they’d kissed in the supply closet all those months ago, it was sealed. Her tears had been drying on her cheeks as he’d kissed her desperately, tasting them and consuming her misery. For her, anyway. She should’ve read the signs, let herself stay away from the inevitable heartbreak.

And yes, Suki got sick. So she was sick and heartbroken all at once. She had to take a couple of days off, and all she did was hole up in her room and pop out occasionally to cook up a meal from the freezer. Thank god she was always prepared.

One day she was unfortunate enough to enter the kitchen while Jackie was already there, eating a sandwich at the table.

“Hey,” she smiled, she knew Suki was sick so Suki assumed that was what the sympathetic look on her face was about.

“Hi,” Suki replied meekly, before pulling out some cold pizza from the fridge and digging in to a slice.

“Aren’t those sweatpants a bit big for you?” Jackie asked. Suki forgot she’d been living in Bryce’s hoodie and sweatpants she’d stolen at Christmas. She was currently in an old t shirt of her own and said sweatpants which definitely were a tad big.

“No,” Suki groaned through her mouthful of pizza.

“Okay, what is up? Any time you’re at the apartment you’ve been moping and barely taking care of yourself, you haven’t even noticed me when I’ve said hi to you at the hospital. I know you’re sick but... I don’t know. Is everything okay?”

“It’s fine, Jackie. I guess I just hate February.”

“No… there’s something wrong. Is this a bad time of year for you?”

She looked at Jackie properly for the first time in the conversation, concern laced in her typically brusque face. It was a bit of an impasse. Telling Jackie would probably screw things up further, especially given how close she was with Bryce. If she was being honest, Suki had no idea if Bryce had confronted Jackie about the whole thing. If she was being honest, she didn’t want to know. If Bryce hadn’t chastised Jackie, then Suki knew the whole thing had been about her, and he really had meant that the fact they were sleeping together changed things. Of course if he had, that would mean that Suki wasn’t special at all. She couldn’t win. 

Was indifference worse than resentment?

“Something like that,” she gave a small sad smile. Jackie nodded understandingly, and Suki knew she wouldn’t press.

“Here,” Jackie patted the chair beside her, clearing off the last of her sandwich in the other hand. Suki didn’t really want to sit down and chat—she’d been hoping to hole up in her room all day again—but at this point that would be rude. So she reluctantly slid into the chair. “So, I need to ask you a question.”

Suddenly Suki’s head whirred with all the possible things Jackie could be curious about, but all they landed on was Bryce. Had she somehow found out they’d been sleeping together? Or, did she know those sweatpants were his? What if Bryce  _ had _ confronted her about the whole thing and that was this? All questions lead to him. And that made her seriously nervous. She didn’t want to talk about him, she didn’t want to think about him. Even though that seemed all she could do these days.

“Okay…”

“So after the whole I-stopped-you-from-hitting-a-surgical-intern thing, did you maybe… go back and do it?”

Suki balked, she wasn’t expecting this. “No? What do you mean?”

“I saw the two of them sporting matching black eyes, I wondered if—”

“No.” Suki was surprised by the revelation, because it certainly hadn’t been her. 

“Oh. Alright. I suppose he’s probably just a dick generally, then. I’m glad, I’m still shocked they didn’t report us.”

Although Jackie might’ve been right—he might’ve just been an ass in some other situation—Suki couldn’t help but feel there was some connection. Maybe Landry was pissed they’d given him away? No, he didn’t seem the type. She didn’t really feel like asking the guy, but the situation was curious to her. Hopefully there’d be enough gossip once she was back at work to figure it out.

“Fred’s nose is fine, by the way. I don’t want you to beat yourself up over this,” Jackie said as she looked at the table; affection was something she was still getting her head around.

Suki nodded, she was glad she hadn’t broken anyone. Because she had been feeling a little guilty, even if he had deserved it. That feeling paled in comparison to how it had affected things with Bryce, though. 

—-

The following days, months, indeterminate amount of time were hell for Bryce too.

He’d taken it too far. He could’ve let her down more gently. But she was too forgiving, too loyal, and she would’ve still been there for him—he couldn’t have that. Fucking hell, she would’ve probably bought him soup about the fact he’d rejected her if he’d been soft about it. And shit, he adored her for it.

He felt so incredibly guilty because he could see he’d hurt her. Those words cut like a knife for so many reasons. First, he looked like he only cared about getting in her pants and it hurt him that that meant every meaningful moment they shared became just another way to fuck her. Second, it had been a direct contradiction to what he’d told her before when she’d asked him the same question—and he’d insisted they were friends. Third, he was sure he’d done it at the worst possible time. Just when he was starting to feel like maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t alone in this. Like the way she looked at him meant what he wanted it to mean. And yes, that was why it had to happen, but it also meant he’d probably hurt her even more. 

Shit, he wished he didn’t hurt her at all. Ever. He wished she could always be okay, he wished she could brush it off. But he knew she couldn’t. Even  _ if _ he meant nothing to her—something he didn’t know the answer to—the way Suki was as a person would mean she’d be upset no matter what. She was thoughtful, loving, and empathetic. He’d seen that time and time again. Even  _ if _ she didn’t like him the way he liked her, the fact of losing a friend was enough for her. And he was beating himself up nonstop for letting things get to the point where he would hurt her.  _ Had _ hurt her.

Part of Bryce had wanted those idiots to report him for hitting Ben, some sort of sadistic payback for what he’d done to Suki. He wasn’t sure why they hadn’t, but at least he still had work to pour himself into. That was his only solace. The thing he loved the most. Or, historically had.

Although he truly fell for Suki at Halloween, he was also of the belief that there’d been some odd emotional bond from the very start. He wasn’t sure how he hadn’t seen it before. All the flirting, the desire to be near her, the way she made him feel. It was clinging to the familiar, the concentrated girl from college who he’d shared a moment with, whom he’d felt compelled to comfort that day. They were fucked before they even tried.

—-

If Suki had any hope of things fixing themselves after some time, that was gone when the months dragged on by with no word. It was easier than she expected to avoid friend outings: 

_ I’m so tired. _

_ I’m working really early tomorrow. _

_ I’m actually working. _

_ I’m trying to drink less. _

And that seemed enough for the moment. She had picked up enough extra shifts that most of the time she really was working her ass off. Aurora knew what had happened, being Suki’s one confidant, and helped along with the excuses and avoiding. Aurora was… less than happy with Bryce but never said anything at Suki’s request. She did, however, disapprove of the way Suki was handling things.

“You can’t let this mean you avoid all your friends,” she’d said one day after trying to drag Suki out of her bedroom to Donahue’s. Suki had been grateful that Aurora hadn’t said ‘I told you so’. Even if she had been right. 

“I live with you guys. It’s only him who’s extra, anyway.”

“Don’t you think it might be nice to clear the air, though? Yeah, he was a dick, but you shouldn’t have to feel uncomfortable around him for the rest of the time we’re all at Edenbrook.”

“I’m just not ready yet.” 

Was Suki putting off the inevitable? Almost definitely. 

—-

Around Easter, Suki had a couple of days off and was still feeling totally awful. It didn’t help this gave her a chance to think about it. She’d just been so engrossed in work and then so exhausted she’d fall straight asleep. There wasn’t as much time to focus on it properly, even if it did come into her mind at every opportunity. Every time she had to schedule a surgery she dreaded it would be Bryce walking through those doors—but by a stroke of luck it never was. Fate striking again. She did have Ben once, which was as awkward as it could’ve been.

That day around Easter the group had made a big meal and spent some nice quality time together. So in the next instalment of a long line of mistakes, Suki drank too much wine and found herself on Bryce’s doorstep. Which kind of made her cry all over again remembering the last time she was drunk and how Bryce cared for her. How he’d held her and kept her hair back and brushed her teeth and put her in his pyjamas. How he’d cuddled her as she fell asleep. And how apparently that was just a courtesy, not because he really gave a shit.

She thought about what he’d said:  _ if only you knew what a screw up I was, _ and how ominous that felt now.  _ I’m not sure what you meant, but I feel like the screw up now. No—I  _ am _ the screw up. _

She stared at his door from a distance, before nearing it. Then backing away. Then pacing back and forth. It probably should’ve been a warning that even in her drunk state she couldn’t make up her mind, but clearly it wasn’t.

She neared it, and knocked. Footsteps began to sound out and then when she felt the knob begin to twist she blockaded it on her side.

“Don’t open the door,” she muttered loud enough for him to hear, lolling her forehead onto it. “I can’t do this properly if I have to look at you.” Because even just imagining his face was painful right now. He probably looked so pretty. Unaltered. Just the thought was making her sobs hitch in her throat; but she didn’t want him to hear her crying.

There was a pause from the other side. “Suki…” the tone of his voice was indecipherable.

“I just need to say it. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

Unawares to Suki, Bryce was directly on the other side of the door, his ear pressed up against it and his eyes shut. It was her voice—he hadn’t heard it in what felt like way too long. He just wanted to rip open the door and see her face. Hug her. Kiss her. Say sorry. But she was right, that wouldn’t be a good idea. So he clambered his hands against the wood beside his head, reaching for the unreachable. 

Bryce wasn’t sure how to respond, either. 

“I fucked up. Bad. I-” she swallowed down the lump in her throat, “I fell for you,” she tried to control her voice but the tears were relentless, her hand shaking on the wooden door. This wasn’t the ideal situation to be confessing her feelings but it honestly just sort of came out. And there was no taking it back now. 

It wasn’t something she was particularly used to… wearing her heart on her sleeve like this. Usually she’d sort of just… fallen into a relationship and that was that. But here she was admitting to Bryce—who’d told her in no uncertain terms he didn’t feel the same—that she’d fallen for him.

Drunk, no less.

“You…” Bryce started, but Suki cut him off.

“And I don’t… wanna see you again. I can’t ever see you again. It hurts too damn much. I know I don’t mean that to you, but I just...”

“But Suki you—”

“Please don’t. I’m going to move on. I’m giving up Bryce for lent,” Suki, drunk, didn’t care that Easter was the end of lent. “I just had to say it first.”

Before she broke too much she rushed away from the apartment and didn’t look back. 

Didn’t hear Bryce’s whisper from the other side of the door: “I fell for you too. Long ago.”

—-

All the way home she questioned whether she’d made the right decision. Whether she should’ve just left it.

If admitting her feelings was perhaps entirely idiotic. Sober Suki would probably think so. But there was a slight sense of pressure lifted. She didn’t have to pretend anymore. He knew. 

She’d feel embarrassed tomorrow, but that was a problem for sober Suki.

When she got home to see everyone still sitting around the table laughing with their wine glasses she wasn’t entirely sure she was in the mood for it (the whole heartbreak thing probably had something to do with that), but couldn’t object when she was beckoned over.

“Did you get more wine?”

Oh yeah. Her excuse. Oops.

“They were out…”

Jackie shot her an uncertain glance, but everyone was too drunk and jolly to care.

Eventually Suki was able to retreat to bed and follow her usual pattern. But she found herself staring at her phone. Specifically Bryce’s contact. 

She’d meant it. She was giving him up. That meant taking certain measures.

She deliberated for what felt like hours, but eventually sent the text.

**Suki Moore** : Bryce & Suki’s Fuck Buddy Agreement: TERMINATED

Almost immediately her heart was in her throat and again knew sober Suki would regret this. It hurt. Knowing she’d put the final nail in the coffin. 

Bryce’s dots popped up. Then down again. Then up, down. Then they never returned. The word read looking more and more like dread. He was probably glad to be free of her.

She found herself wondering how things had changed so drastically. Bryce had gone from being a stranger at a frat party to a colleague with undeniable chemistry to a fuck to… so much more. And now he was worse than a stranger. Her relationship with him was well and truly terminated.

What’s a break-up when the two were never really together?


	17. The Winds of Regret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jackie cooks up a plan for Suki’s benefit. Suki makes some choices and double guesses herself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m bad at linking my socials but here’s the stuff if you ever need to find me:
> 
> Tumblr: @lucas-koh for choices&litg  
> @oneflewoverthecuckoos for likes and follows  
> Reddit: margotmuses  
> Discord: margotmuses#2665
> 
> Feel free to come yell at me/tell me what you think!
> 
>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  You’re The One That I Want - Lo-Fang  
> Supercut - Lorde

Before Suki even knew it, with the months all blending to one long shift (she’d picked up every opportunity to dive into work), summer had approached. The jumpers were shoved to the back of the closet and the light blouses and camisoles were pulled out. 

She’d avoided going out with her friends for months out of fear of seeing Bryce and her heart shattering right there and then. So it had been pretty miserable. Despite the constant sunshine and general happy mood, Suki was still sort of trudging around everywhere. Quite frankly, it pissed her off that she was still hung up over the whole thing after a good four months had passed. Was this normal? Was this meant to happen? She didn’t think so. Not when he was just meant to be a fuck.

One Saturday afternoon, the weather was good and Jackie was complaining rather dramatically about having to go to work.

“But the weather is  _ so good. _ Seriously I feel absolutely cheated, here.” She stood in the living room fanning her face with her hand and stretched a long, slender leg out across the floorboards. She cleared her throat a moment and looked towards Sienna for a brief second, “Whatever. We have to go, right? Suki, you’re going to be here alone aren’t you? With the day off…” Jackie was being odd, but Suki couldn’t quite put her finger on it.

Anyway, even months after it all, the thought of being by herself all day to wallow was not filling her with confidence.

“Yeah, I guess. I’m feeling fine so I might come in with you guys and see if I can help out anywhere.”

“Oh?” Jackie asked with a raised eyebrow. Whatever was up with her, it was freaking Suki out.

“Yeah…”

“Well okay, Suki! That would be cool!” Sienna encouraged.

Aurora looked as confused as Suki was, and Elijah was happily none-the-wiser wheeling about the kitchen.

So the group, already dressed and ready, made their way out. They’d decided because the weather was so nice, they’d walk in. They’d given enough time before their shifts were meant to begin. It was pleasant and Suki was grateful for her friends being able to distract her and make her laugh. It felt like old times.

They took a right turning at one point, and Suki could see Donahue’s in the distance down the road. Instantly she was hit with a wave of nostalgia. That tinted sadness to her memories. She missed it, missed spending time with her friends there, missed memories associated with it. Specifically dancing with Bryce. Staying behind with Bryce before going back to his to fuck. Singing karaoke with Bryce. Sitting next to him in the booths and letting his hand slink up her thigh. Listening to him tell some dumb jokes or stories or just fucking listening to him laugh. 

Before she realised it the group had stopped and she almost fell over Elijah.

“Oop!”

“Wouldn’t it be nice to have a drink?” Jackie sighed, looking wistfully up at the bar with that same odd expression to her face.

“Yeah, probably, but we really should get moving,” Aurora suggested. Elijah snickered. “What?”

“Well, I think we have time,” he shot Aurora a little wink which had her looking to Suki for answers. Suki didn’t have any and shrugged.

“Come on!” said Sienna.

“I’m gonna just carry on to the hospital guys, I’ll meet you there,” Suki said.

“Nope,” Jackie came behind Suki and began practically pushing her towards the doors. “We’re going in. It’s just us lot. I know we live together but we need to spend some quality time together.” She opened the doors, a struggling Suki in front of her.

Maybe if it was just them she could do that. It would be nice, after all.

“We have work,” Aurora objected.

“You don’t.”

“How did you-”

“This was our plan,” Sienna giggled, “none of us have work!”

“Why didn't you tell me?” Aurora said, lifting her hands up a little.

“You’re awful at secrets,” retorted Jackie.

Aurora scoffed, “Like you’re any better! I thought you were constipated or something, Jackie.”

Jackie shot daggers before moving further into the bar.

And there he was. The face of her dreams-turned-nightmares. Looking down the barrel of a beer bottle with crinkled eyebrows like it was telling him a secret. A secret he didn’t like the sound of. Her breath caught in her throat as she finally saw him. For the first time since it had happened. His face. The one she really had dreamt about so many times. Dreamt about him chasing her down the corridor the last time they’d spoken and telling her she was mistaken. Or just about if nothing had happened, them in bed and having fun like they always had. And there, in person in front of her, were his eyes that sparkled with humour so often and his lips she’d kissed a hundred times. It was odd, if she really thought about it, how she’d managed to miss him around the hospital—but she wasn’t complaining. Seeing him, she was realising at this moment, was an awfully painful experience. Really, he was probably making a conscious effort to avoid her. So why did he have to be fucking sat in the bar on the day she finally braved it?

Why did he have to look like that? An expression that was breaking her heart all over again.

“Oh, good! Bryce is already here!” Jackie grinned, looking over at the booth Bryce was in still staring at his drink. So, ‘just them’ meant him too. Good to know. Beside her, Aurora grabbed Suki’s hand and squeezed. 

It was too late to run, but each step she took toward the booth felt like took all her effort.

“Come on, Suki! It’s gonna be fun,” Elijah smiled at her as he moved closer to the table.  _ Maybe in the past, but I couldn’t think of anything worse right now. _

“Bryce!” Jackie called as the group neared the table. Bryce was grinning as he looked around them, until his eyes landed on Suki. Their eyes connected and she wanted to look away so badly but couldn’t. The gaze between them was magnetic. Seeing those eyes she’d thought about so many times in person again was affecting, the way they pulled her in and wouldn’t let go. Even from a distance. That unreadable expression he’d shown her the last time she’d seen him was there again, and she wanted to figure it out so badly. Then he swiftly averted his gaze.

“Oh—I thought—you said—” he started, and the sound of his voice sent shivers down her spine. Smooth, deep, running through her like a song, she barely even cared that he was disappointed to see her.

“Just us two? I lied! Suki’s not been out with everyone in months and I couldn’t think of a better way to get her to come! I’m sure you miss seeing her, you’ve been pretty absent yourself.”

“Yeah, I do,” he said with a clearing of his throat and eyes trained on his drink. It was hard for Suki to convince herself that it didn't have any hidden meaning—that he was just saying it to save face. But she was certain that was the case. And then something shifted in the uncomfortable, uneasy demeanour and it was like he was back to the normal Bryce. “Amazing to see you all again! It’s been too long!”

He got up to hug everyone, one-by-one. Suki watched as they embraced and felt her stomach creeping into her throat. Would he just skip her? Maybe. She half wanted him to, half wanted him to embrace her and never let go.

When he reached Suki he moved in slow-motion. He touched her for only the briefest of moments yet she felt every part of it. She was on fire. His head brushing against the side of hers, his hand barely grazing her side. The wash of warm air when he moved in then taken away when he distanced himself. 

She’d wanted that for so long. Any kind of contact. But now that she’d had a taste again she only wanted more. To drown in him.

God, she was driving herself crazy.  _ I don’t want to look at him, I don’t want to touch him but it’s  _ all _ I want. _

Bryce squeezed himself back into the corner of the booth. Sienna slid in opposite him, and Jackie goaded Aurora in between them. Elijah took his spot at the head of the table. Suki, who’d been standing a little too long, felt her stomach flip as she realised the only free space was next to Bryce. Staring open and empty and daunting. And she couldn’t meander where she was too long, it would be too obvious. So she had to take the space beside him. 

As she sat down, she gulped and didn’t dare glance him. She was sat right next to him after months without even a glimpse.  _ Fuck. _

“Elijah, put this in that empty space for me will you?” Jackie handed him her bag. He took it and placed it in the spot beside Suki, except, this meant Suki had to scoot closer to Bryce to make space for it.  _ Typical.  _ Her breath stopped the moment the side of her body made contact with his. It was just the smallest slither of thigh and hip and a gentle press of shoulder but she could feel every single part of it. Her hands clasped tightly in her lap, tense and nervous. 

She didn’t look at his face, just trained her eyes to her friends' opposite. And when Bryce picked up his drink and his arm grazed against her the sensation absolutely shot throughout the whole of her body. The last time they’d sat like this he’d had his hand on her thigh and his warmth radiated; smiling at her like he cared and their stupid electric eye contact. But the thought of looking at him was terrifying—heart beating more beats per minute than she knew how to register. The man who’d felt safe to her, who was there in her darkest moments—now terminated from her life. But here, in the flesh and pressed up beside her, she felt like she was dreaming. And it wasn’t necessarily a good dream, but surreal and blood-pumping and confusing. It was overwhelming how much she wanted to touch him with her hands, even just a brush would suffice. She’d meant it when she’d said she couldn’t look at him before, because now she couldn’t even be near him and stop herself from wanting him.

It hurt. It felt like they were miles away despite being plastered beside one another. He was unreachable, unattainable as he always had been. The distance of the door lingered between them now that there was no breathing room. Despite the fact she’d told him that was what she wanted, pleaded of him, It was only making this reunion harder. And they hadn’t even said a word to each other yet.

Conversation began and the group was natural. Elijah made a joke and Bryce laughed. 

She couldn’t help but watch that crinkled smile she loved so as he laughed along with the group. And nothing had changed. She still burned for him the way she never should’ve.

_ You’re not mine anymore. Or, you never were. But I’m still stupidly completely yours. I’ll probably always be yours. _

Suki gladly took the drink handed to her—a beer—but she did wish it had been something stronger. And as she started to drink the conversation around her flowed pretty easily, but she never forgot the presence pressed up against her. She was incredibly aware of that.

What Suki did also notice—and was hard to miss—was the sheer amount of alcohol the man beside her seemed to be consuming. 

After maybe an hour and a bit, Jackie and Aurora started to bicker amusingly and Sienna and Elijah played mediator. This left Bryce and Suki feeling like they were left by themselves. And Suki kept thinking about what Jackie had said when they’d arrived:  _ Just us two? _ and how despite not wanting to know, now that she was faced with the opportunity she just had to take it.

She spoke low but enough that she knew Bryce would be able to hear in the noisy bar, keeping her face trained on her drink.

“Were you mad at her?”

“Huh?”

“Jackie. Did you get angry at her, too?”

He was silent. That was all she needed to know.

“No-” his voice raised a little and they looked around the group, but no one had been alerted. “I was, it’s just…”

She huffed dryly, “Different?”

She saw him nod in her peripheral. So, now she wasn’t sure what to think, and instantly regretted asking.

“Okay.” 

An okay was fine, but in a situation like this it felt like it wasn’t convinced of itself.

But she couldn’t cause a scene here. She let out a shaky breath and took another shot from the tray, numbing the sting in her throat.

As the night continued on, more drinks were passed around and Suki was grateful that the group kept mostly to one large conversation, no more being awkwardly left with Bryce. The lack of space between them grew warmer and warmer as time went on, and despite her greatest efforts it just became more noticeable to Suki. Every time he had to leave for the bathroom or to get more drinks her stomach contracted like crazy at the contact.

Something was a problem, too. The more drinks Bryce downed, the more she felt his eyes on her. And how they blinked slowly, hooded. 

It became worrying when Bryce, in animated and slurred conversation with Sienna, knocked over his beer and didn’t even notice for a while. Suki grabbed a napkin and began to clear up the spillage with the help of everyone else throwing in their own napkins. When she came to wipe the spot of table just in front of him he only just noticed, and turned to her with a surprised look.

Suki’s avoidance of making contact with him didn’t outweigh how much she cared for him, though. 

“Bryce, I think maybe you should slow down.”

He didn’t say anything, just let his eyes bore into her and she gulped.

And then, when the bar was closing down, despite having listened to her and not drinking anymore, everything that Bryce had already drunk had kicked in and he wasn’t looking so fresh.

He was sort of slumped over on the table.

“He can just come to ours, we’ll put him on the sofa,” Elijah suggested.

“No—I—I can’t…” he protested into the table. 

“Oh come on, we can make sure you’re alright then.” And then turning to the rest of them he said, “Look at him.” 

It was true, Bryce was plastered.

“No please I…”

“Oh, Bryce. What a state,” Sienna sighed.

But despite his protests, Jackie and Aurora helped Bryce to standing and held his weight on each arm. Aurora looked like she wanted to be anywhere else in the world right now.

“This is what happens when you take months off of drinking,” said Jackie as they started to leave the bar.

Of course, the walk wasn’t too far, and they got home soon enough. Bryce was placed delicately on the sofa where he immediately settled down. Elijah bought him a blanket before everyone left to go to bed. 

Suki stayed a moment, watching the way he was almost sleeping. Eyes fluttering where they weren’t quite fallen yet, hands clasped in front of him and he looked so… small. She’d seen him sleeping before but this was different, he looked restless and drained and sort of sad. The expression pulled at her heartstrings, still longing for him and a way to make him feel okay.  _ Pathetic.  _

There was no way in hell Suki could feel comfortable leaving him like that, so she filled a glass of water and got some aspirin from the cupboard to place on the coffee table by the sofa for him to wake up to.

Just as she went to leave, a soft voice stopped her.

“Suki…” he whispered, pain and sadness in his voice. Her stomach flipped at her name coming from his lips. At the hand he was reaching up slightly. She stood stock still. She could just ignore him, pretend she hadn’t heard. He was drunk anyway, and probably wouldn’t remember. Then, as she went to leave again, she realised that no, no matter how much she wanted to, she absolutely couldn’t do that.

“Yeah?” she replied, her voice soft and forgiving in a way she wanted to kick herself for.

“I need to say something.” His hand was still reaching up and against her better judgement she let him grab hers. It fizzed at the contact, a hand she’d always loved holding even when it was only during sex. His was slightly clammy and large and despite that still looked like it was ready to slice her chest steadily with a scalpel. Felt like she remembered it to. They’d held hands all the way back in September when they’d danced, but everything was different now. Everything was different except the way their hands locked into one another like they were made to.

The contact was making her heart go crazy and her head a little foggy, but she never wanted to release it.

She found herself sitting down on the floor in the space between the sofa and the coffee table. He looked right at her and she was lost.

“Say it.”

“I fucked it. I didn’t mean a word. You’re everything to me. You were never just a body,” he barely whispered with his head laying on the arm of the sofa and his eyes never leaving hers. 

“You’re drunk,” her bottom lip wobbled as she barely spoke.

“Suki I think… no. I can’t say that like this. I regret the whole thing—no wait—I mean I regret what I said. Why I even bothered. I was so terrified of getting my heart broken by you but I just ended up doing it in a different way.”

“I don’t—“

“I’d let you break my heart a thousand times more, I just need you in my life again.”

“Me? Break your heart? You fucking tore me to pieces.” But she didn’t say it loud enough for him to hear. So instead she cleared her throat, “You’re drunk and you’re not thinking straight. If you care about me even a little bit, even at all, you’ll do something for me.” She looked down to where their hands were joined, grabbing on tight because she knew she wouldn’t give herself the chance to be this close again.

“Anything.” And she almost wailed at the sound of it.

“You won’t say shit like that anymore. You won’t say my name like that… you’ll go back to doing whatever it was you did before you met me.”

“Suki I can’t—I—” 

Suki couldn’t believe that Bryce’s eyes were welling up with tears.

“Please,” she barely whispered like it was her last breath. All she could muster.

He gulped, “Okay.”

She may have held his hand a little too long after that. Surely she was meant to just leave? But she grabbed it a while longer. Tight because she knew she’d have to let go again. Neither of them said another word. They just sat there holding on to one another. 

Maybe they both cried there silently.

And she left to lay in her bed and let her mind whir all night.

—-

The next morning when Suki heard Bryce and the others talking in the main room, she made sure to stay in bed until he left.

But as the day unfolded, and then the week, she was questioning a lot.

She thought about the fact that the year was almost over. Her intern year at Edenbrook was drawing to a close and she wasn’t in a position where she was comfortable with Bryce. She’d never even considered the prospect and it stung. Suki never expected to be finishing her first year as an intern without Bryce at her side. He’d just… always been there. As she tried to brush away the thought her phone pinged. 

**Bryce Lahela** : i won’t bother you anymore. but I just wanted you to have this. i’ll do what you asked of me. 

Attached to the text was a video message. She was a little nervous to open it, but clicked all the same. And her mouth fell open. It was a compilation of random secret videos she didn’t even know he’d taken. He remembered. What she’d said about liking when people took videos of her. And put them all together with a song. _ Oh my god. _ It felt like it should be the cheesiest most ridiculous thing ever, but it wasn't. She watched herself laugh and down a few too many drinks at Donohue’s, shoot Bryce a playful finger at work, she watched herself smiling at him in bed. She watched as she failed at twister, she watched herself focusing really hard as she seemed to try to get the lid on the salt shaker—her hand was freshly bandaged in that one and she was in her underwear, and as she poured over Bryce’s yearbooks. She had no clue he’d even taken  _ any _ of these. And that was exactly it. Exactly what she’d told him she loved.

Bryce had gone to the effort of making this.

She had to be wrong about him. She had to be.

Bryce had apologised.  _ You were never just a body.  _ And suddenly telling him to stay away felt like a mistake.

She regretted it a whole lot. What if he’d meant it? What if she  _ was _ everything to him? Somehow. The thought didn’t seem possible but yet—. The way he looked at her like he too was in pain, held her hand a little too long, the fact he’d taken these videos and sent her them. There was only one way to solve things and maybe truly finally move on. She had to talk to him. In person. Sober. Not through a door.

So she headed to Bryce’s, in the same fashion she had before around Easter, but this time she was letting herself hope a little.

She knocked, nerves in her stomach but for the first time in what felt like eons they weren’t scared nerves, they were… excited?

He opened the door, and he was in sweatpants and a t-shirt and her heart swelled at how casual he looked and how that still lit her on fire.

“Hey,” she said plainly, not sure how to speak or act or even breach the reason she was here.

“Shit,” he muttered, barely audibly, “what are you doing here?”

Not really the reception she’d been hoping for.

“I, uh, I really just… I needed to see you.”

“Suki, you made it pretty clear you didn’t want anything to do with me.”

“I know. You’re right. I don’t know why I’m here,” she stuttered and began to step back from the door. Instant regret for coming here on such a whim.

“Wait!” Bryce grabbed her arm. “Wait we should- maybe we should talk, then. Since you’re here. I just need to sort one thing out and I’m all yours.”

Suki stared at him for a moment, aching at the sight of his beautiful face up close again. Feeling his hand ignite her arm where it held on.  _ I’m all yours? No, you idiot. You never have been. I’m entirely yours and I don’t know how to stop. _

Just as she was about to agree, to melt into him and forgive everything – Bryce’s bedroom door creaked open in the background. A girl’s leg started to pop out and her voice:

“Bryce? What’s taking so long?” And then when her head caught sight of the door and Suki, she stopped.

Suki could feel her heart in her throat.

The worst bit was, she couldn’t even be mad at him for it. It was exactly what she’d told him to do.  _ You’ll go back to doing whatever it was you did before you met me. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do feel I oughta put this for y’all’s sakes here. This is the last fully angsty chapter! We’re over the hard bit now so you can rest easy❤️


	18. The Clouds Are Crying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki can’t believe what she’s just seen, but it’s time she and Bryce have an honest conversation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! There is a more explicit scene in this chapter, if that’s not your thing you can skip between the *** markings, as opposed to my usual —-. 
> 
> **Chapter Song:**  
>  Tell Me (Feat. Saoirse Ronan) - Johnny Jewel
> 
> And today we also have a special addition to the chapter song🥺 my lovely friend Nikka wrote and sang this beautiful song inspired by stitches😭😭😭 and I’m literally obsessed and it’s perfect and HERE:  
> [kiss](https://m.soundcloud.com/stfunikka/kiss?ref=clipboard&p=i&c=1)
> 
> It’s more a song for the whole fic to be honest 🌝 (also her other songs are also gorgeous and I’m gonna stop before I go off on a tangent💕)

Suki rushed down the corridor feeling like nothing but a complete idiot again. She was wearing a satin skirt and it wasn’t the most ideal to run in, but the material moved around her as she went. It was a little embarrassing, literally just  _ running _ away like that without a word, but Suki was not ready to confront emotions of betrayal when she’d come to confront emotions of adoration. 

“Suki! Suki, wait!” Bryce called after her but she tried to ignore it as she tripped down the stairs and back out into the outside. It was raining heavily, and Suki was dressed for July. Luck would have it be the rainy day in Boston summer when she was feeling like this. She barely even noticed as the cold water ran through her thin blouse.

_ Stupid, stupid Suki.  _

He was listening to her wishes and she was  _ still _ upset by it. She felt ridiculous. She ran over the road, barely even looking at the cars, puddles splashing around her ankles, into a park that would take her home. Where she would decide, once and for all, to get over this.

“Slow down, please!” he was closer, also running, now not too far behind her in the deserted park. She stopped and turned to him, shouting over the loud patter of the rain, spitting the water from her face.

“It’s alright Bryce, don’t worry. You don’t have to prove to me that you’re clean because we’re not sleeping together anymore!”

They couldn’t have been out long, but the rain was already slicking Bryce’s hair, strands falling over his face and the water clinging to the ends, dropping over his lips. Already soaking through his shirt and highlighting the shapes of his body. She couldn’t help but be a little shocked by the fact he’d run out after her in the heavy rainfall, seemingly unbothered by getting soaked.

He hung his head, “I deserve that. More than deserve it. Can you please just… hold on?” He moved closer to her, and she didn’t move away. The rain battered down on her face and it was cold but she didn’t care.

Carefully, nervously, he took her hand in his, both soaked and slipping, and looked at the scars from what felt like eons ago.

“Does it hurt at all anymore?”

“Sometimes.” She looked at him with sadness in her eyes, her voice immediately softer at his contact. Sometimes the stitches on her heart hurt, too. “When it’s cold.”

“Like now?”

She nodded. She looked down at her hand in his, willing herself to pull it away. But she couldn’t. She’d just seen something she never wanted to see but she still melted at his touch.  _ For fucks sake. _

“She’s gone, by the way.”

“I don’t wanna know Bryce. I can’t—”

“She lives in the building. I was about to send her home. I couldn’t do it. Because all my thoughts were of you.”

“What?”

“She was there, on my bed, in the way you’d been so many times and… and she tried to kiss me and I was trying to pretend they were your lips but they  _ weren’t _ and I was just thinking, you know, I can’t do this. I’ll have to send her away. And that’s when the doorbell rang. Like some kind of cosmic sign.”

“I feel like our whole relationship has just been cosmic signs,” she chuckled dryly.

“You know in the past when I thought I was heartbroken and upset I’d just shove my dick into the next thing that came along. So when you told me to forget it all that was what I tried to do. But I’m convinced it wasn’t heartbreak. None of that felt like this.”

“Yeah,” she smiled sadly, “I know exactly what you mean. I guess I used to try and fix things with sex too, but I couldn’t even consider it.”

“Not at all?”

“No. I only wanted you.” There was no point lying now. She told him how she’d felt before—how she still felt, so what was the use of pretending otherwise anymore. And Bryce’s words… they uprooted her heart and made a home. She knew, past all the self doubt, past everything that happened, that he was telling the truth.  _ Heartbreak, _ he’d said, and his eyes told her implicitly—no, indisputably—that was honest.

“You still… feel that way about me?”

She felt the lump in her throat and the tears sting her eyes as she gave him that wistful smile. “A love like that doesn’t work in past tenses.”

“Love?” he whispered, the tiniest inflection in his eyebrow.

She shut her eyes to try to keep from crying. She was so done with crying. The rain running down her face was enough for all the tears she had.

Then she felt a hand on her chin, pulling it up to Bryce’s face and she couldn’t help her eyes fluttering open.

“Yeah, I know. I told you I fucked up,” Suki said.

“No, hey—look at me.  _ I _ fucked up. Everything I said to you that day was a lie, I care about you more than anything. I tried to stop. But then seeing you again at Donohue’s I just couldn’t not be around you any longer. I don’t know how to apologise for everything I did but all I can say is I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, you can’t help your feelings. I should know.”

“You deserve the apology, Suki. I put you through hell, I can see that now. When I saw your face just then, when you saw her I—I knew you felt the same way I did. And I didn’t want to go another second without saying I’m so, so sorry. And that we were both wrong. Every excuse we made to stay away from each other was bullshit.”

Again, she knew this to be completely true. They had been bullishit. But still she felt that small pit in her stomach asking her what if? What if something changed? What if it was only something he was feeling briefly? Doubt crept in and she felt the lump in her throat as she spoke.

“We made a stupid list of rules for this reason and I went and broke every one.”

“Suki,” he said, suddenly a breath away from her.

“Yes?”

“Fuck the rules.”

And he grabbed her face and crashed it to his. Kissing her. Kissing her like he should’ve been for the past months. Like he’d never kissed her properly before. Like her lips were the antidote and he was the aggressive sickness. And she kissed him back the only way she knew how, heavy and desiring and hard. Because she wanted him—needed him. All doubt dispelled, Bryce was telling Suki as surely as the clouds were crying on them—there was no need to be scared. Their tongues tangled—tasting the insides of their mouths and pushing against each other. The warmth in contrast to the cold rain still dripping all over them.

She brought her arms up to grip at the back of his neck, pulling on his hair like she couldn’t get enough. The way she’d wanted to way back when in the supply closet. The way she kept wanting to even after he was gone. He hummed a deep sound in her mouth and she felt shivers run all the way through her body. Right from her toes to the top of her head.  _ This man has such a hold on me. _

Kissing him was ingrained into her head, liking riding a bike. Their lips moved together like they’d done it a thousand times. Because they had. Except this was a kiss pent up with everything they’d missed. Everything wrong they’d said. All their apologies. 

Bryce’s arms wrapped fully and enveloping around Suki’s waist, he embraced her with his whole body. It wasn’t clumsy like it was the first time, and the first first time, but as though they’d been practicing for this moment. In their heads, they probably had. There was that fresh minty flavour she loved so much, the softness of his lips as they kissed her like they weren’t shivering in the middle of a field in the rain. She found herself reveling in the fact that they’d kissed so many times, yet each one felt new. It was this odd mix of hungry passion and missing the taste of each other, with a slow sensuality that was romantic and almost melancholy. 

Their noses brushed as they twisted their heads to another angle, trying to get as much as they could. Lips teeth and tongues all praising each other under the rain. Veins ahum with the thrill of the indescribable feeling of that kiss. There was absolutely nothing subtextual in this kiss. Completely and fully heart on the sleeve.

Finally, breathlessly, they broke apart and their foreheads fell together.

“I missed you so fucking much,” he whispered, but his voice was clear over the backing music of the rain. “You have no idea.”

It was okay. She wasn’t worried anymore. About any of it.

“Then you’ll have to show me how much you missed me. How sorry you are,” she grinned, moving her hands down from where they’d tangled in his hair to grip his hand tight. Letting each finger slip between one of his. Pulling him as she slowly walked backwards. And then she started to run.

“Where are we going?” he laughed, running slightly behind her as his feet splashed in the puddles.

She just smiled back at him. “Getting out of this rain!”

“My place is so close, though!”

She stopped a moment, breathing heavily and chest heaving, and smiled up at him brightly, pulling him towards her using the hands that were connected.

“Maybe I  _ do _ want to stay out in the rain just a moment.”

And he kissed her again, lifting her feet off the ground by her waist and eliciting a loud and melodious laugh. With her face elevated above his, she leaned down to his lips, drawing them into hers languidly. She never wanted to stop kissing him. One of her legs, suspended in the air, lifted up behind her as she felt the kiss all down her body.

“Let’s go,” she said, letting him place her back down and entwining their hands once more. 

They ran all the way home, not caring about the puddles splashing up at them or the passers by giving them funny looks. Not caring that they were growing out of breath because they were running on adrenaline.

By the time they reached all the way to Suki’s they were soaking wet and high on each other’s presence.

She drew him through the front door as she had many times before, holding on tight to his hand. She wasn’t going to let him go ever again. It was impossible to break the dreamy smiles on either of their faces. 

The apartment was clear, but she wouldn’t have cared even if it wasn’t. They finally reached Suki’s bedroom, and she locked the door behind them. Bryce pulled her in to kiss her again, sweet, slow, like he couldn’t get enough. It felt like she’d taken him home for the first time. 

He pulled away to take his time unbuttoning her blouse, letting his fingers slide over each button and brush her skin underneath. But even as he bared her chest and slipped the sopping blouse from her shoulders, Bryce’s eyes never left Suki’s face. He was soaking up the colour of her eyes, her skin; the soft, heavy-lidded expression.

***

He immediately dropped to his knees to feather tender kisses all over her stomach, her breasts, unzipping her skirt to get to her hips too. With light fingers, he pulled her skirt down her legs before his lips travelled back up her body, pulling her closer. As he kissed back around her breast, he grazed his teeth over her nipple and she gasped, her head falling back.

She sighed as she wound her fingers through his hair, almost pained by the swell she felt at his affection. He licked and lapped and gently bit and Suki already felt her stomach start to contract and a heat between her thighs.

Cupping her hands under his chin, Suki reluctantly encouraged Bryce back to standing, getting lost in his eyes once more as he stood. Both hands found their way to his hips, sliding underneath his shirt and pulling it up his body, letting her hands grace his skin as she did so. Slow, soft. She never thought she’d get the chance to touch him like this again.

They both let out a light laugh at the fact they were still shivering, tangling their hands together like they couldn’t keep them off one another for even a second. They were drunk in the moment. Something was different. Something had changed. They took their time just drinking each other in. They were looking at each other as though perhaps it was the first time they really saw each other. 

Moving in to kiss again, Bryce hoisted Suki’s legs up around his waist by her ass, before walking them over to the bed. He placed her down gently, staying attached as he leaned down over her. Suki tried to use her legs to shift Bryce’s pants down his legs, laughing at the action before having to give up and let him do it himself. He lowered himself down her body, hooking his fingers into the band of her lacy briefs.

“Suki,” he paused, looking up at her with soft, adoring eyes, “I don’t want to rush this. I want you to be sure we’re doing this. After so long things change and…”

“Bryce, I’ve never been more sure of anything. I missed you so much. I-” she blushed, “well, you know.”

“I know.”

She gulped with anticipation and he finally slid them down her legs. Bryce went down on Suki like he was praying to her. Like she was the Persephone to his Hades. Hands splayed flat over her stomach, feeling each contraction as his tongue flicked and tasted her. One of his hands reached up to knead her breast and she reached hers down to thread through his hair. It was soft and wet from the rain. And suddenly the sight of Bryce between Suki’s legs was making her more breathless than the growing pleasure; he was really there and giving her everything. After so long apart, the familiarity of sleeping with him could bring her to tears. But, it still felt different to usual. This time they allowed themselves to want it all; want the pleasure, want the affection, want each and every part of one another. When he sent her over the edge shortly after, Suki was craving his kiss more than ever. He came up to meet her face, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand, and it might just have been the sexiest thing on earth.

“You’re amazing,” she breathed.

“I know.” 

Suki laughed. He leaned down and tugged a gentle bite on her shoulder, and she let her hand roam over his chest, feeling the shapes and lines and curves she’d missed so much. He sucked down on the spot on her shoulder, and she was about to chastise him about making a mark before remembering she didn’t give a damn. She wanted his marks all over her body. 

“You’re incredible,” he said as he pulled away. And in that moment, she really did feel it. He made her feel that way.

The rest of the night was an ecstasy of bittersweetness as they rediscovered each other, not afraid to hold back anymore. And everything was in high definition. His familiar citrus scent mixed with rain washing over her. The way his pupils glowed with warmth as they looked at each other. The sound of his soft grunts and heavy breaths. She let herself be noisy—he’d always liked that.

It didn’t feel dirty or desirous like sex between them often did (and absolutely, something they enjoyed very much); it was all the romanticised parts of sex. The way Bryce’s fingers interlocked with hers and gripped her down on the mattress like he was holding onto to the two of  _ them. _ The breathless gasps and hooded eyes and swollen lips. The languid, drawn out kisses with a hum in the throat from the pleasure. The endless kisses everywhere else: on her forehead, her cheeks, her nose, her ears, her neck, her breasts, her stomach. They were feathery but it was like with each kiss he said another apology. His hips rocked into her like an old song she was hearing through new ears. And when they both came undone they let out all the tension with it; all the months of pain and pining and convincing themselves they were alone in this—all that escaped them as they fell into each other’s arms. They were together now. All was okay.

***

Suki lay against Bryce’s chest, breathing heavily and utterly content.

“Here’s one for the ego: you’re a sex god,” she grinned as she beckoned his face down to hers for a soft kiss.

“What happened to ‘I’m not here to boost your ego’?”

“Me realising I’d listen to you ramble on about everything you’re perfect at if it meant I’d never lose you again. And because, well, you’re right. You’re sort of annoyingly perfect.”

He placed a long, evocative kiss to the top of her head.

“You’re stuck with me now. You mean a lot to me.”

“I can’t believe we ended up here.  _ How _ did we end up here?” she laughed breathlessly, perching her chin on his chest so that she could look up into his eyes.

“I don’t know. I think I knew somewhere that first time we kissed.”

Suki’s eyes widened as he looked at her completely seriously, no sense of mocking in his words. “Oh.”

Somewhere, if she was honest, she’d known too.

—-

Waking up with Bryce cocooning around Suki was the best way she might’ve ever woken up. His warm arms entirely wrapped around her naked body; no shame, no embarrassment, no insecurity—just wrapped in his embrace. The sheets tangled lazily around their legs, and Suki smiled at the familiar ray of morning sun that was illuminating the mattress. Reminding her of the first night he’d spent here. Illuminating her hip and Bryce’s behind it, his warm brown skin even warmer looking in the yellow-y shimmer. The literal embodiment of the insane afterglow Suki was feeling.

She finally had him back. Holding her tight like he never wanted to let go. 

They still had lots to discuss, she knew that, but she also knew in her gut that from now on it was all going to be okay.

She smiled dreamily as she watched the little of the world she could see out her window, in the arms of the man she… well, he knew.

He stirred behind her a few minutes later, and she felt his lips brush over her shoulder, to her neck.

“Good morning,” he murmured, voice a sexy morning croak vibrating against her skin. She almost shivered at the sound of it.

She turned so she could see him, swept some hair from his forehead and leant in to lay a gentle kiss to it.

“A good morning indeed.”

“I have to admit this has to be the best way I’ve woken up, maybe ever.”

“Funny. I was just thinking that.”

He slid his hand up her back, playing with the hair at the nape of her neck, “What do you want for breakfast?”

“Um, nothing made by you. No offence,” she chortled.

“Offence taken, answer the question,” he laughed.

“Bryce I’m serious—I don’t want food poisoning!”

“You do realise it’s been literal months since we’ve had the food conversation. I’ve had a lot of time with my own thoughts and I spent it learning new hobbies.”

Her mouth twisted up in a grin, “Like cooking?”

“Like cooking.”

“Go on…”

“It probably was only slightly motivated by the vision I have imprinted in my brain of you nearly naked on my island…”

“Oh?” she smirked, and he moved in to pull her for a kiss.

“So, I can make you whatever you like.”

She bit her lip and hovered her mouth just above his ear, before whispering, “You can make me do what you did last night.”

When she pulled away he had an absolutely devilish grin on his face. “Deal.”

They kissed again, before Suki’s stomach rumbled a little too loudly.

“Oops.”

His face twisted up and his brow furrowed.

“What’s wrong?”

“I can’t make you breakfast anyway. Your roommates might see.”

She smiled down at him, snaking her hand from his chest up his neck and to his cheek, and leaning in close to his face. “Let them.”

His face lit up, that gorgeous smile she loved so much. “Really?”

“Yeah. Fuck the rules, right? So of course I’m going to show you off.”

Bryce actually looked so sappy in that moment that Suki was a little concerned he might start crying. And she thought  _ she _ was the insanely emotional one at this moment.

“You’re soft,” she teased.

“Not really,” he grinned, moving the lower half of his body closer so that she could feel that he was indeed, not soft.

“Idiot.”

He chuckled, before thinking for a moment. “My uh, clothes are still wet. We didn’t put them in the dryer…”

And sure enough, in her peripheral over his shoulder, they were on the floor, still sopping wet. Oops. They’d been a little too preoccupied.

She bit her lip awkwardly, “I still have that pair of your pants, from Christmas…”

His face twisted up in humour. “You do?”

She nodded, covering her face with her hands a little. He laughed and tightened his arms around her.

“I can’t believe you kept them. It’s been like, seven months.”

“Says the guy who sent me the sappiest video ever!”

“Okay okay, we’re even.”

“They’re in that drawer,” she pointed to the correct one, “I’ll see if I can get some coffee sorted while you get them on.”

“One minute, you’re not going anywhere yet,” he muffled a smile into her neck where he placed kisses as he held her with his whole body. She laughed as she pretended to try and get him off, actually swooning at the attention.

Eventually, after far too many stolen kisses to be described as ‘just one more’, Suki got out of bed and put on a pair of underwear and a silky robe. She slid on her slippers and grinned at Bryce giddily one more time before shuffling out of her bedroom.

She could hear hushed voices coming from the kitchen and felt a little embarrassed at her appearance and the thought of telling them Bryce was here, but honestly, not as much as she might’ve a few months ago.

“Hey,” she smiled bashfully around at her friends as she emerged through the kitchen opening in the robe with very obvious sex hair. They were all stood around the kitchen island. Aurora shot her a smug smirk. 

“Suki! Who the hell do you have in there?” Sienna whisper-shouted.  _ Oops _ . She hadn’t realised they already  _ knew _ she wasn’t alone. She had been hoping to break it to them a little softer. Especially the fact that it was  _ Bryce. _

“Uh-”

“I do not need to know. You’re like my sister,” Elijah shuddered. 

“Suki, I know I must be mistaken, but I’m being serious right now when I say that—”

But just before Jackie had the chance to finish her sentence, they heard creaking of the floorboards. Everyone hushed and turned to watch. 

Bryce emerged from the entrance in the grey sweatpants Suki had pointed out to him, grinning with a touch of sheepishness, hands in pockets. God, he looked so good.

_ Ah shit. I thought he’d wait a moment. Guess the cat’s out of the bag now. _

Suki looked around to her friends, who all looked like they needed their jaws picking up off the floor. Except Aurora, of course, who looked a little dubious but not surprised.

“Holy—”

“Hey,” he greeted as he slowly came to stand beside Suki. This sort of situation would normally have Suki more embarrassed than a beetroot, but with Bryce next to her she somehow felt a lot better.

“I was kind of hoping I heard wrong. But nope, that’s Bryce all right,” Jackie looked physically disgusted by the thought of someone sleeping with Bryce. 

Suki blushed and giggled nervously, “Did you say  _ heard? _ ”

“That’s what I was going to say before he appeared. ‘I thought I dreamed you were calling out Bryce’s name during sex’.”

“Oh my god.” Suki buried her face in her hands. She could already imagine the smug grin working its way onto Bryce’s face. 

“I don’t mean to brag but, I’m sure that would be the case even if it  _ was _ someone else.”

“Bryce!” Suki shoved him lightly, eliciting from him a laugh and a wink at the others. Obviously he meant to brag, as was custom.

“Do you really not have a shirt you could wear?” Jackie asked. It was clear in a hilarious way that her gaze was staying at the top half of his body, given that he wasn’t wearing boxers and Suki certainly noticed his… shape.

“It’s wet.”

“I don’t even wanna know what the fuck that’s about.”

“It was raining!”

She looked relieved but still shook her head a little as she moved to sit at the table.

“Pancakes, man?” Elijah asked, trying to hide that he looked slightly horrified at the whole ordeal.

“Oh, yeah, that would be amazing. Thank you.”

And weirdly enough, the group settled in to eat breakfast like they would if Bryce had come through the front door. No one asked about it really, figuring if the two wanted to share, they would. Sure, there were a couple of mocking comments and questioning looks, but generally the group felt normal. Like they had before any of this happened, and Suki’s heart swelled peacefully. It probably helped that Bryce was holding her hand under the table.

—-

A little later Bryce and Suki found themselves back in bed, paying no attention to a movie on the TV.

“So I guess now I need to ask what it was all about. If you didn’t mean it why did you say it?” she asked, turning to him. He sighed and bit his lip before speaking.

“I didn’t think I was good enough for you. And you—you’re so kind and forgiving you would’ve just carried on being around me. I didn’t wanna break you,” he said. 

Bryce, the most confident man she’d ever met, was insecure.

“That’s for me to decide, though. You shouldn’t have made the decision for me.”

“I know. It was stupid. I don’t have the best track record and I just—I didn’t know what was best.”

“What do you mean? Because you slept with a lot of people and didn’t do relationships? Because that’s fine Bryce, I wouldn’t call that a bad track record.”

“No. I’ve had a couple of relationships and I always fucked them up. Not just romantic relationships either, I fuck them all up,” he sighed, pulling a hand down his face and moving to sit on the edge of the bed, legs planted to the floor.

_ Is this what he’d meant before? If only you knew what a screw up I was? _

Suki moved over to him and placed her hand on his back comfortingly, letting him go on in his own time.

“Well it’s…” he sighed, weighing up his options. He looked at her briefly, saw the sincerity in her eyes, and continued. “It’s my parents. They’re, uh, they’re criminals. In jail and everything…” he told her about what they did, about them getting caught, about the mean kids at school and never being taken seriously. About how his torn relationship with his parents and distant relationship with his sister set the precedent for every other connection he’d had since. How he’d self-destruct and never commit and hurt people even if he never meant to.

Suki didn’t interrupt, she just listened until he had nothing more left to say.

“So I, I didn’t wanna ruin you in the way I had with so many others.”

She shook her head, “Give me a little more credit,” she laughed, “sure, it hurt a whole lot. But you taking time to adjust to fucked up things in your life wouldn’t ruin me. You just need to  _ talk. _ ”

He nodded, deep appreciation in his face.

“I thought I was an embarrassment, too. Somewhere deep down it’s embossed in my brain all that shit that was thrown at me in the wake of my parents’ arrest. I was the butt of the joke for years.”

“Who’s the top medical intern at Edenbrook?” she asked all of a sudden.

His face crinkled up in a smile for the first time in a while. “You.”

“Right! So I know more than some jerks from high school. And I know you’re not a joke.” She held her hand to the back of his neck, soothing down the bottom of his hair with her fingers. Using her other hand she placed a finger on his chin to turn him to face her. “Hey. You’re  _ not _ a joke.”

That was all Bryce needed to hear. All he’d needed to hear for years. So what else could he do other than kiss her like his life depended on it?


	19. It’s Getting Soft In Here, So Put On All Your Clothes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki and Bryce explore their new revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Eee we’ve reached the point where I’ve got the chapter numbers finalised🥺💔 anyway I hope you like this one, once again _smut-adjacent_ content marked with ***  
> (Hello Nikka there is a little something for you in here👀 you will know 😄)
> 
>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  In My Way - Gin Wigmore

Bryce stayed over again that night, both of them wordlessly agreeing because they weren’t ready to let go again. They slept cuddled up as they had the night before, and slept well. Well enough that they were energised to get back to work early the next morning. 

Bryce’s clothes were still a little damp, having been left out the entire previous night. Elijah offered him a shirt, much to the amusement of literally everyone else. So that’s how Bryce wound up going to work in a graphic  _ Star Trek _ shirt. It was a bit of a joke, he knew, Elijah had plenty of sensible shirts. But honestly? He didn’t care one bit. Things were good with Suki. That was all he needed. So what if Jackie and Aurora had caught them making out before work? Jackie had gagged and Aurora gave a light laugh. Suki blushed, which was as adorable as ever. 

He didn’t care, he was just so happy.

Each went to work with a new spring in their step. They worked diligently through the day, and no one could blame them when their thoughts wandered at any sign of alone time.

Suki was just so relieved. She and Bryce were back to how they were before,  _ better _ than that. They’d pretty much told each other how they felt, assuring Suki that nothing was unrequited. Since even the first time that they kissed. And everyone knew, he wasn’t embarrassed of her, there was no hiding it. She didn’t even care that they hadn’t put a label on things. The important thing was that they both agreed they were more than friends with benefits. They  _ liked _ each other. More, even.

That evening, Bryce was taking a shower while Suki sat with Jackie and a hot cocoa in the living room. She knew Bryce would have to leave soon, it wouldn’t be fair on the others to have him lurking about, but they’d asked and everyone said they were okay with it for a couple of nights.

Jackie was twisting her face in all kinds of expressions. They hadn’t talked since the previous morning when all had been revealed, and then briefly that morning when she’d seen the PDA.

Suki sighed, “What?”

“I mean… I kinda guessed you were sleeping with someone but – Bryce??” Jackie said.

This made Suki smirk. “You love him really.”

“I guess,” she grunted, “but like…  _ sleeping _ with him?” she shuddered. Suki shook her head, amused. Then a more genuine but slightly uncomfortable look passed over her face, “I’m happy for you two though. I guess I never considered it because we were all such good friends, but you work well together.”

“We’re not like—we’re just—”

“I get it.”

There was a small silence. 

“I wanna know what you meant by you guessed I was sleeping with someone.”

“Oh come on, Suki. I can hear the creaky footsteps in the night, and you’re always fluttering about off somewhere. Had to be a booty call. Well, until you got in that funk.”

Suki blushed, taking a large gulp from her mug.

“Oh my god. That was to do with him, wasn’t it?” And then it was like a lightbulb went off over Jackie’s head, “ _ Oh my god! _ That’s why you were so pissed at those surgical dicks!”

“You were pissed too.”

“Yeah, but I would’ve kept my cool and not hit anyone. You were impulsive because of your feelings,” she argued, a teasing tone in her voice.

Suki blushed once more, taking a sip of cocoa to give herself some time to think up a response. But what better response than an honest one?

“Yeah. I was.”

A smile curled over Jackie’s face, and she went to say something, before a knocking sound pulled them away from their conversation and they turned their heads over in the direction. It was Suki’s bedroom door, with Bryce’s head poking out.

“I need you a minute,” he said apologetically, hair wet from the shower and dripping over his forehead. It reminded her of a couple of nights before, when he’d been standing in the rain. Her stomach jolted at the memory of him running out after her like that. She turned to Jackie with a shrug and placed her mug down before heading over to him. He’d gone back in and shut the door.

When she entered the room it was to something she had seen many times before, but felt different. Bryce was spread on her bed completely naked. His hands laid under his head in total comfort. He was always hot, and as much as she hated to admit it his confidence definitely bolstered that.  _ Fuck. Is it possible to like this guy any more than I do already? _

“So, my original plan had been to just wait here for you like this, until I realised if I wanted to talk to anyone else I’d maybe need some clothes. So here’s a glimmer of what you could’ve had,” he grinned.

“Clothes shmothes,” she dismissed, going to sit beside him on the bed. “Is that what you needed me for?”

***

“I need you for a lot of things,” he schmoozed with a deep seductive tone. She raised an eyebrow and flattened her palm against his stomach before travelling down. “But yes, I suppose that is the reason I called you in. We only just put those wet clothes in the wash,” he laughed, but Suki could tell part of it was the fact that he was trying to conclude this conversation before he allowed himself to get lost under the way she was touching him. He was already reacting.

“I can probably find  _ something _ , but do you really want me to go and look right now?” she asked quietly, wrapping her hand around him. He jolted slightly and she smirked.

“Yeah, maybe in a little bit,” he breathed.  _ Obviously _ he was naked for a reason. Suki knew he kept spare boxers at work. Idiot.

She placed a soft kiss to his lips, moving her hand slowly up and down him until he felt fully ready. Then she slid down his body and flattened her tongue against him, just where he wanted it. He looked up at her from where he was sitting, a glint in his eye suggesting he enjoyed the view.

“Definitely in a little bit,” he nodded, head falling back and eyes shutting with glee. 

***

After cleaning up Bryce remained sitting up in Suki’s bed waiting for her to find something he could wear. The rainy day clothes were in the wash and Bryce’s sweatpants and reindeer hoodie had joined them, Suki figured now that she had real life Bryce she should probably make sure they were clean.

Bryce had had a spare pair of boxers in his locker at work (one never knows if they’ll end up on a two day shift somehow), so at least he wouldn’t be completely naked if that was all he had. 

Suki pulled out something in a rosey shade of pink. She let it fall out into shape—a very large sweater.

“Suki, that’s huge,” he laughed.

“I know. It was a present from my brother when he was even smaller and had no clue about what adults wear or sizes or anything. I don’t know why my mom let him choose his own gift without any guidance, but she did.”

“That’s sweet, though.”

“It is, and very comfortable. I love just lounging about in it. And I’m hoping,” she pulled it out at the shoulders, “it will fit you okay.”

He shrugged, “Worth a try.” He caught the sweater when it was thrown at him, and began to slip it on. Standing to let the material fall round his body, Suki’s oversized sweater was even a little big on Bryce. It almost covered his boxers, leaving his lean legs on show. It was a very good look for him.

“What do you think?” He did a dramatic twirl.

“Beautiful.” And she really meant it. He was beautiful. “You’ll be fine without pants, right? It is pretty warm.”

“I’ll be fine,” he echoed, “but I should definitely head home tomorrow. You won’t have too many clothes that’ll fit me. Plus, I think Jackie is praying I’ll go each time she sees me,” he snorted.

Suki nodded, knowing he was right but still feeling a sinking sensation in her gut. It had only been a couple of nights, but this time with Bryce had been long overdue and something she never wanted to end, not really. A sudden surge of anxiety passed through her chest at the speed with which they were moving, or at least, that she was moving mentally. But it quickly passed when she looked up to him smiling sheepishly at her. In her jumper.  _ She _ was the only one who got lucky enough to have him looking at her like that. Damn, did that feel amazing.

But then, there was something she needed to clear up. A good relationship, defined or not, wasn’t built on a lack of communication.

“About Jackie…” she said, going to sit on the bed whilst awkwardly twiddling her thumbs.

Bryce had known this was coming, it was only a matter of when. He went to perch beside her, one leg on the bed fully so that he was angled toward her. 

“So, when you said things were different with Jackie?”

“She didn’t give me a choice,” he half laughed, “she said I was being stupid and that she’d just keep talking to me anyway. I was annoyed at her, but… as much as it hurt, the fact that you respected my feelings means a lot to me.” He reached out and took one of her hands in his. With a deep intake of breath, Suki faced him. Her eyes were glassy.

“Oh, Suki,” he whispered, pulling her into his shoulder.

“I’m just so frustrated about it all. If I’d just demanded you to talk to me instead of pushing you away in some useless attempt to protect my feelings then we could’ve been over this months ago.”

“It wasn’t your fault. You said it perfectly yourself, I pushed you away in some useless attempt to protect your feelings, but the damage was already done, right?”

She nodded against him, letting her arms squeeze right around his torso.

“You didn’t deserve the way I made you feel, and really, I should’ve come to you the moment Jackie came to me. Please don’t put this on yourself.” He rubbed his hands up and down her back softly.

She pulled her head off but kept her arms around him, looking into his eyes, “Will you let me compromise with ‘we were both silly idiots afraid of our feelings’?”

That was what she needed. A rational explanation and cathartic feeling things.

He laughed, “Yeah that probably sounds about right.” Then his face scrunched up, something on his mind.

“What do you need, Bryce?” she asked, and he cocked his head a little at the question.

“Huh?”

“Tell me what it is  _ you _ need. Because if it’s forgiveness, I forgave you a long time ago. Please stop punishing yourself for it.” 

“I hurt you so much,” he lamented.

“Yeah, you did. But you also hurt yourself. And I’m requesting kindly that you be easier on yourself,” she said, squeezing her arms tighter around him.

He laughed a little. “How did this turn from me comforting you to you comforting me?” 

“Because we look after each other.”

“You’re too fucking good for me.”

“ _ Bryce. _ Remember what I said the other day? I know shit, and you’re not a joke and you’re not bad or cruel or not good enough. You’re amazing. Where’s that gigantic ego?” she laughed, teasing him.

“Gigantic? Are you talking about something else?”

“There it is.”

“We really are silly idiots aren’t we?” he shook his head.

“Yeah, I reckon so,” she smiled, wrapping her arms even further around him so that her head pulled closer. “But I think we’ll be just fine if it’s both of us.”

“Speaking of ‘silly idiots afraid of our feelings’, there is something I’d like to have another try at.”

Her mouth pulled up in a curious smile. “Okay…”

“Suki Moore, I like you a lot. As more than a friend, more than a fuck buddy.” 

Suki felt a familiar blush creep up through her cheeks, but it was accompanied by a giddy expression. There it was. Plain and simple. No miscommunication.  _ Bryce likes me. _

“I suppose mine was a bit shitty, too, can I try again?”

He nodded.

“You’re very important to me, and I have feelings for you,” she said candidly with a shy smile. He looked extremely smug at this, but in the most adorable way.

“You still scared?”

“A little. We’re not running anymore, though.”

“I think we’re still running, just in a different direction.”

She smiled warmly as she thought about that. Yes, they were running towards each other; running together. He grinned mischievously, and suddenly Suki yelped as Bryce pressed her back into the mattress with his body and began kissing her.

She gave in for a moment. Losing herself in him as she always did. Before pulling back a little.

“As much as I’m loving this, I feel like we should go and show our faces. I don’t want to be those super antisocial people who hide out all day.” She was about to say couple, but stopped herself at the assumption of the word.

“Ugh, fine. I was hoping to get you all to myself. But if you insist,” he rolled his eyes playfully, placing a gentle kiss to the underside of her jaw.

They reluctantly stepped out into the main room, where Jackie was still sitting on the sofa, her hot cocoa finished on the coffee table. Except now she had been joined by the rest of the group, too. Suki and Bryce walked up to them.

“There they are!” Elijah called, then looked at Bryce in only boxers and a pink sweater, “Did you need some pants, dude?”

Bryce smirked and put his hands on his hips, shooting a leg out in a pose.

“Put it away!” Jackie screamed, causing a laugh from the others.

“But nah, thanks for the offer, but I’m great as I am.”

Elijah nodded, and Suki and Bryce sat on the end of the sofa.

“Please never make out in a communal space again, this morning I wanted to bleach my eyes,” Jackie said.

“I’m not making any promises,” Bryce stretched out his arms over the back of the sofa. Suki shook her head affectionately. 

“So, I guess… I have some questions,” Sienna said.

“Ask away,” replied Suki. 

“How long have you been… you know…?”

Bryce looked at Suki, and an unspoken agreement to not mention the dark days passed between them.

“Pretty much since October,” said Suki.

“How the hell did we not notice?” Elijah threw his hands up in bafflement. 

“I’m like the pink panther,” Bryce chuckled motioning at himself, “quite literally today.”

Aurora shook her head in amusement, and Suki knew that even if Aurora hadn’t known from the outset she would’ve worked it out soon enough. She was too smart. Having Aurora as a source of solace throughout the whole thing had truly been a pillar for Suki. She made a mental note to make it up to her over the years to come.  _ God knows she deserves it. _

There were a couple of questions, nothing too cutting, and thankfully, somehow, nothing that meant they had to answer the awkward ‘are you in a relationship?’ question. For the moment, Suki was going to let things come as they may, the question didn’t need to be answered just yet. They laughed and talked for a small while, before the TV was switched on and they all sat in a comfortable mixture of watching, talking, and messaging friends they hadn’t a chance to while at work all day.

“Suki, you’ll never believe this,” Bryce said at one point, nudging her gently. 

“What?!”

“One of my old college friends posted some throwback pics on insta and…” he turned the phone so that Suki could see.

“Holy shit is that… that’s us right?” Sure enough, in the background of the first picture were a much younger Bryce and Suki making out pretty violently. She remembered it as she looked, how attractive he’d been, what a good kisser. Of course, he was still both of those things. But seeing their first proper meeting captured forever stirred something in her.

“Yeah, I got tagged,” he said, face contorted slightly awkwardly, “I hope to god we don’t look like that any more,” he laughed. 

“No way. We were wasted and this was a good seven years ago.”

He nodded convincingly, swiping through the rest of the pictures.

Jackie and Aurora gave each other a look which definitely meant:  _ yes, you absolutely still look like that. And we’ll be talking about that past. _

—-

As they settled down into bed, Bryce turned to Suki with an unusual nervousness she’d seen a lot more these past few days. The fact that she made him nervous felt good. Only because he too, made her nervous.

“So, I know this topic is a bit… just let me know if I’m moving too fast ok? But given you have roommates and all… I wondered if you’d want to stay ‘round mine a bit instead?”

_ Oh _ . Truthfully, Suki would love that. She’d been dreading him leaving so the thought of prolonging their shared time was definitely an appealing proposition. Since they spent so much time at work, thinking about being able to just come home and melt into his arms (and maybe fuck) at the end of a long day was just… bliss. And it wasn’t like she was moving in, so there was no rush of worry over heavy commitment. 

“Just for a couple of nights!” he rushed when she didn’t answer straight away, “Like, just instead of me encroaching here…”

“I think that would be nice.”

“Oh! Yeah—I mean, cool.”

“Cool,” she echoed warmly, watching his face in the almost-dark.

“And um, I’d like to get the chance to cook for you,” he added unsurely.

“I’d like that,” she smiled, “but if I get sick it’s your fault!”

“Hey! I’ve been okay!”

“Do you remember when you were sick and we kissed?” 

“Yeah?”

“I did come down with something. So it would be the second time I could blame you.”

He moved closer, pulling her towards him, “I won’t cook anything that you’ll get sick from. And if you do, I’ll be there this time.”

“I know. I’m just fucking with you,” she said quietly, but was completely touched by the way he reassured her and the look on his face.

“I would never have forgotten that kiss, you know. It was the last one, before…”

“Yeah.” And she pulled him in to her, saying things she couldn’t say because they still hurt, saying that she couldn’t get enough of him. And he told her back.

—-

It was bittersweet when Bryce left the next morning, since it would be a couple of days since she’d see him next with their rotas, but it would feel amazing to be at his place with no one else around. The days passed by soon enough, anyway, as within no time she was scraping through her shift before she would head over to Bryce’s.

She was just off to get some coffee from the staff room. Entering and making her way to the coffee machine where someone was already standing making a cup, Suki was just working on auto-pilot. As she neared, she realised she recognised the man. It was Ben.  _ Ugh _ . Too late to turn back now. He’d clocked her anyway, and was glancing.

“Oh. It’s you,” he grunted as she stepped up beside him.

She just nodded, slightly embarrassed about the last time she’d seen him.  _ Hey, it’s me, remember when I punched your friend? Haha. Nice to see you again. _

“He’s fine, by the way,” he continued, pressing the lid down on his drink.

“Who? Fred? I know.” She placed her own cup on the mat and pressed some buttons to get her desired type of drink.

“No, Bryce. Thanks to me not reporting him he ended up landing another surgery. He’s thriving,” he rolled his eyes. Thankfully they were quiet enough that people around couldn’t hear. She still scanned her eyes around before talking anyway.

“...Reporting you?”

“Yeah, for what happened a few months ago.”

Suki didn’t know how to respond, but she felt a little worried about what he might be talking about. Why the hell would he report Bryce? What happened a few months ago? She wouldn’t know, they weren’t speaking at that point. 

“He punched me,” he reiterated, as though it was something which should be obvious to her, “I guess you’re well matched.” 

_ Holy shit.  _ She tried to keep her shock at bay, she didn’t want to give this jerk the satisfaction of knowing he knew something about Bryce that she didn’t. 

“Guess we are,” she shot back, crossing her arms and just waiting for him to leave. When it was apparent he wasn’t budging, she sighed, picked up her now full cup, and left herself.

It seemed she had some things to talk about with Bryce.

—-

A few hours later, Suki was knocking on Bryce’s door with a bag of belongings over her shoulders. And a frustrated expression. 

He opened up with a grin, which promptly fell when he saw her face. She stomped past him.

“You hit Ben? After getting pissed at me for Fred?”

“Ah, shit. Suki—”

“You didn’t tell me?”

“Because you’d ask why. And because, as you just pointed out, I’m the world's biggest hypocrite.”

“Why?”

He sighed. “Because he was a piece of shit to you.”

“Yeah? A lot of people are dicks.”

“He told me what he said to you. I didn’t want him to get out of saying that to you for free!”

“It’s kind of sweet I guess,” she grunted, before shouting: “But I’m mad! I did the exact same thing and fucked everything up!”

“Suki, I said it before—that was me, not you!”

“You’re a douche,” she growled, pulling her bag off her shoulder and pushing him down onto his sofa where he landed with a bounce.

As she started to straddle him, he was already smirking. He knew her well enough by now to know there was no malice here.

“What are you going to do about it?”

She pinned his shoulders to the back of the sofa and attacked his lips, a ferocity and pressure. He brought an arm around to grip her waist tight, before using his other to push them up to standing. She gasped a little at the action, and he adjusted her on him by placing both hands on her ass.

***

He walked them through to the bedroom, kissing the whole time, and pressed her up against the nearest wall.

“Here,” she breathed.

“Oh really?” he quirked an eyebrow.

“Fuck off and get on with it.”

He grinned, and did as she said. 

They began to move against each other and the wall, breaths growing heavier with each movement.

“Ah, fuck,” she breathed through gritted teeth, the cool wall behind her becoming slick with her sweat as Bryce pushed into her. Though it started with frustration and harshness, as they kept going their faces became softer and it was clear they weren’t able to keep up the ruse as much as they tried. Eyes boring into the others’ saying the things they thought but never said. Suki even got a little nostalgic.

“It’s making me think,” she breathed, “of the supply closet.” 

“You wanna fuck in there?” he asked through grunts.

“Ha!” she laughed breathlessly, “Maybe, but I meant it’s like the time we kissed.”

“I would’ve fucked you then, by the way.”

“Charming.”

He chuckled as he bit down on her neck. “Just trying to keep it sexy.”

“That kiss wasn’t sexy?”

“Oh, it was,” he kissed her and they moved together until they were both loudly cursing one another’s names and gripping onto each other while they tensed and fell into their ecstasies.

***

The fact that they were in such a honeymoon phase that they couldn’t even have angry make-up sex was kind of funny. They hadn’t even properly argued. She just  _ couldn’t _ stay mad at him. He’d defended her honour (albeit in maybe the worst way), even when he’d claimed not to care about her. She did make a mental note to not let herself get so wound up about anything that she’d hit someone again, though, and another to make sure Bryce didn’t either.

Suki looked like the physical heart eyes emoji as she watched Bryce cooking her dinner. He was still slightly unsure of himself, but she chalked that down to her presence, since he seemed to know exactly what to put where. He rushed around, picking up ingredients and putting things in dishes and shooting Suki a grin pretty frequently. It was so cute watching him.

He plated it up and they sat on his sofa to eat.

“Okay—this is really good!” Suki enthused after the first bite.

“Why, thank you very much. Didn't I tell you?”

“You did. Of course now I’ll make you cook for me more often.”

“I’m still learning, but I think it’s pretty successful.”

“Thank you very much for making this for me.”

As they ate they laughed about random things and generally felt comfortable and at ease.

After Suki helped Bryce with the dishes, they once more found themselves on the sofa. Bryce turned to face her fully, an unnerving seriousness in his face. 

“I want to draw up a new contract.”

“Um, what do you mean? I thought we—”

“Hold on a minute. This agreement is important to me, and I hope you want to do it too.”

She gulped, so afraid he was going to suggest they go back to being fuck buddies.

“Rules include things such as: cooking each other dinner; sex, of course; hand-holding; kissing, can’t forget that one; maybe like, going out and stuff, i don’t know, maybe somewhere nice—”

“Bryce, I mean, it sounds great. But look, I’m not—I don’t want to—”

“Suki, you’ve not asked me what it’s for yet. What it’s called.”

“Ok,” she sighed, “what’s it called?”  _ How to have a friend with benefits and a little more freedom? _

“It’s called: Bryce and Suki’s relationship agreement. Let me know if it’s too soon… but we've known each other for months and, I don’t ever plan on losing you again.”

“Bryce I’m not sure I—”

“I’m asking you to be my girlfriend, if you’ll have me.”

_ Oh. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have to credit BBC’s _In The Flesh_ for heavily inspiring one of these dialogues, if you haven’t seen it go do it😌
> 
> ALSO just thanks, for everything. I won’t get too sappy until I post the final chapter but I’ve finished writing it now and I’m just v bittersweet but yeah thank you all❤️


	20. Adored

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki answers Bryce’s question, and they take steps regarding her answer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  In And Out Of Love - Oh Wonder

_ Oh _ . Bryce was asking her to be his girlfriend. It seemed silly that she was shocked about it now he’d said it, but Suki wasn’t expecting that at all. After everything they’d been through, she had never imagined them ending up here. Happy, so happy they were unable to have angry make-up sex without melting into one another. Not skirting around trying to not be friendly, or then not accepting their feelings. Everything was on the table. There was only one answer for Suki. Relationship gun-shy and only wanted casual sex… there was only one thing she wanted. She reached her hands across to grab his, smooth and large and so comfortingly familiar.

“Of course I’ll have you, Bryce.” Really, there was nothing she wanted more.

All the nerves in his face seemed to dissipate as his features settled into a relieved grin.

“Well, you know, you weren’t a relationship person, so I was a little nervous.”

“You weren’t either, I think we’ve solved it. Get into a relationship with someone who doesn’t want a relationship.”

“Nah, you  _ made _ me a relationship guy.” The look in his eyes as he said that could just melt Suki. 

“Well, same, but I wasn’t going to say it.”

“So, we can like, hold hands and shit now,” he wiggled his eyebrows.

Suki gasped. “Not yet, Bryce! Don’t move so fast,” she giggled, face in mock aghast, pulling her hands from his.

“True, we haven’t even slept together yet. Don’t want you to know I’m secretly a freak.”

“Oh?” she laughed, lifting a leg up so she could move to straddle him. She settled down into his lap like it was the only place she wanted to be. Her home. “I like everything about you, I wouldn’t worry,” she muttered as her hand rested on his cheek. It was true. Even his annoying cockiness, his perfectionism—all of it. 

“That’s good, because that’s how I feel about you,” he said softly. His arms around her were like a life ring, solid and warm and keeping her above sea. 

She knew he didn’t define her, he wasn’t the reason for how she felt about herself or any of that—but he helped her feel full. Not whole, full. She wasn’t a fan of the two halves of a heart thing, but maybe the heart doubling in size felt right.

“Cool.”

“So like, maybe we can fuck in a few months then?” he grinned as his hands came around to squeeze her ass.

“Yeah, I don’t know. You might have to wait longer than that.”

“I know we’re joking, but I would’ve.”

“Hm?”

“Waited. However long you wanted to. You know, if our relationship had a different start.”

“I know you would’ve. You don’t need to rub in how sickeningly perfect you are for me.”

He smirked, but there was warmth and sincerity beneath the smugness. “It’s weird, though,” he furrowed his eyebrows with his smile.

“What is?”

“Like, I can’t believe I really looked at you, kissed you, slept with you, and thought: yeah, no chance of getting feelings.” He shook his head in disbelief, that light smile as he looked at her adoringly. Suki couldn’t believe she’d thought the same about him. 

“I can’t believe I tried to pretend I didn’t have feelings for so long. Or that we thought a stupid list would help anything.”

“What about my new rules? Those will work.”

“Yeah, because there are no restrictions,” she pointed out, then pursed her lips. “It’s weird how comfortable I feel right now.”

“Disarming, right? We’ve just agreed to be in a relationship and I’m not freaking out at all.”

“Maybe it’ll come on when I’ve left.”

“Nah, I know it won’t. I feel it,” he ran his hands up and down her thighs comfortingly. “Still scared?”

And as it hit her she felt like she could exhale. “No. I don’t think I am.” Knowing exactly what they meant to each other, was a breath of fresh air. She leaned in to kiss him briefly, letting their lips mingle in their comfort and happiness. She also felt it. This wasn’t scaring her at all. Maybe  _ that _ scared her, but not really.

“So I guess now that I have a girlfriend,” he beamed wide as they broke apart, “I can take her on a date?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” she grinned as she dropped her arms down to perch on his chest. Hearing him say that was… natural.

“You just wait, I’ll take you on the best date you’ve ever been on.”

“I look forward to it.” She didn’t doubt it.

“I wanna do it properly though, come pick you up from your apartment and stuff,” he said.

“I only just got here,” she chuckled. “Kicking me out already?”

He sighed dramatically. “I guess I can wait a couple of days. We’ll have to wait ‘til we have time off, anyway.”

“I’m going to want you to cook for me again, too.”

“Oh, don’t you worry about that. Got lots to show you. I’m basically a pro now.”

Suki laughed, looking down at her, well, at her boyfriend. And everything was well. She got to call him hers, something she’d wanted in silence for far too long.

When they curled up together in Bryce’s bed that night, his scent all around her as much as his arms, Suki felt safe, and a calm-edged elation. He wasn’t going anywhere that night, and neither was she.

The next few days were domestic bliss. Cooking together, hugs from behind, coming home from work to the other, sleeping together, stealing kisses whenever they could, and a definite overuse of their new identifiers. They truly felt like a couple. 

—-

A few days later, Suki headed home the night before their date. They wanted to do it properly. It was sad, sleeping alone, but it was a far cry from how she’d felt after they’d argued.  _ He’s my boyfriend now. I know he’s coming back. I’m not worried. _ She’d be seeing him tomorrow, and that made it exciting. Jittery because they were making it special.

When the morning came she took her time getting ready. She had to work between then and the date, but she still wanted to make sure she looked and felt good from the start. So she went about her day as she normally would, not letting thoughts of Bryce,  _ her boyfriend, _ distract her.

When she eventually got home in the late afternoon, she showered and washed her face once more. Then she threw on her favourite summer dress, hoping it would be right for whatever the occasion was. She was restless and nervous and excited and must’ve paced her room a hundred times. It was silly. She’d seen Bryce so often, done things with him so often. But now that he was her boyfriend, and it was just the two of them, labelled ‘date’ no less, it felt really big.

The most exciting part might’ve been that she had absolutely no idea where he was going to take her or what they would do.

But whatever it was, she was also certain she’d have a good time. 

Finally, after the anticipation had killed and revived her a million times, there was a knock at the door. She practically skipped over to it to reveal Bryce, a neat bouquet in front of his face. It wasn’t flashy or large, but organised and pretty and just what Suki liked. They’d never talked about flowers, he just seemed to know that anyway. He was wearing a short sleeve black button-up, tucked into beige chinos. The top button was undone, revealing a healthy slither of golden chest.  _ He’s so hot without even trying. _

“Flowers?” she grinned.

“That’s no way to greet your boyfriend,” he mirrored her as he moved the flowers away from his face. A face she found herself getting lost in once again.

She took them from him, smiling as she inhaled the scent. “They’re gorgeous.”

“Hm, I’m more into their recipient.”

“Schmoozy.”

He grinned wolfishly and cleared his throat dramatically, holding out an arm with a flourish. “Suki Moore, will you go on a date with me?”

“Yes, I will,” she beamed, feeling giddy and young and like her heart was full. Not the weathered doctor she often felt like. She took his outstretched arm, loving every excuse to touch him, and they started to walk out. “Oh, wait! I should put these in water,” she stopped, remembering the flowers in her grip. Too preoccupied by the guy she was infatuated with.

Suki ran back off into the apartment, hurrying together a vase with some water and placing the flowers in; she’d organise them nicely and feed them later. When there wasn’t an extremely attractive man waiting to take her out. An extremely attractive boyfriend.  _ Her _ boyfriend. Never got old.

She ran back to him, and his hand was twitching by his side, so she took it instinctively.

“Moving a bit fast, aren’t we? For a first date?” he teased.

“We’re walking at about two miles an hour, I’m not sure we can get any  _ slower _ .”

“This is nice though, taking our time.”

She smiled up at him dreamily. 

They walked a little while, the nice weather and company making it unnoticeable. Until they reached a building.

“So,” he cleared his throat, “as you know I don’t know a ton about my sister, but I know she likes the stars. And I guess this is the best you’ll get to meeting her. It feels like a bit of a window into me, if you like. Felt like a good place to start.” He gestured around the outside of the planetarium in front of them.

“I love it,” she smiled. A bittersweet expression passed over his face. “Hey, you’ll see her again when she moves out.”

“I’m missing out on her childhood,” he sighed, before shaking his head and plastering on a smile again, “but I’m here with my beautiful girlfriend for our first ever date. That’s what my focus is right now,” he reassured her as he squeezed her hand. She knew he’d be okay. Even just mentioning that so casually was something he never would’ve done a few months ago, so she knew he was getting better at talking about his emotions and letting her be there for him while he figured stuff out. She’d ask him later, too. 

They entered and paid the entrance fee (Bryce insisted on covering it), and began to wander around the building. There were all sorts of sculptures and information cards and little tiny artefacts. 

After a while, they came across a really large, dark, room, littered with model planets and a star-studded ceiling. 

Suki beckoned Bryce down to sit on a bench in the centre of the room.

“It’s beautiful. I know it’s just lights and effects but, it’s beautiful,” she sighed happily as her eyes scanned the room.

Bryce’s eyes were on her as he spoke: “Yeah, absolutely stunning.” He wasn’t talking about the stars. Suki felt his eyes on her, the warmth in her cheeks more a comfort than a hindrance like it used to be. “When it’s winter we’ll go see the real stars,” he promised. And Suki was reminded once more of how permanent this felt.  _ When it’s winter. _ He would still be here when it became winter. Sure, it wasn’t totally far off, but it still felt important. Also important, was that Suki still wasn’t afraid. Still didn’t want to run away and hide and never commit to anything like she might’ve in the past. Like she almost always did.

“I’ll hold you to that. But this, it’s really nice.” Understatement. But honestly, how could she say it all properly?

“Yeah.” 

They sat quietly for a bit, just basking in each other's company and the atmosphere.

“All those stars… they make you feel small, don’t they?” she sighed.

“Not at all. They make me feel huge,” he chuckled.

She looked at him, a curious smile on her face. Trust Bryce to probably make a dirty joke. He slid his hand over, melting it to hers.

“All that matter, all those creatures, nature, humans; and out of them all I met you. That makes me pretty fucking gigantic.”

“You laughed when I said we felt like fate,” she complained mockingly.

“Well yeah, it was funny. Doesn’t mean I don’t believe it’s true.”

“So you think the stars like us?” she craned her neck up to the ceiling again, holding his hand tight, “you think they’re rooting for us?”

“For sure. We met in California, then again in Massachusetts. Like, those are completely opposite ends of the country. And then to be in the exact same college and the exact same hospital? Yeah, those guys know what they’re doing.”

“Hmm. I hope so. I’d quite like to keep you.”

“I’m all yours.”

She hummed happily, the last time she’d heard those words she’d been terrified and her heart was nearly broken. Now they were a source of comfort.

“Of course I’m also huge in other ways: hugely awesome, hugely sexy, hugely smart, and uhhh, you know,” he winked. She shook her head through a laugh,  _ there he was. _ As that thought went through her head, so did another one.

_ I love you. _

But it wasn’t something she was ready to say out loud yet. Not something she’d even thought about until just now. Well, not explicitly like that. Despite that, she was pretty clear in her head that her boyfriend of merely a week, who’d just made a dick joke—she was in love with. 

“You know guys who always talk about their dick size are always the ones who are lying.”

“Exception to the rule,” he shrugged, smirking. 

After a long moment, she stood, re-holding her hand out to him, “You ready to move?” Sometimes multitudes were better in moderation.

He grinned, taking her hand as he stood too, and entwined their fingers.

They moseyed around a little longer, soaking in each area of the building. They laughed about astrology, and whether Capricorn and Sagittarius were a good match. Then both concluded they were a little iffy on the subject, but that it was fun to engage in. Doctors, of course. Science brain.

When it felt like they’d exhausted the exhibition, they headed back outside into the cool summer air, and took a long detour along the docks.

“I know this place has some bad memories, but I was hoping maybe we could rewrite them,” Bryce suggested.

So they did. They held hands and laughed and dispelled all the bad memories as the sun was setting over the water. Pinks and oranges and flares on the very points of each wave. If there was such a thing as an aura, that was the one the two of them emanated that night. Warm, in the middle of summer, cool breezes, complimentary colours. And their hands, as they always had, melted into each other like the sun was melting into the water.

—-

In the week following their date, Suki and Bryce were just as stupidly happy as they were then. The honeymoon period was well and truly undertaken.

One day in early August, Suki was planning to see Bryce after work. She was just doing final rounds when she received a text.

**Gia Nextdoor:** Hey Suki, super sorry to drop this on you again, but the sitter has cancelled and I’m needed at work in under an hour. I’ll pay you of course, if you’re able to look after Tommy at all?

_ Ah shit, _ she was getting off soon but it would be close. Elijah was home but his shift started in an hour, and everyone else was already at the hospital. Still, she knew she had to help if she could. 

**Suki Moore:** hey! i’m still at work but I should be back just before you leave, it’s no problem :)

**Gia Nextdoor:** I owe you a thousand times. You’re an angel.

She just hoped she’d be able to make it in time. As she rushed through her locker making sure she had everything, she called Bryce.

“Hey, I can’t come tonight,” she said with the phone held up by her shoulder, business and calamity in the background.

“Oh, how come?” She didn’t miss the disappointment he was trying so hard to mask.

“Gia’s texted and she’s in desperate need of someone to watch Tommy. It’s going to be about three quarters of an hour until I even get there and she needs to leave then so I’m cutting it fine,” she rushed.

“You should’ve just asked.”

“I didn’t call you to ask, I called you to let you know I’ll be too exhausted to come over.”

“Well, I know that. But obviously I’m more than happy to help. I can get there in about fifteen minutes.”

And there he was again. Being her hero with no questions asked.

“Okay,”  _ I love you _ . “Thank you so much.”

“Don’t even mention it. But let Gia know I’ll be there.”

“Of course. See you in maybe an hour?”

“Can’t wait.”

The line went dead. Her thoughts drifted a little to when they might be the type of people who hang up with an ‘I love you’, but were quickly dismissed as she opened up her text stream again.

**Suki Moore:** hey, bryce will be there to pick him up but I won’t be far behind if that’s okay

**Gia Nextdoor:** Of course! Again, I owe you both.

Suki stuffed her phone back in her locker before going to finish her shift.

—-

When Suki snuck into her apartment about an hour later, she could hear child’s giggles and a zooming noise. Bryce had Tommy in his arms, and was ‘flying’ him around the apartment. His face was lit up with childlike wonder, carefree exultation; and Suki couldn’t help but smile at the two boys in front of her.  _ This might just be the cutest thing ever.  _ She dropped her bag down where she was.

“Incoming!” she shouted, zooming over with her arms outstretched.

Bryce’s eyes widened comically as he looked at Tommy in reaction to Suki’s appearance. 

“Suki’s here!” Tommy grinned, wiggling in Bryce’s arms. He was much bigger than the last time they’d looked after him, and his words more put-together. Suki had seen him around the apartment block enough times that he’d recognise her. Bryce laughed as he placed the child down so that he could run up and give her a hug (leg-height, but a hug all the same).

And there was something in the way that Bryce looked at her then, something that made her stop breathing for a moment. Eyes sparkling, mouth turned up gently. But she swiftly turned her attention to the child.

“Hey, Tommy! Have you been having fun?”

“Yep! Bryce is making me an aeroplane!” he giggled. She noticed he was able to pronounce the ‘r’ now.

“An aeroplane?”

He nodded, and she stuck her arms straight out to the side, before she started to zoom around the apartment herself. Tommy squeed and soon enough all three of them were running around making funny noises. And Suki fit in seamlessly to the way they’d been playing together. It was fun, silly, weightless. Pretending they were aeroplanes, or schoolchildren, or chefs. Bryce with Tommy was just the sweetest thing Suki had ever seen. He wasn’t embarrassed to just act silly or pretend to be an astronaut or a pony. And it hit her again.  _ I love you. _

When Gia arrived Tommy had been worn-out, and they passed him to her mid-sleep. She thanked them and handed them some money which they refused but she insisted. Gia’s eyes flicked between the two people in front of her, seeming to try and figure something out.

“Well, nice to see you both, again. I hope you’re doing well.”

“You were right,” Suki blurted out, letting her eyes flick to Bryce for a moment. He looked confused, and Gia’s expression shifted from mirroring Bryce’s to understanding.

She grinned as she noticed the intention of the words and looked between them. “I see. I’m glad. Anyway, I’ll be off. Take care.” She smiled knowingly as she stepped back.

Bryce closed up the door as they began to retreat with a final wave.

“What was she right about?” he turned to her immediately. 

“Oh… nothing… just something she said to me a while ago.”

Smug grin painted on, Bryce grasped her with both arms tight around her waist, making her laugh as her feet lifted from the ground slightly.

“Was it about me?”

“No…”

“Suki…” he turned all serious as he released her slightly, shifting so that his hands rested on her cheeks.

“Bryce?” the butterflies in her stomach were buzzing around with major nerves.

He pulled her face in, pressing an ever-so-soft kiss to her lips, so emotional and loving and sweet that Suki was sure she would never in a million years be sick of the taste of his lips. Shortly after, he pulled away, face close, looking down at her.

His smile was natural and warm, with a tinge of nervousness as he poured his eyes into hers. Held her head in his hands and her heart too, searched her face as he said what she’d been thinking for the past couple of weeks: “I love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man, we’re so close now and I’m pretty terrified. One last stitches chapter now after this😭😭🥺 I’m in my feels but I’ll save my huge soppy thing for next week. I love you, thank you for reading❤️


	21. A New World Follows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suki and Bryce finish their intern year.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Chapter Song:**  
>  Dream A Little Dream Of Me - Kina Grannis

“I love you,” Bryce said, and Suki felt it in every part of her.  _ He loves me. He does. And I love him.  _ It was evident in the way she felt on top of the world every time they were together, in the way the look he’d given her before had made her barely able to breathe. It really was. Somehow, after everything, she just really was in love with him. So she said it.

“I love you, too.” It was the only way to sum up her feelings. How could she properly word the thrumming in her heart and the aching in her stomach when she was with him, when she looked at him, even when she thought of him. There weren’t enough words in the English language to properly say how she felt about him. 

He bit his lip, a sparkle in his eye as he grinned down at her. “That’s good. Would be a bit awkward if you didn’t. But then, how could you not?” he teased.

How  _ could _ she not? For her, he was perfect.

They slept at Suki’s that night, since they were already there, revelling in each other and not missing a single moment. They were  _ in love. _

—-

The next day, the two of them returned home from work relatively early, and Suki suggested making dinner together. Bryce agreed, full of confidence, but when she started giving him things to do, it fell significantly.

“You look like you’re struggling, Bryce.”

“I said I learnt to cook! Not that I learnt to cook whatever this is…”

“It’s eeaassssyyy,” she teased, holding both his hands from behind him, having to peek around the side of his body to see. “They’re just enchiladas, stupid.”

“Did you say  _ Enchiladas _ ? Then what the hell am I doing making…  _ this _ ?”

“That’s the filling.”

“I—what? It is?”

“Yes!” she laughed. “They’re a big thing in New Mexico. I thought since I can’t take you there anytime soon I’ll do my best to give you a glimpse.”

“I’m sure they’ll taste great. I just… never knew they looked like this.”

“That’s because this is hidden inside tortilla and under layers of sauce.”

He nodded slowly, the crease in his forehead suggesting he was still dubious.

They made their sauces and layered everything up inside the tortillas and placed it all in a dish in the oven.

“Okay, I guess they look like tortillas now!”

“Trust the process.”

He rolled his eyes playfully, grabbing her waist with one arm. Her eyes widened in surprise, before he began to dip her.

“What are you doing?” she laughed.

“Trust the process.” He held her tight as he lowered her, and she gripped at his biceps for stability. That wide-eyed, confused, but ultimately completely trusting look was such a comfort to Bryce.

Leaning down to kiss her, Bryce wrapped his other arm under her neck. As it always was between them, kissing never got old.

“How long do these enchiladas take?” he asked.

“Long enough,” she raised an eyebrow. Cackling as he lifted her up in a fireman’s carry and ran to the bedroom, Suki knew life in that moment was good. Better than good.

—-

Somewhere around mid-august, Suki had a difficult shift and was grateful to come home to Bryce. They hadn’t discussed living arrangements, but she was certainly spending a lot of nights at his. Her roommates kept asking about it, though she didn’t yet have an answer.

He’d greeted her with a hug and a kiss and they’d retreated to his bedroom, where he’d been sitting reading up on some type of surgery. As Suki went to take her top off, she winced a little at the movement.

“You okay?” Bryce asked.

“Yeah, lots of bending today and my shoulders are definitely feeling it.”

“I’ll put the shower on for you?”

She melted into a smile. “I’m so lucky to have you.”

He laughed as he retreated to the bathroom and shouted out, “I’m only running the shower for you!”

“Yeah, but it’s thoughtful,” she called back. Because it was the little things that really made their relationship special. Especially when it had always been the little things even when they were only fucking. Hand-holding with excuses, physical contact at all opportunities, knowing their favourite drinks at the bar. When he returned she pulled his face down to her, planting a kiss to his lips. “You don’t want to join me?”

“Oh I’d love to, but you’re in need of some de-knotting time alone I think. Just take a moment of quiet, you know? I’ll be stealing you afterwards.”

She sighed concedingly. “You’re almost definitely right. It’s annoying. But I love you.”

“I love me more. Wait—” he joked. “I love you too.”

Shaking her head affectionately, Suki placed another brief kiss on his lips.

She undressed carefully to a wolf whistle from Bryce (he never got tired of it), and retreated to the bathroom. The shower was already steaming up nicely, and stepping into it felt amazing.

She let the hot water run all over each aching muscle, and revelled in the quiet. It gave her time to think. Think about how different everything was a year ago. Back then, she was shitting it about her internship, only just moving out to Boston in preparation. The boy from college who was waiting for her in his bedroom at that moment was a buried memory, and not one she ever dreamed would go anywhere. On the back end of a couple of short-term dates (fucks), Suki never imagined this time last year any of this. A friends with benefits arrangement didn’t seem on the cards, and a boyfriend was completely out of the question. But she’d known the first time she saw Bryce that he was going to be a pain in the ass one way or another. That stupid grin should’ve told her.

The feelings that gently thrummed when they’d danced together all that time ago, only growing when they kissed, then slept together, when they kept meeting. When she couldn’t help but study his face, his body, every damn perfect inch of him—she still couldn’t get enough of. Growing through his involvement in the friend group, when he was upset about the surgery and she worried about him, when she found herself hurt by the way he acted then. Singing karaoke with him, being casual with him and the others, when he’d helped her out with Tommy. The many times he’d been there for her when she struggled, how she’d been there for him (and maybe went a little too far) when she found out he’d been screwed over. Noticing the small things about him… the way he smelled, the feel of his skin under her fingertips, the brush of his hair on her face, the exact shade of deep honey gold in his eyes. Kissing him at Christmas, feeling breathless and giddy and wondering what the hell was going on, feeling nervous when she saw him at New Years, the way he’d been nervous then, too. When she’d fallen over and hurt her hand and he’d stitched her up with the most tender of touches, the way he looked at her, held her hair over the toilet, brushed her teeth, put her to bed. How she’d relayed the favour by caring for him when he was sick. Realising the whole time she’d been gradually feeling things for him. Being more hurt than she ever knew possible when she screwed things up and they didn’t talk for months. The indescribable relief when they’d reunited, admitted their feelings. 

The whole time, really, there was no helping either of them. They were fated to be goners from the very start. 

After showering, Suki dried herself off and changed into some pyjamas (yes, she had pyjamas at Bryce’s). Bryce was still sitting reading, already in his pyjama bottoms ready for bed. And she smiled seeing him there. It was so natural now, between them. It felt completely and entirely  _ right. _

God, she loved him. 

She sat down on the bed, rubbing her sore eyes with the backs of her hands. It really had just been one of those days. Bryce was at the headboard. He closed his book and placed it on the bedside table.

“Here,” he pulled her towards him by the hips, so that she was sitting between his legs. Then he started to massage her shoulders. “How’s that?”

“Awesome,” she exhaled heavily at the perfect amount of pressure he was applying.  _ Note to self: surgeons really do have magic hands.  _ Not that she hadn’t known that already but, good to know it translated. He used his fingers and thumbs and palms and the heel of his hand in harmony to untie all her knots. 

“Good.”

“Should I complain I’m in pain more often?”

He chuckled. “You don’t have to be in pain. This is nice. You know I like getting my hands on you.”

“Why do you make everything sound dirty?”

“Why do you  _ take _ everything as dirty?”

“Ugh, maybe we’re both the problem.”

He chuckled as she let out an amused exhale. Bryce pressed his thumb into a particular spot and Suki let out an unintentional moan, sending them both into fits of giggles.

—-

Soon enough, they were at the end of the month, and thus the end of their intern year at Edenbrook.

The group had met at Donohue’s as was routine. One last intern hurrah. The night was relaxed and they were a couple of drinks in. Of course, Bryce’s hand rested at the top of Suki’s thigh in the way that was now typical for him to do. 

“I’d like to raise a toast,” Sienna called, holding up her glass, “to us! For finishing our intern year and knocking it out of the park!”

“To us!” echoed around the table, along with a chorus of clinking glasses.

“Can I do one?” asked Elijah. Sienna motioned for him to go on. “I’d like to toast to all the patients we’ve had this year, for better or for worse.”

“To the patients!”

Bryce squeezed Suki’s leg, and she cocked her head at him quizzically. He grinned before speaking.

“I’d like to propose a toast to my amazing girlfriend for… well, being amazing.”

“Gross,” Jackie laughed, “but agreed. To Suki!”

“Oh no…”

“To Suki!”

“Guys!” She held her hands up to her cheeks, hot from the attention. “Okay, my go, I want to toast to  _ all _ of you guys, for sticking around and being amazing roommates and all.”

They shrugged, and repeated, “To us! Again!”

“I’d like to propose we stop this before we go in any more circles,” Jackie held her glass up.

“To stopping!” Bryce clinked her glass and she rolled her eyes.

They laughed through more drinks, recounting their favourite parts of the past year. There were so many medical and job related bits about different patients or treatments or experiences they’d had. 

But there were also a load of non-work-related memories. Like the spontaneous decision that had led to them all becoming close, or the housewarming party they threw that got a bit out of hand. Or the ghost tour they’d gone on and pretended hadn’t scared them, the nights they’d sung karaoke and hurt a few ears. There was the mini Christmas they’d thrown at the apartment (which Bryce mockingly complained about not being invited to), or the medium sized New Years celebration they’d thrown to avoid the party fiasco from before (with a focus on Bryce’s lap dance from an amused Sienna). They even laughed about Jackie and Suki going on the defensive for Bryce, who sheepishly admitted to his retaliation and got a load of shit from Jackie for it. Then there was the Easter celebration and the time they finally dragged Suki to Donahue’s. Finding Bryce emerging from Suki’s bedroom. They did focus on that one a little.

Later on, Bryce left to choose a song from the jukebox. Suki realised how truly happy she was as she watched him deciding on a song. His figure was so familiar and comforting under the dim bar lights, the way his shoulders sat in the shirt she’d helped him pick, or his hair freshly washed. The belt she’d taken off him many times. She went over to him.

“Do I know you from somewhere?” she whispered into his ear, winding her arms around his torso. He leant back into her and turned his head so that he could see her.

“I dunno? Ever been to Maui??”

“Bit of a journey from New Mexico,” she teased, and he turned so that they faced each other. “I would travel it for you, though.”

“I’m happy where we are,” he said quietly, a small smile paired with a sparkle in his eyes setting her heart alight just as it had every other time she’d seen them.

“I know. Just wanted you to know that.”

“Can you stop being so perfect? It’s making me feel like I have to be  _ even more _ perfect to keep up with you,” he quipped.

She smirked, before turning back to the jukebox. “Go on then, pick something good.”

“Good is subjective,” he mocked. God, so much had happened since they were here on that September night. The good, the bad, all of it was worth it to be here together and in love. His finger dragged up and down the list of songs, trying to decide. It slowed down on one.

“Don’t tell me after all this time you’re picking The Beatles.”

“No… but I do want to hold your hand…”

“Dumbass. Here,” she grabbed his from his side and entwined their fingers. Content, Bryce turned his attention back to the jukebox and finally picked a song.

“What was that? Your hand was in the way!”

“You’ll see.”

The last song was just finishing up, and Suki listened carefully as they headed back to their booth.

Bryce had a weird pained humour to his face.

“What the fuck did you choose?”

He chuckled. Then snorted and tried to recompose his face.

“What?”

A familiar intro began to come from the speaker by their booth.

“Oh my god…”

“I fucking hate The Beatles,” he wheezed, eyes crinkling up and teeth bared in a wide smile. Suki blew a raspberry from her mouth in a laugh, both of them ending up in stitches in just moments.

“Are you guys okay?” Jackie asked. “Did you seriously just put The Beatles on?”

Sienna, unaware that Bryce and Suki were in fits of laughter, was singing along happily. “ _ Little darling, it seems like years since it's been here.” _

“This is the worst one, right? It’s not just me?” he snorted through tears.

“Bryce… you said… overrated… I cannot believe you just told me you  _ hate _ the Beatles,” she yelped.

“Are they drunk?” Elijah turned to Aurora, who had an amused smile playing on her lips.

And it didn’t matter that it was barely funny to anyone else, because those two just had a way of playing off each other, making each and every moment together delightful and new and sometimes hilarious.

The night finished on a high, last toasts made and everyone was feeling on top of the world. 

They walked home loudly and unapologetically, just plain old having fun. Bryce and Suki chased each other a bit, Suki screaming each time she got caught and was hoisted into the air. Not even Jackie was fake gagging, because they were all so happy and content and ready. Bryce went back there that night.

After more silly conversations all together in the living room, Bryce and Suki finally retreated to her bedroom. They washed and dressed and snuggled down together, facing each other, lamps off.

“So… second year, then,” she sighed.

“Do you think you’re ready?”

“I think so? I hope so.”

“We can work with that,” he shot her a bright grin.

“I guess if you’re there it’ll be easier.”

“I’m not going anywhere.”

“You better not.”

He just shook his head, pulling her closer against him to lay on his chest, their gentle breaths calming the dark room. “Never,” he whispered.

“I really do love you, Bryce,” she murmured against him, half-asleep.

“I know, I really love you.” He found solace in tangling her hair through his fingers, letting her soft breaths dictate his own.

Slowly, the two began to drift off. With thoughts of happiness and endings and new beginnings. Questions about their future, but none about the person pressed against them.

And they knew, come the morning, they’d be ready for the challenges second year had to give. 

Suki went to sleep that night laid on the same chest she’d bowled into a year prior; happy, content, and in love. Suki fell asleep loving Bryce Lahela. Loving him until the stars went black and the moon fell and the planet died. And when she went, she wanted him to be the one to cut out her heart with his beautiful scalpel hand, because it was always his, and it always will be.

His stitches were seared into her hand, and her heart, forever; past tense, present tense, future tense.


	22. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  **Song:**  
>  I Wanna Be Adored - Nick Rezo, Melo

“How did you get those?” the boy asked, holding open the woman’s hand where a white mark shot across the palm.

“A man I love made them for me.”

“Made them?”

“Mmmhmm. Stitched them himself.”

“He hurt you?” he cocked his head, concern in his eyes.

“No, he fixed me. He likes fixing things,” she smiled, watching the neat shape she recognised so well.

“Why did they need stitching?” he pressed gently on the puckered skin.

“Well, this story might take a while to tell. But it is one of my favourites. Technically, it’s still going and has no ending—not really.”

“I want to hear it.”

“Then I suppose I’ll have to start at the beginning…”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...don’t. I’m already crying. I can guarantee I’m sat somewhere bawling my eyes out and just generally being a MESS!  
> So! I started this fic completely on a whim on one september evening because I fell in love with Mr Bryce Lahela. I wanted to tweak canon to make his and my MCs relationship the focus, so that was this. So it’s been almost exactly 5 months since I started writing (9th Sept) and I never expected to be here, finishing a story, when I was there. But I did! This is my first ever completed long fic and yeah... I’m pretty proud of myself. There’s a few people who played a big role in this though:
> 
> -Chrys (Pine)! Read my first two chapters and helped convince me it wasn’t terrible and correct some of those awful grammar mistakes lol. Thank you so much!  
> -Rosie (AlphaBanana) thank you for all your help with the early chapters! You were so amazing and I owe you massive credit for helping me with plot points and letting me ramble to you about my thoughts.  
> -(RealityOfTheMatter) you have been such a help throughout all of this. So, so supportive and patient and helpful and everything! Thank you for taking your time to look over each chapter and for dealing with my ramblings about how terrible I think it all is and assuring me that it’s not lol! i don’t really know how to thank you enough for all your help, it is so, so appreciated. You are the best and deserve good things and yeah, Bruki wouldn’t be the same without you.  
> -Sarah (veritasLItg) and Jess (marauderno5) for helping me with lil bits I got stuck on! Y’all amazing.  
> -LITGFanFiction discord server. So, this isn’t even a litg fic, yet a whole bunch of you still came here to read this even tho some of you never even played the game!! Just by generally being supportive with my writing and letting me ask you america related questions and vibe check the odd passage, giving me prompts for ideas and just generally for taking this journey with me. It makes me so stupidly happy that y’all don’t even care about Open Heart yet somehow care about my fic, really gets me emosh. You guys are the best.  
> -Nikka (stfunikka) for being my biggest cheerleader and always having something lovely to say and leaving me comments that have left me with literal tears in my eyes. For writing a beautiful song that I will never get over and for loving Bryce and Suki the whole time. You’re really amazing and I thank you so much.  
> -you. Yes, you! If you’re reading this right now, chances are you’ve read/kudosed/commented here. And that means the absolute damn world to me. I hope you know every time I see that I have comments or kudos here I get so happy, especially since this fic is in a smaller fandom. 
> 
> So, yeah. I think that’s all I have to say. (Probably not, will probably be crying to you about this if you talk to me at all.) 
> 
> To finish, this is not the end for Bryce and Suki. There are still a few things I want to try with them, possibly in the form of a few one shots or short multi-chapters, we will see! I’m waiting for inspiration to strike, so keep an eye out. But their story doesn’t end—not really.


End file.
